Trials...

We often talk about trials,

How trials will be difficult,

How trials will be torturing to our souls, 

How trials can be overcome by staying strong and praying so that one will not lose the trials and lose things that one care for. 

But are trials that easy?

Things are very much easier said than done. 

When you're not going through trials, you will say that anything can be overcome. 

When you are in the middle of trials, the struggle is not easy. 

One stupid decision or action can easily kill everything especially years-long friendship. 

And guilt will haunt you for the rest of your life. 

I really do not want to see you sacrificing when I know that you really want it and I really do not want to see disappointment in you especially in periods like this when everyone is stressful.

Things may be easier said than done but I still need to do it. 

It's time to pray. Pray that I'll make the right decision and pray that everything will be alright. I know that You have a plan for me but it's really frustrating when I do not know what I'm meant to do and I need to rely on my judgement and Your guidance to make the right decision. I have no doubt for You but I'm doubtful of myself. 

I need more faith and strength. 

Whatever it is, thank You so much for everything that I have so far. Without You, I'm nothing.

‘主啊，
我们不是在自己的生活里寻找你，
而是您把我们摆进您的思维，
生命架构里。
过去我曾多次多方的拒绝，
只因为您不合乎我自定的种种条件。
我目光短浅的骄纵与自私，
但是主您从不舍弃我，
并一直爱着我。
主我感谢您，
愿您照着您的心意，
持续建造我的生命。’