Thanks :')

This 5 years has been a journey full of ups and downs. 

I gained a lot and at the same time, I lost a lot too. 

One of the things that will remain in my heart is the friendships that I've got here. I may not have tonnes of them but those few are the one that I appreciate much and those are the ones that will be in my heart forever. 

Thanks, my dear :) Many thanks for always being there, when I was in good mood and also when I was in cranky mood. Thanks for understanding me so well, thanks for putting up to my quirk and thanks for making me feel like I belong, somehow :)

You're all gift from God and I'm blessed to have you all in my life :)

Thanks :)

1 more day to go. Saving up my tears and hope I'll perform my best tomorrow. 

Dragging Myself Up...

The start of a new day.

And yet, it's still traumatising.

No, I won't blame the examiners. It's my fault. I could do it but I didn't.

2 more days. All I can do is to hope for the best. And I know my parents are probably worried sick ever since I said that "things are not going well".

Hold the tears. Leave then to the weekends. I have to keep going.

Thank You Lord for the blessing and Your grace. I know I am blessed but sorry that I'm such a disappointment.

Apologies...

I'm sorry....

I got the best, the one that everyone wishes for, the one that everyone is dying for and the one that will help everyone.

Yet, I screwed it all up. I didn't get a single one correct. I was told off there and then.

I don't know whether I can make it through. I don't know whether I am worth making through. I don't know whether I deserve it.

I'm sorry. I truly am. And yet, I can't forgive myself. No, I can't.

Keep Going...

As hard as it seems, as difficult as it is to do, I'm just going to keep moving on. The last week has been physically and mentally exhaustive. The nauseating sensation, the frightful feeling that scared me up early in the morning after 3-4 hours of sleep, the lack of appetite and having to force myself to eat (thank God for the new eating spot with very decent food). 

He has already brought me to this far. Without Him, a shy, soft spoken girl like me would never had made it to this step. Thank You, thank You :) I'm just going to try my best, suppress all my fear and anxiety and be confident. 

Outside and Inside...

I may appear to be calm but deep down, I'm feeling miserable.

The worst feeling is that I know that I can do much better than this but I let my nervousness got a hold on me. It's unforgivable actually. After going through many exams, the nervousness will always be the same and it'll always be there. 

One more week to go and I really hope things will go well...

Thank You :)

Thoughts...

Stop thinking about what I'd done.

Concentrate on what I can do next.

That's the only mantra I'm telling myself over and over again. If not, I'm going to drown in deep pool of regrets...

Thank You :)

PS: The last few moments of waiting outside the cubicle and waiting for exam to commence was hard. Prof Y came and checked on us and said softly: "You have come this far. Trust yourself and stay calm. You can do it. All the best." And she tapped my shoulder and it was at that moment I realised that she was talking to us. Then Dr A came: "You have studied so hard for the past 5 years. You will know the answers. Good luck." Those were not the exact words as I was too nervous to realise that they were trying to calm us down until the last word =.= Thinking about it now touches my heart really deep. Thanks Prof, thanks Dr :') And thanks to Dr M who gave a tutorial, right after I finished, on how to do a proper defibrillation and reassured me that I'd passed that station :) 

Ok? Not...

It was ok. 

I felt quite ok then at the very last minute, I realised I missed out something. Few hours later, I realised I missed out an important aspect. 

Sigh...

Moving on the next. The real challenge is coming up. 

Hoping for the best...

Thank You :') Although I may not be deserving...