Regrets?

I was assigned to a bed and the moment I passed by, a frail gentleman was sleeping and I was thinking how on earth am I supposed to approach him. 

I talked to him for a while when he woke up. He was on nasal prong, pursed lip with suprasternal recessions. I didn't want to push him to talk but he went on talking while stopping for a few minutes to catch his breathing.

"Do you know last time I used to sing? I won multiple competitions. I could sing very well. I went to Taiwan and they all praised me. They invited me everywhere to sing. I went to China. I went all around Malaysia. I love to sing."

"Now I'm lying down on this bed, waiting for the day I sleep and see Jesus. I don't want to suffer."

Many years down the line, will I be sitting or lying somewhere, thinking about the past, wondering about the things I could do but I didn't do, heart fills with regrets? Or will I be fill with happiness, laughing and smiling and ready to leave this world with no regrets? Hmmm...

Problem Solving Session...

After all is said and done, the people that you want to count on turn their back. People that you'd never expected showed up and provided you with some comfort. 

I shall get through this. Even when people are turning away. I'm not weak.

Thank God for providing a quiet spot for me to be alone and to calm myself down without people staring at me.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledging Him, and He will make your path straight."

Encounter with Death...

Every time I go for on call, a boy, who was diagnosed with malignancy, would always be passed over. 

The first time I saw him, I was shocked. Other than the gross ascites, he was all bones and no flesh. He would lie prop up with his parents with him. His younger brother would always be there. What strike me the most was the difference between these 2 boys. His younger brother was so chubby and active and he would always be playing while the older brother laid on the bed tiredly. 

That was 3 weeks ago. 

Today was my first day in Paeds ICU. The moment I stepped in, I saw him on one of the bed, sitting up, with oxygen mask, very tachypnoea with intercostal, subcostal and suprasternal recession and usage of accessory muscles. 

Fast forward to 7 hours later.

After seminar, we went back to PICU and they were preparing to intubate him. However, pressure started to drop. All the doctors tried to resuscitate him. External cardiac massage and bagging were done. Death was then pronounced. 

We 3 medical students stood there and we saw everything right in front of our eyes. After that, we stepped out and took a few deep breaths. I managed to suppress my tears but I kept thinking about all the petty things that I'm angry about, all the emotions which drive me haywire and all the love and gratitude that went unspoken. 

Life is short. One minute we may be alive, breathing in the air that we have been taken for granted, eating as much as we desire and being a part of rat race. But what will happen next? Things may take a sharp turn and the next minute, you may be at the lowest point of your life. At this point, the small matters that you worry about will not be your worries anymore. At this point, all you think about are the things that you care and love about the most. At this point, all regrets will flood through your mind. 

Live life as if tomorrow is the last. 

PS: I may know how to type all these but will I be able to practice these? I guess that's what we human are good at. All talks but no action...

黑与白...

谁才是真正对你好的？

谁在你面前嬉笑，
可是在你背后咒骂你的？

这一个月多
忙了起来
忽略了身旁许多事件

当某个人提点一下
才发觉
黑与白
确实不再明确了。。。

Race...

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Honestly, My mind is blank now. I have no idea what to do already. 

Is it a tradition? A tradition that whenever I'm at the last lap of a race, I'll accidentally trip and limp throughout the entire race? 

It's one thing to be happy running in the race. Running around, seeing different scenes, seeing different trees, seeing different flowers. I forget how tiring running can be, I forget that food is a treat, I forget that rest is a luxury. All I want to do is to run and see as many scenes as I want. 

Running with a limp is not easy. I am stuck with the broken leg and I have to bear with it. Sometimes even if I feel like chopping off the leg, I have to push aside the feelings and let the leg heals by itself. Even if it takes time, I still have to hang on. 

Perhaps it is my fault. When a leg which has been with you for a while helping you with all your daily livings decided to have nothing to do with you, you can't do anything except waiting for time to work its miracle. 

No matter what, I'll still keep on running at my own pace. That's the only thing which makes me happy and that's the only thing which I can hold on to. 

I hope I'll not fail myself when the final lap comes. 

Love...

Joined Diabetic Clinic today and met 2 sisters who were diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus.

When dr told me that their mother had passed away because of complications of DM, my attention was immediately brought to the lady who accompanied the siblings. She is the aunt of these sisters. 

Apparently, the aunt quitted her job and took up the responsibilities of taking care this 2 sisters and another sister as well. During the whole consultation, we could see that she was genuinely concern about the sisters and she did not regret quitting her job. She did all she could for the sisters and all she wished for was for the sister to take control of their disease and lead a normal life.

My eyes welled up with tears immediately. When dr told the sisters to appreciate their aunt, my tears were almost at the edge of flowing down. 

Love, in a positive manner, can be powerful enough to move a heart. 

I salute you, aunt. 

Blessings :)

All of a sudden, everything rushed through my mind and I realise that I'd been blessed. Abundantly. 

Once upon a time, I was upset and comforted myself that I'm not good enough. Now, I realised that I'm not the only one who has problems. If things turned out the way that I wished it would, I am very sure that I'll not be able to tolerate and my heart will break into bigger pieces than the minor one I felt that day. 

Thank God for all the blessings :) Thank You :) When He closes a door, He'll open another door for you. I may not know the plan that You have installed for me, I'm not sure whether I had or would find the door, I'll work hard and make sure I'm not on the wrong direction. Thank God :)

PS: Different week, different rotation, different experiences, different surprises, different blessings. Thank God :) I'll try to hold on to this feeling :)