Pictures :)

"A picture is worth a thousand words." That was what Prof. Goh told us last week when he brought us to see the doctors performing endoscopy and colonoscopy. It's great to have him as our professor for medicine round :) And I really agree with him when he said that our aim in medical school is not just to pass our exam, it's about learning as much as we can to be a good doctor and make our parents proud of us. I may not be the smartest one and I admit that though I may had read the pages 3 or 4 times, I still find it hard to remember every single thing. But I still want to try my best. All I want to be is a good doctor and even if it means no holiday, no rest and no leisure, I still want to go for it. I'm really thankful to God that I have the chance to be in the seat where tons of students fought for and still fight for every year :) Just pray that I'll have the strength and the wisdom to go through the remaining 4 years in medical school :)

Picture time!!!

The bear that I got :)


The lovely card :) Really miss playing the piano...


The warm wishes :)

The little present that the 'us' in cg gave me :)

Something special from my 'twin' :)

Another trip to the bookshop!!! This time I only got 5 books. Must save money :P

One of Baby Blues comic and a snowman book mark that I got for Michelle for her Christmas gift :)

2 candy each for Michelle's sister, Catherine and Melissa :)

The lovely book thong that I got after renewing my membership card. Can't believe I'd been buying books from Bookxcess for 3 years. And I'll still continue to go there to get all my books :D

Since tomorrow is a holiday, I'm going to spend the whole night reading :) Once lectures start to get busy, I'll definitely miss this time when I can lay back and enjoy my novel. Well, it's one sacrifice that I'm willing to make :)

First post of a 20-year-old :)

Well, finally, I'm 20. All these while, I'd been telling people that I'm 19 and now that 2nd December had passed, I guess I have to admit that I'm 20.

All these years, my birthdays were always during the school holiday and I only celebrated with my family. This year, it's really my first time having friends secretly planning my birthday and throwing me a surprise and having people besides my family singing birthday song to me. It may not be extravaganza but I'm really thankful and touched.

Thanks for the lovely meal at Pasta Zanmai. Though at the end, I had to force myself to swallow down the plate of pasta, it was undeniably a nice meal :)

Thanks for the walk and all the photos we took around Mid Valley with the warm and adorable Christmas decorations. Though I was tired and couldn't stop yawning, it was nice to have you girls around :)

Thanks for the birthday songs and the surprise at 12.00 am. Though the smell of whipping cream haunted me for a day, it was touching to know that you girls remembered my birthday and took the trouble to celebrate with me :)

Thanks for the adorable bow-tie bear and the card by Han Jun, Chu Yee, Cheng Nee, Aileen, Winnie and Choon Fong. Though it was not easy to buy a bear and hide it in the bag while walking around Mid Valley with me, it was my first time receiving a bear and I can't seem to take my eyes off it :)

Thanks for the birthday songs during lecture. Though it was a little bit awkward with people looking at me and singing to me, it truly made my day :)

Thanks for the birthday song and the birthday present from the 'us' of the cg group. Though I don't know who exactly are the 'us', it's really a blessing to know you guys and I pray that we'll all grow stronger in God :)

Thanks for the lovely dinner by my parents who came all the way here just to celebrate my birthday. Though there wasn't any cake like previous years, the meal was nice and warm and I'm really thankful to have a family like this :)

Thanks for all the wishes via sms, facebook and face-to-face. Though I had to reply 100 ++ wishes on facebook, I was smiling while doing so :)

Thankfully, the final is over. It was really my first time spending my study week at home, skipping the ward round during the study week (and I still feel guilty) and crying a lot (without my parents presence, of course). Result is coming out soon and the thought of it is sufficient to make me go nuts. I wished I'd done better but I know I cannot turn back the clock so I'd been pushing it to the back of my mind. Just pray that everything will turn out to be alright. No matter what happen, I will continue to praise Your name, dear Lord :)

At the bright side, I finally have some time to indulge myself in novel-reading. I told myself I'll stop after the 3rd one. Then I continued to the 4th one and told myself the same thing. And now, I'm reading the 5th one. Sigh... Can't believe that what was a pleasure to me has become a guilty pleasure ever since I became a medical student. But it's nice to escape to another world when I feel bored and lazy. The past weekend had been boring. The floor was almost empty. Most of the girls went back, 2 girls went dating and roomie had a family problem which forced her to pack her bag and left on Friday (I'm sorry to hear the news, roomie).

I guess I better stop before this gets any longer and mundane. Was planning to upload some photos but something went wrong with the memory card. Hmmm... Will post the photos once I figure out what went wrong with the memory card (though I doubt I will ever understand all those technical items).

Toodles :)

True Colours...

Before the end of first year, I heard so much about Glee. Ruth is really into it and 'Defying Gravity' was constantly on when she was on her laptop. Ana loves it and I'm sure 'Lean On Me' is one of her favourites. Well, since it's a musical (who doesn't love music???) and there are lots of rave reviews so I was thinking why not just give it a go. And guess what? I'm officially a Gleek now! The only downfall is that I lost my voice completely due to a cold so I can't get to sing along...

I was away during the weekend for the second leadership camp for the pembantu mahasiswa in preparation for the upcoming Minggu Haluansiswa (can't wait to meet the juniors!!!) One thing you should know is that I'd never really been to any kind of camps. The leadership camp for librarian was mostly consist of ceramah and ceramah. My school was not really that active in ko-ku so I seldom got a chance to be involved in camping and outdoor activities.

One look at the timetable and I noticed we got rempuh halangan and a trip to Amberstone Camp for jungle trekking and all sorts of outdoor activities. I didn't know what to expect. Fear, anticipation, excitement... all the feelings were bubbled inside the little me.

People often view crying as a sign of weakness and I totally oppose to this ridiculous mindset. I have to admit, I cried almost throughout the rempuh halangan course. Everyone has their own way of expressing and releasing their fears and mine is through tears. If I forced myself not to cry that night, I doubted I would have the courage to go through all the halangan. Crying is the way for me to release all my fears and provide me the courage that I need. One asked me: What is it exactly that I was afraid of. Then I asked myself back the same question. What? I guess it's because I'd never had to jump down from a high place before, or is it because a friend told me that she'd tried it before and warned me that no matter how low you crawl, your back will still touch the thorns and it'll be extremely painful, or is it because being a vertically-disabled girl, the pools that I'd experienced would always reach my shoulder level and I couldn't wipe off the drowning scenes off my head? I was part of a group and I knew no matter how scared I was, I had to cry out all the fears and worries and conquer it. And all the appreciation to my teammates who waited for me and cheered for me :)

Through the outdoor activities and jungle trekking, I realised I have a tendency to hold somebody's hand when the roads were rough or slippery to walk for I was afraid of slipping or falling. And there'd be someone who was willing to lend me a hand. I can't stop to think, do I really need this? Can't I brave through the rough roads without having someone to give me a hand? Life's journey is long and I'm no longer that naive to think that there'll always someone with me throughout this. There'll be time when I'll be alone. After so many years of cold treatment and isolation by my own race, I thought I'm used to alone already. But even during the roughest time, God was so wonderful that He always place someone call 'friend' who is more than willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on. I may not have tons and millions of good friends that everyone seems to have but the friends that I have now are those who had and still touch my heart in a special way that it's hard for me to forget. When I'm alone, I know I will find a way to walk through the rough roads even if it means slipping and falling and bruising myself since I have to get to the destination one way or another. But here I have to thanks to all the helping hands that were given to me even I didn't ask for it :)

The only regret that I had was throwing a tantrum at my mum when she stopped by to collect my stuffs. I was so disappointed with myself and I really felt so useless at that moment. It all started during LDK session when we were assigned to draw a flag, list down some Kadazan words and come out with a song based on the Kadazan's culture. Immediately, I volunteered myself to help out giving the songs a lyric. All the creative juices were flowing in my head and I was so excited to express all that I could think of. After settling for a song, we started with the lyrics. That's when I became so down. There were 2 girls who was so full of confident singing while thinking of lyrics. At that moment, I realised that whatever idea that I wanted to present must be in the form of singing and my confidence just crashed from the top level right down to the basement. Every time I tried to sing, my tongues were tied up that I couldn't sing at all. I remained quiet and I felt so useless. Singing in front of people is just something that I'm terrified of after constantly being laughed by people of my inability to sing. My confidence was so low and my mood went down so low that I was so frustrated with the constant phone calls and sms from my mum. The phone couldn't stop vibrating and I couldn't do anything since the activity was still going on. I got extremely annoyed and thus, the quarrel. I'm sorry.

It's true, I have a confidence issue. And it's even worst when it involves singing even though I love music. I can't sing properly, I can't play an instrument properly and sometimes I just wish my marks in piano theory truly reflects my ability in music but that's just a joke since everybody knows piano theory is as easy as pie. You don't need to be extremely good in music to score a 100 and that's something that everyone who took the test before knows.

When will I ever gain back the confidence that was taken brutally away from me since entering primary school and let my true colours shine through?

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realise
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

8 :)

What a week. What a tiring week. What an amazing week. What a wonderful week.

Dance competition is finally over. All my worries (at least those related to dancing) are gone. But somehow, I miss dancing a lot. I thought I will feel relieve but after everything is over, I realise how much I love dancing and I'm seriously missing it. I don't even dare to play the music which once gave me a lot of stress for I'm really afraid that I'll start to cry. What a crying baby...

This whole dancing thing really made me realise how weak I am and how I need to depend on Him. I remember 2 or 3 weeks before the competition, everyone was catching up and I was lacking behind. I remember how my trainer was frowning trying to think of ways to make me as good as them. I remember how my team mates kept on practicing with me trying to make sure I'm the same level as them.

Of course, there was lots of tears involved. I remember the first time I broke down because of dancing. I remember it was Chooi Lin's birthday. I remember how I was very disappointed with myself for not being able to catch up. The moment I entered the room, I started crying. The second time was the day I started having cramps. I remember it was the same day as the physio treasure hunt meeting. I remember how I endured the pain since evening. After the creative dance around 10 something, I went on doing the traditional dance in front of a fifth year senior. With the pain after the dance and her comments on me, I couldn't help but broke down. The third time was during the practice with Ana helping me. I couldn't help but feeling disappointed with myself again and I broke down once again.

I was weak and I couldn't stop praying. The thought of quiting came to me but I couldn't bear to leave them cleaning up the mess that I'd made. A week before the competition, everything seemed bleak. I screwed up the showcase as well. I improved a little but still far from them and all I could do is to pray even thought it really seemed impossible. I even started to wonder. But thanks to His unfailing love, I made it. I remember a day before the competition when my trainer told me that he no longer noticed me when I dance since I was finally the same level as them. I got a shock since I didn't notice any difference. Seeing the smile on both Abang Din and Abang Zerul face and the claps that I got from my team mates, I couldn't help but smile and thanking God for everything.

It was a week when I really feel Him holding my hands and make things which seemed impossible possible. I always have stage fright and I thought I would freak out on stage especially a big stage like DTC with lots of people watching us. Sarah, Marcella and I never forget to hold hands and prayed before going on the stage. The moment I was on stage, surprisingly, I was transformed into another world and I felt myself living in the music, swaying along with the music, smiling along when dancing and all the right moods were there. After the dance, I couldn't help and but to thanks Him once again for everything.

Creative dance was the most emotional one. Our trainer told us that this dance is very personal to him because this is the first time he's doing the dance based on his ethnic group. It's something that he has never tried before and it's something that he was afraid to do so. I remember everyone in a circle with our eyes closed. When he started to cry, we cried too. All of us. It made us even more determined to do our best. When everything was over, our trainer came to us and thanked us for making the dance wonderful. Though we only got 5th, but he was satisfied.

The next day before going to cg, I made a mistake of switching on the laptop and facebooking. I saw my trainer's status on how he's proud of us. I saw my team mates' status and all the memories just flooded through my mind. This time, I couldn't stop crying. All the memories just came to me and I realised how much I miss it. When I went to cg, during the praise and worship, I thought of how God had helped me a lot throughout the week and I couldn't stop crying again. It was really paiseh, I know, but I just couldn't help it. Qin Zhi's sharing was also very touching because it was something that I went through that week and it really spoke right through my heart. All you need to do is to open your heart and pray and somehow even though things seem impossible, it'll always work out at the end. Thank goodness my mood was elevated after the ice breaking session so the tears didn't drop once again. If not, I can't imagine myself crying while he's sharing...

All praises to Him. Without Him providing me the strength and guidance, I couldn't have made it. Applause to Him and all thanks to Him. Thanks for never letting me go. Thanks :)

Me and My Books :)

Went book-shopping with Cheng Nee last Friday :) After all the tiring days and dances and late-night studying, I just couldn't wait to go out and get some books. Even the slight headache I experienced didn't have the ability to stop me from heading to bookxcess. :P

The moment I set my eyes on all the books, all my troubles just seemed so far away. And for once in a week or two time, I felt happy and I couldn't stop smiling like a little girl who is deeply in love. Since I'm still single, I can announce without guilt that book is my first and current love :D

Oh wait, I think I sound like a bimbo =.=" Nevertheless, I went round and round and round the shop for more than an hour and in the end, I settled with 10 books. All these (plus one of Cheng Nee's book) cost me RM150++. Hmmm... Not bad...

Thanks Cheng Nee for accompanying me :) Will treat you one of my favourite chocolate cake once I get my hand on it :)

Am heading to Kajang this Friday, which means tomorrow, which also means bye bye home :(

Am going book-shopping this Saturday again!!! Can't wait. I got a long list of books to buy. :P

Am attending my cousin's wedding dinner in Kajang this Saturday night.

Am attending my cousin's wedding ceremony on Sunday morning.

Then, I'm bidding farewell to Kajang and back to UM after the wedding ceremony :(

Current mode: Study. Can't afford and don't want to fail my quiz...

Lost and Found...

Have you ever been stranded in a place for 5 hours? Have you ever been so close to getting something but you missed it in a fraction of time?

That was what happened to me this morning. Due to some miscommunication, I thought I was supposed to wait at the hospital bus stop. Because of that, I kept on waiting for my friend even though the bus and taxis came. I never stopped waiting. About 35 minutes before departure time, I called up my friend then only I realised I was supposed to wait at KL Central. I rushed and rushed and rushed and by the time I reached there, the train just left the station. If only I reached there a few more seconds earlier...

The disappoinment was too great. I ran inside the washroom and cried there. I was so close to home yet I missed it. I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I called my mum and told her about it.

After I calmed myself down, I went out and bought the afternoon ticket back. Then I sat at the departure hall and started counting down the time. Constanzo was wide opened on my lap but I couldn't pay much attention to it. Most of time, I would be staring at a spot and lost in my own thought. Then I brought myself back out of the dreamland and focus on Costanzo. But it's harder than I thought. I was really lost at that time.

I was so tired and it became worst after I cried. Throughout that 5 hours, I was struggling to stay awake. Each time that my eyes were going to close, I'd take out the earphone and listen to music. At that moment, I really wished somebody was there with me so that I can rest without worries. But it was really too much to wish for. So I kept on forcing my eyes to stay wide.

Finally, 2 pm came and the train reached on time and finally, I could take a short nap. Thank goodness I'm a light sleeper (didn't realise that till Ruth told me). If not, I would have to force myself to stay awake again so that I won't miss Tampin station.

Home. At last I reached here at 4.20 pm. This is the first time that the train arrived early. Thank God for it. All this while I'd taken granted of it but not now. I'm going to appreciate every moment that I can spend here and come back more often. To those who have the luxury to go back often, do appreciate it. It's the place that you can run to in times of trouble. It's the place that will welcome you with open arms though you feel like everyone is against you. It's the place that you'll feel safe even though you're living in a dangerous world. It's the only space that will not reject you.

Home sweet home :)

Tired...

It has been a tiring month. 2 shows which I have to perform. 3 dances going on in my head. Another dance coming very very very soon. In fact, we are starting to practice stretching for the another dance. My legs are tired now, my mind is also exhausted. All these lead to weight-losing (dancing is indeed a very good exercise) which is one of the only consolation that I can be happy of.

I'm rather tempted to say that I am very very very busy and I have a very hectic schedule but somehow, I know it's really wrong to say that. Yes, everyday I got class till 4.30 pm. Then dance practice at night. Now with the mpis coming up, I got dance practice in the evening and mpis rehearsal at night. And the rehearsal is rather frustrating. For a 5 minutes dance, I'd normally wait for hours before the people actually come and start the rehearsal. Sigh... For 2 days, Ruth, Ana and I went to Secret Recipe and stayed there to study until 4 am. The downside - tired and sleepy during lecture.

Many times, I really want to say that I'm busy so that I can get away with everything. The thing is, I was the one who got myself involved in these. I volunteered to be involved in these. Nobody forced me to do so. When I looked around my course mates, some are involved in more things than I do. Despite this, they still managed their activities well and at the same time, getting good result. I have to admit that I really do admire them for being so multi-talented and all. Besides, it's not like I'm not having fun at all. Dancing is really fun though I'm still a slow learner. So what if I'm dancing tarian asli and inang and learning zapin at the same time? I enjoy myself very much and don't try to look at me with that kind of look. So what if I'm a Chinese? There's nothing wrong with me learning other races culture and I can tell you one thing - the Malay dances are very graceful :)

No more using busy as an excuse, I ask for the responsibilities and I'm doing all I could to manage everything properly without putting my study aside. Ya, I'm rather worried about my studies but I just pray that I'll manage it. Now, any time when I'm free, if I'm not sleeping due to exhaustion, I'll be studying. Waiting for my second quiz and see how I'll score. Just hope it won't be too bad (crossing my fingers) And I'm really thankful to God who has been looking out for me and giving me the strength and comfort when I need them. Thank You :)

P.S. Passed by the hospital after dapao-ing from Secret Recipe and I saw 2 hospital people pushing a bed with the blanket covering it. Then I saw some people following it while crying. It kind of just hit me that life is short. There's no way to know when you're leaving this earth. All I want to do now is to life it to the fullest, explore many things that I wanted to but didn't have the time (like dancing and sports), serve Him while I'm here and still manage to pass my exam in 5 years time so that I can really fulfill my dream despite knowing the hardship of being a doctor.

Firsts :)

On the first day of 2010, I got an sms from my mum. I replied her, packed my bag and off I went to Kajang to have dinner with my family. And I guess that's a pretty good start to a brand new year.

Since it's the first post of a brand new year, let me think of some firsts that I came across in this new year...

1. Had jelly cake for my sis and grandfather's birthdays. It's so delicious especially the chocolate one!!! Maybe I should make a change and ask for a jelly cake for my birthday :P

2. Had jelly cake for breakfast. Did I mention that it's really nice???

3. Was called old by a small kid aka my little cousin :(

4. My relatives actually said I'm thinner than my sis :) (Only a bit but at least I'm losing weight instead of gaining.)

5. My mum said my sis and I cannot study together since we won't stop talking. Normally, my mom will separate us since we couldn't stop quarrelling. I guess both of us are really growing up and becoming 2 matured girls. Yeah for us :)

6. My mum asked me to pass my exam and my sis to get As in her exam. Normally, it's the other way round...

7. My dad said pizza is fattening. Normally he would bring us there if we want to go...

Was in the room with my mom and sis yesterday night. With books in my sis and my hands, all 3 of us were talking. I guess it's the first time we are doing this since I entered matriculation. My mum mentioned that she's now quite easily irritated by noises since she's really getting used to the very quiet house after my sis and I left the house. Sigh... It's really great just sitting there and talking about stuffs although we ended up didn't study much. And to think about it, it's been a long time since all 4 of us are under the same roof. Sigh...

Can't wait to meet Saren's girlfriend. Can't wait for holiday (so that I can catch up with my studies and if possible, my dear old friends back in Tampin). To quote one of the character in the Christmas play, Michelle: ' Oh, I just can't wait!!!' :)

My first try :)

It all started with cg. It was just as usual then Eugene went on to talk about the Christmas Night. At the end of the meeting, I was asked to be the director of the Christmas play. No thanks to me who told Qin Zhi and Ben that I was once involved in drama back in secondary school.

Ya, I was kind of panic at first since being the director means I have to come out with the script and planning everything from the start to the end. Starting from that, no matter how my brain was almost saturated with all the different types of muscles and bones, a small part of my brain would still process all the info that I need for the play.

It's funny how the script was produced. In the beginning, I couldn't stop brainstorming for ideas but nothing seemed to come out. All I could think of was how Qin Zhi kept talking about the Grinch and acted as the Grinch. On one night, I was so exhausted that I slept at around 10 pm. Somehow, I woke up at 2 am in the morning. The moment I opened my eyes, all the ideas were swimming around my brain. I took a notebook and wrote down the story. Then during the first one-week holiday that I got, I wrote the script.

After the holiday, I showed the script to Ruth and Fiona. I got 2 nods. Then Qin Zhi asked me about it so I showed him the script. He gave me a rather different comment: 'It's more like a moral story.'

Then, it's time to find actors and actresses. Thank goodness I could find all 6 of them: Qin Zhi, Ben, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. And I even found some who volunteered to help me out: Leng Cheng, Winnie and Han Jun.

After the term 1 break, it was time to start the practices. Due to clashes, we had to do it at night at 11 pm. It's the same everyday, dancing practice in the evening, preparation at night, then drama practice. I didn't study much throughout that 2 weeks T.T

On the 21st, it was time for the show. Everything went on quite smoothly except for the first part where we couldn't find the small Christmas tree. Luckily, we found it under the big Christmas tree. Somehow, the drama was rather short. It seemed long during the practices. Sigh... Now, I must add a few more stuffs for the next performance for the college's Christmas night.

I received some compliments about the play and during the post-mortem, they said that overall it was ok. I guess it really did pay off and I have a huge satisfaction. A huge thanks to the actors and actresses, the citizens and the trees. And also Winnie for the props and all and Yen Hoong and Sarah for the makeups. Thanks :)

Merry Christmas, everyone and may God bless all of you.

P.S. Had been having a few mood swings lately and it kind of worsen after I found out that people are spreading rumours about me having a crush on this guy. It doesn't really bug me that much since it's not really true. I'm not that kind of girl who would allow myself to fall head to toes with a guy if he doesn't have any feelings towards me. Save me from all the heartbreak. Thanks to Ana, my 'twin', who accompanied me to Secret Recipe, listened and talked to me when the mood swing strike that day. Thanks :)

Thanks :)

Part A result is out after a long long LONG wait.

I passed!!!

Though it's not the best, but I'm still happy that I'm one of the 60+ who passed the exam.

I'll try harder for 2nd term.

Thank you Lord :)

To my friends who didn't manage to pass, don't give up. Sometimes people do fall, be strong and stand up again. All the best to you.

P.S. The Christmas play will be on the 21st. I just pray that everything will go well and I pray that with His help, I can come out with a nice closing for the play. This play is about Christmas and love and I'm going to talk about God's love towards us. Also pray for the actors and actresses: Qin Zhi, Benjamin, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. The citizens: Sara, Marcella and Leng Cheng. The trees: Andy, Chiun Kang, Jason, Lin Seong and Rui Ming. They'd been great throughout and I'm confident that they'll do their very best that night. Just pray that everything will go on smoothly :)

Wedding :)

For the first time in my life, I attended a Christian church wedding. And it was truly unforgettable.

The bride is Leng Cheng's friend whom she met when she was teaching at Pulau Ketam Secondary School. I was 'dragged' by Leng Cheng to the wedding ceremony. And I got to thank her for bringing me there. :D

It was held at a church in Klang. Can't remember the name though... For a girl who had never been to this kind of wedding, I was sitting inside the church looking forward for the ceremony. Unlike the normal Chinese wedding ceremony, it was held on time. Nono, not on time, 3 minutes before the planned time. For me, it was indeed a good start.

When the bride and her dad entered the church, all eyes were on her. She was beaming and so as the dad. All the small kids were cute in their white gown and small suits.



It began with praise and worship. Then prayers for the going-to-wed couple. I enjoyed the performance by the choir team. It was truly marvelous. Then the solo performance which also took my breath away.

Then, the moment which we had all been waiting for had arrived. The groom recited all he should say. The bride kind of forgot her lines but thankfully, the pastor was there and helped her with her lines. After that, it was the 'I Do' moment. That moment still makes me giggle even hours after the ceremony. :p

Leng Cheng and I noticed a guy from the groom's family which looks so like Timothy. And he was in charge of taking photos with the exact camera that Timothy uses. And the way he takes photo is also like him. We really had an impulse to take his photo and show it to Ruth but paiseh lah. Later people will think that we got a crush on him. Hehe :p

One thing which keeps on ringing in my head is the benevolent that the Reverend gave. A successful marriage requires one important aspect: Maturity. He said it's the easiest and also the most difficult to achieve. I got to agree with that. Even until now, I'm still not sure whether I'm matured enough to be somebody's girlfriend. I don't want to accept somebody just because everyone around me is in a relationship and I want to be a part of them. I want to be in a stable relationship with somebody who really respect and love me and also a responsible one. And so far, I haven't really fallen head to heels for a guy and ya, there's also the fact that guys really seldom notice me since I'm a little quiet. I guess that's the reason I'm still single. Aiyah, I'm 19 only, not 91. So I guess there's still time, right??? *shrug* Besides, I'm putting everything in His hand. I'm sure He has a plan for me. All I'm doing now is walking on the road that He had planned for me with His constant guidance. I'm really thankful for anything. No matter how life turns out to be, I know He will be there for me :)

Though I had to walk quite some distance with my wedges, I don't mind at all for the wedding was truly a sweet and memorable one :) Thanks Leng Cheng!

Birthday :)

Finally, I'm 19!!!
Oh, wait, should I be happy that I'm older? Hmmm... Oh well...
Should have started the day with a badminton game with my parents but I was too tired to wake up. Kind of slept at 5 am yesterday...
We went to Secret Recipe for my birthday dinner. Besides us, my grandma, my cousin and my aunt's family also joined us. Though 2 kiddos were fighting to blow the candles and cut the cake, it was truly an enjoyable night.
A shout out to my family, thanks for the great night :) And ya, to my friends, thanks for all the birthday wishes. I really appreciate and am really touched :)

Long lost me...

Ya, I'd been rather cut off from the outside world for the past 5 months. As much as I'm tempted to say that I'm tooooooooooo busy to blog, but somehow deep in my heart, I know it's the lazy worm's fault. Haha...

Since it's the holiday now (only for one pity week to recharge all the energy that I'd lost during the study week and exam week), all I want to do is to sleep and online and watch movies and most of all, pick up all the novels that I didn't have the time and guts to do so for the past 5 months. :(

First coming in to the oldest and top uni in Malaysia, I had fun during the official orientation. All the games and meeting people :) Then, came the orientation with all the medic seniors staring from the 5th year supersenior to the 2nd year senior. And then got myself enrolled in the buddy-line system where your buddy is like your second family in UM and they will guide you in your studies and stuffs... Of course, the attempt of brain-washing by some but from what I'd been through so far, brain-washing me is not something that you can do easily. And ya, racism is a no-no to me.


Picture taken after the buddy-line declaration ceremony...

With my cute cute co-buddy :P

After the orientation month, it was time for me to catch up with my study. Seriously, I was very very blurr and I failed my quiz. Though I didn't fail all 3 papers and managed to pass physiology but the fact that I failed the other 2 was just too hard for me. I was so sad and I broke down after I told my mum. For the entire day, I locked myself in the room with Snell (anat) in front of me... But luckily I managed to catch up with my studies. Though not as good as the other (seriously, I'm surrounded with tons and tons and genius, and for once, I feel rather insignificant...) I still failed my anat for the next 2 quizzes but overall I passed both the quizzes :) And ya, Nana, A is no longer a priority for me. It's different from last time and I'd accepted the fact.

Later on, I went to an interview as the 6th college magazine committee member. I got it and I'm in charge of creative writing. Then there's the college pesta tanglung which I'm in charge of protocol. That was one of the most interesting that I'd joined so far. I had fun with the mc, Yogesh and Sofiah. And for the first time of my life, I got to wear a cheongsam (thanks Grace) and become the usher :)

The MC, Yogesh and Sofiah, and the ushers, Qi Feng and I...

Oh ya, not forgetting my roomies. One is the ever so talented (cello, guitar, piano... and arts) and smart Ruth, the other is also the ever so talented (singing and dancing) and smart Chu Yee. Chu Yee volunteered as the college dancer and I accidentally got dragged in. So yeah, I'm now the college dancer. Not because I'm good at dancing (I'm BAD at it), it's because they're desperate for people and I was there at the right time =.= My first show was during the Minggu Seni Kreatif. We practiced a lot for the fan dance and thank goodness, nothing went wrong that day and Chu Yee and I really enjoy watching the video :) Next project, Festival Seni UM where we are going to compete with the other colleges (Gulp). Then the Malam Penganugerahan Ibnu Sina where we also have to perform.

The sixth college dancers...

We were also invited by Ruth's father aka Prof Cheng aka our Physiology lecturer to his house for a small gathering among the first-year Christians and a few of our seniors.

Group photo with Ruth's dad and mum...

Not forgetting the labmates that I got here. They are just so fun and cool. Love lab 9:) We even went out for gathering and dinner. Hehe :)

The entire lab 9 minus Ismail (our inside joke. Hehe...)

Dinner and birthday celebration at Chili in 1 u. :)

After all the fun, study week came and it was a real torture. At the end of class, I was so stressed out. All I wanted to do was to escape and ya, I ended up doing exactly the same thing. I packed my bags, took the LRT to KL Central and bought a train ticket back home. Stayed until the end of weekend and went back to college for study week. By that time, I am quite calm already. But seriously, 24 hours is far from enough. Even if I was facing the books for the entire day besides dinner, I couldn't finish. Got headache once in a while due to stress. Then came exam week. It was lagi teruk. I almost went panic and blank in the exam hall. But thanks to Him, I managed to calm myself down and kept on writing. Had headache and I think I had a mild depression. But still thanks to Him, I always managed at the end of the day. Thankfully, the end of exam came :)

Now here I am , at home resting, knowing full well that the result is coming out soon... Just as long as I pass (everyone is also hoping the same thing.), I'll be jumping up and down with joy :) Oh well, I'd tried all I could and I'm leaving the rest to God :) So long :P

New Stage In My Life...

After hibernating for 2 months, I'd been jolted up by my university application result. And, unexpectedly, I got Medic at UM. UM, Medic!!! Oh my, I'm really speechless.

Trust me, nobody expected me to be a medic student due to my height (or the lack of it...). I'm not making this up. My mom's gang (the teachers) didn't believe I can deal with all those bloods and stuffs. Michelle told me people got shocked when she told them about me wanting to be a doctor. I guess I really do look like a scared, tiny, timid little baby girl...

I'll be off this Sunday. Some of my friend also got the same u as me. One of them is Chu Yee!!! I really can't believe it. I still remember my first mentor-mentee meeting. Turned out that besides me, there was one more Chinese. We even shared the same surname!!! Now we are going to the same u!!! Unbelievable...

I'm really thanking God for everything. This is the path that God has chosen for me and I'll walk down this route. I know it'll not be easy but I'm ready to take up the challenge. I know people do tend to look down at us, the matrik students. One said that our 4.00 is like only 3.50 in STPM. The way they put it it's like we took away their opportunity and we do not deserve it. I'm going to put all my efforts and be extra hardworking. I'll never forget Him. I'll make it through the 5 difficult years of studying.

UM, here I come :)

Oh ya, also a big congrats to all my friends who got what they dream of. Congrats!!!

Mother's Day...

Have been slightly under the weather lately... Guess it's the journey back from JB. In and out and in and out of the car. Got me headache. Sigh...

Made fudge. It looks kind of ok. But then my mum said it's too sweet. Sigh...

Ok. Stop sighing. Mother's day is around the corner. Thinking back, normally I'll get a Winnie the Pooh for my mum for any occasions. Be it birthday or Mother's day. God knows how much she loves Pooh... Even the study room is slowly turning into Pooh's area. Never mind her room which has a cupboard full of Pooh. And the big-size Pooh is forced to squeeze in my small cupboard. Oh yeah, if you want to find my Avanza among all the other same colour Avanzas, no worry, just look for the one full with Pooh.

Guess what we are doing this Sunday? We are heading to Kelantan. It's just not fair. Out of so many days, the interview has to be on this Sunday. And in Kelantan. My parents did say that I can choose not to go but I know they want me to take the chance no matter how much I don't like it. Sigh... But I know that God has a plan for us. I just pray that I'm on the right track. No matter what, I will listen to Him and follow Him. Just pray that we'll have a safe 7-8 hours journey there... Heard that the road there is dangerous especially at night.

Here's a poem for all the mothers out there. Thanks for everything and Happy Mother's Day. (P.S. I wrote this a year ago so it may not be good but it did come from the heart.)

The one who taught me from
Crawling to walking
Falling to dancing
Crying to singing

The one who taught me from
ABC to XYZ
123 to 8910
Scrawling to writing
Scribbling to drawing

The one who taught me from
Making mistakes to learning lessons
Fearing difficulties to braving challenges
Making complaints to counting blessings
Taking granted to showing gratitude

The one whose charcoal black hair turns gray
Then white
The one whose strong steady pace turns shaky
Then weak
The one whose sparkling bright eyes turn weary
Then dull
While moulding me from an insignificant caterpillar
To a magnificent butterfly

Mother...
Thanks for everything!

Goodbye...

Goodbye... When will it actually be a time when saying goodbyes will be easy?

Yesterday was the day I had to leave KMJ. Can't believe it... A year passed by just like that. It only felt like a month or less than that. When I took up the offer and went straight to Tangkak, everyone was shocked. Who would have thought that a girl who had repeatedly tell everyone that she wouldn't go near even a foot to matriculation would just packed all her belongings and went to Johor matriculation college? Until now, I still can't believe that I did just that. Yes, I was reluctant to go. Heard lots of bad things about matric. But then I got no choice. At least at that moment. I woke up at 12 something am, saw Sik Hoe's sms that I got the offer, switched on the laptop, saw my name, woke my parents up and they convinced me to go. Packed my bags while crying, went to shopping to get more stuffs. By 3 pm, I was there in KMJ.

I remember how almost every Chinese that I met told me that they don't like the life there but surprisingly, I like it. I got used to hostel life and everyone seems nice to me. Cool room mates and nice practicum mates... When everyone called themselves PBSM (Persatuan Balik Setiap Minggu), I actually prefer to stay there during the weekends. Only went back when there was long break or emergency. By a few months time, I was close with my practicum mates and the regulars started to borrow my tutorial works.

Next, I went on to join the Christians there. It was nice with them but still my phobia towards Chinese prevented me from being close with them. Till now, I still regret it. All the lecturers were quite shocked by how I managed to get along extremely well with the Malays and my practicum mates were wondering why I find it hard to get close with the Chinese. Sorry people, my past experiences are still haunting me a little. Trust me, I'd tried so hard but I still cannot overcome my fear. *sob*

Honestly, I really cannot forget the year in KMJ. Too many sweet memories there. And also the friends I met there. They were the one who gave me confidence and they were the one who filled up the loneliness in me. They were the one who made me a more outspoken person instead of a girl who kept her mouth shut most of the times. We shared lots of joys and sadness among us and it will be hard for me to forget them. So a big shout out to Mai, Murni, Cindy, Jue, Sab , Yusri, Ain, all my practicum mates and all my friends, thanks for everything.

It was really hard to say goodbye yesterday. Though our parents were waiting for us, we still held each other hands and said goodbye repeatedly. The moment Murni broke down, I almost felt like crying. Murni, Mai and I kept hugging each other. Pity Yusri who could only stand there and watched us hugged each other. All he could do was said some things, waved and said goodbye. After what seemed like a long time, we finally made our move.

Hope all of us will keep our promise and stay in touch. I really appreciate our friendships and hope our friendship will last...

With Miss Farhana, our Chemistry tutor...

with Madam Thuwaibah on her farewell party, hope you're doing well in Japan right now...

with Miss Sheeda, our second English lecturer after Madam Thuwaibah...

with my LDK and the ever gorgeous mentor, madam Putri...

And lastly...

Murni, my lovely room mate...

Cindy, my lovely room mate as well...

Swee Fong and Murni during our block dinner...

Mai, Jue and I after our college annual dinner...

Ying Ying and I after my dinamika dinner...

Sylvia, the Penang girl and Cindy...

Jue, Mai and Sab...

Thanks for everything and thanks for all the sweet memories you guys have given me. Will always keep you guys in my heart. Till we meet again!!!

Hey...

This is kind of getting ridiculous. I really need to update more. If only I can find more time...

Lots of things have been going around me. First the mid sem test. Funny how the past years questions always seem quite ok but the moment you look at your paper, you'll faint. Tricky questions here and there especially Chemistry and Maths paper. And getting A means 80 marks and above which also means you can only afford to lose 8 marks. And after that, lecturers will start to complain about us. So easy also you cannot do or You guys are here to study, to get to university, not to play. It's time to get serious. Look at you incomplete tutorial. Do you expect to get 4 flat with efforts like that??? Buck up, people!!! No time to play. Sem 2 is not easy. And the list goes on and on. Pity these lecturers...

And then there's the surprises I got from the prize-giving ceremony. I didn't expect much but somehow I managed to get first prize in poem competition and crossword puzzle competition. Happy but shocked...

Next will be the big dinner which is on the 3rd February. Scared lah... What if I couldn't hold the fork and knife properly and then the chicken chop flew off my plate??? That'll be sooooo embarrassing. And then there's the bread problem. Which one to use? The fork, the knife or just hand??? Arrrggghhh... My room mate will have major problems when it comes to make up for me. Too many flaws. She's going to have a headache. Sorry dear...

Just read Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah. Not bad. If you like this kind of story, then I would suggest you to read The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan. Sad story based on the author's mum. The Bonesetter's Daughter is also quite nice too. And of course Little Hut of Leaping Fishes by Chiew-Siah Tei. A malaysian born author and guess which part of Malaysia? Tampin. Yup. A Tampin born author. That story is good. Got me crying and weeping. But the price...

Can't wait to buy some books. Haven't bought any books lately. My book list:

Inheritance Trilogy (Eragon, Eldest and Brisingr) by Christopher Paolini (Watched Eragon. Hope the book will be much better than the movie.)

Inkdeath by Cornelia Funke (Got Inkheart and Inkspell but then haven't touched them. Planning to but my mom wants to read it. Must remind her to pass it to Wei Lun when she finishes)

The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler (Watched the movie. Can't wait to read it.)

Sigh... Tuesday must go back to Tangkak already. Must do all the important visiting on the first day. Don't want to miss my chance. I miss holiday :(

Pink Mouse!!!

Yup. A pink mouse. A gift from Saren. According to him, it's a long due debt. Haha... I like the colour and it's really cute. Even my mum and my sis are trying to persuade me to leave it at home. Well, I really like the pink mouse but the problem is, I don't use mouse. Yup, the list of me being a weirdo is getting longer and longer... I'm comfortable with the mouse pad and I seldom touch the mouse. Of course, I didn't tell Saren that. No point letting him know. Besides I told him that I really like it and I do like it. It's very sweet. Thanks a lot to the guy who always call me shortie!!!

Oh ya, I almost forgot about this. How did I even forget to blog about it at the first place?! For book lovers, you really should visit HarperCollins website. They have this section called Browse Inside. There they offer full access on selected titles, which means you can read it for free. Wow... But to those who, like me, are used to reading books instead of reading it on computer, it'll be hard to stare at the computer for a long time. Eventually, I gave up unless the book is very interesting lah. So be sure to check it out ;)

Fashion Show and I???

So tired. If you still remember, I mentioned about a fashion show in my last post. My gosh... It was tiring. Practised almost every night. Teacher promised there'd be a runway. Thought of formation. Practised formation. Called my parents to send all the clothes and accessories. Tried on all the dresses. Chose a little black dress. Changed to a white dress. The reason: (given by my room mate) the black dress is hot but with a scarf, it looks plain. Spend RM150 on make up. Funny how my mum didn't say no when I asked for it. But she did say that this will be the first and the last. One of the girl pulled out on Thursday. We were so worried. Teacher said no 10 people, then we can't take part. The moment she said we can asked somebody else from another class, Sylvia passed by and she agreed to join us without second thought. (Love you, girl!!!)Saturday evening saw the notice that runway won't be provided. Rushed back and told my group about it. Came out with another formation at night. Started practice at 8 something until 11 something. All of us slept in Wei Rou's room. Tried on the white dress since they wanted to see me in it. Wei Rou did my hair to see which suits me. By 2.30, my hair was set and I had my dress on. Had to sleep faced down on the floor. Woke up at 4.30 am. Wei Rou and I tried all our best to wake the rest up. By 6.30 am, we started to make up. But we only managed to apply foundation on. by 7.25, all of us rushed to the hall for the registration. Since we were the 43rd group, we still had some time. We quickly make up. Helen did for me. She is good :) Practised some more. Watched the competition. A guy was shocked when Wei Rou, Sylvia and I walked in the hall. Guess we looked quite different... Our turned came. My heart was beating so extremely fast when I was at the backstage but the moment I came out, I wasn't nervous anymore. Well, we didn't win but we still had fun. Everyone was great that day and we took some photos. Even Wei Rou took many many many photos before removing her make up. She was so excited. Girls...

Wei Rou, Jah, Eza, Me and Sylvia

Sylvia, Poh Yee (from Ipoh), Wei Rou and I

I know I looked weird. People were telling me that I looked cute. Haha...

A dinner with the theme 'modern, elegant, fahionable' will be held on the 3rd. Have to make up again. Another dinner will also be held in February. Who would have thought that you have to attend formal dinner with make up and dresses in matriculation? Well, certainly not me. Another new experience and I had fun ;)

Hi after a long time...

I know, I know, I haven't update for a month, I think... Have been very busy lately. Next week got Moral multimedia presentation. And on the same day, I'm involved with the fashion show competition. No, no, you didn't read wrongly. Yes, yes, fashion show, people, fashion show. Go ahead. Bang your head on the wall. Laugh all you might. Just wait till I manage to find a place and hide myself. The theme we chose is formal dinner so it'll be my first time wearing a dress with make up. If it ends up well, I'll post photos here. And please wish me good luck, ok? I really need it.

Oh ya, I'm officially 18 years old!!! Yipee!!! (although I still look like an imature 13-14 year-old girl...) Thanks for all the birthday wishes :) You know the term double happiness??? My room mate used that on me. On 2nd December, final result came out. Oh my gosh... It was a suffering having to wait for a long time until you get to the lecturer and it's even worst when the queue didn't even move. Honestly, I almost cried right then. It was a total torture. When I saw my result, I immediately called my parents. When I told them I got 4, I cried right there. With hundreds of students around me. So malu... I couldn't help it. Another great news, the college will organize a all-paid (I think) trip to somewhere (last year was Cameron) for all the 4 flat students. Can't wait to go with Cindy (my room mate)!!!

It's kind of disappointing. I was not chosen for the Bio camp. 2 of my classmates are chosen. 1 Chinese guy from my kuliah was complaining since he doesn't want to go. I guess I have to accept the fact that getting 4 does not mean that you'll be chosen for anything. Nah, I don't want to go further into this topic.

I have to fill in the IPTA form next week. Most probably medic will be my first choice. I'm really interested with medic but I have to be prepared for a lot of things. Chu Yee was telling me that she is afraid to take up medic. You won't have time for anything. By the time you finish your study, you're already 30+. How about your family? She told me that when one of her friend insisted to take up medic, her mum asked her to get marry first. She also told her that she will take care of her children just as long as she has a family. For me, I don't really put much hope on this thing. I'm never the pretty one. No guys ever look at me. I don't mind being alone for the rest of my life but still I hate the feeling of being alone. Sigh... No matter how things turn up, I still pray for the best. I know He has a plan for me and His plan is always the best.

Have to finish my work. By 11, we can't use the wifi service. So annoying, right? I guess they are afraid that we will spend all our time online and forgot to study. Sigh... Will blog soon. Tata ;)