Firsts :)

On the first day of 2010, I got an sms from my mum. I replied her, packed my bag and off I went to Kajang to have dinner with my family. And I guess that's a pretty good start to a brand new year.

Since it's the first post of a brand new year, let me think of some firsts that I came across in this new year...

1. Had jelly cake for my sis and grandfather's birthdays. It's so delicious especially the chocolate one!!! Maybe I should make a change and ask for a jelly cake for my birthday :P

2. Had jelly cake for breakfast. Did I mention that it's really nice???

3. Was called old by a small kid aka my little cousin :(

4. My relatives actually said I'm thinner than my sis :) (Only a bit but at least I'm losing weight instead of gaining.)

5. My mum said my sis and I cannot study together since we won't stop talking. Normally, my mom will separate us since we couldn't stop quarrelling. I guess both of us are really growing up and becoming 2 matured girls. Yeah for us :)

6. My mum asked me to pass my exam and my sis to get As in her exam. Normally, it's the other way round...

7. My dad said pizza is fattening. Normally he would bring us there if we want to go...

Was in the room with my mom and sis yesterday night. With books in my sis and my hands, all 3 of us were talking. I guess it's the first time we are doing this since I entered matriculation. My mum mentioned that she's now quite easily irritated by noises since she's really getting used to the very quiet house after my sis and I left the house. Sigh... It's really great just sitting there and talking about stuffs although we ended up didn't study much. And to think about it, it's been a long time since all 4 of us are under the same roof. Sigh...

Can't wait to meet Saren's girlfriend. Can't wait for holiday (so that I can catch up with my studies and if possible, my dear old friends back in Tampin). To quote one of the character in the Christmas play, Michelle: ' Oh, I just can't wait!!!' :)

New year...

Tick tock, tick tock...

A few more hours later, we'll be bidding goodbye to 2009 and say hi to 2010. And I really can't help but to use the phrase that I'd been using quite frequently here - time really does fly.

Hmmm... What had I been doing for the past one year?

1. Started the year with the continuation of second semester of matriculation. After around 4 months, I finished my exam and was forced to say goodbye to the place where I became a more mature girl and had fun.

2. Had a strong feeling towards someone. After 2 months or so, the feeling just disappeared into the thin air and thank goodness it did.

3. After a month goyang kaki at home, result came out. It was time to get busy with university application. Pondering for a long time at the options, medicine was selected as my first choice.

4. After about 3 months of doing nothing at home, university application result came out. I got my first choice - a chance to study medicine and fulfill my dream in the oldest university in Malaysia, UM. Thank God for that :)

5. After a week of university's orientation, I was shocked to find out that there's really such a thing as orientation with our Chinese seniors. Ya, I read about it on a forum but I didn't know whether to believe or not. I didn't know what to expect as well. I was the target since I posted some comments on the forum under the name of 'green fish' and the name still stuck with me. But thank God too, I made through this rough month.

6. Found out that medicine is as difficult as what people had always said. And I need to study constantly. With all the smart people around me, I realised people back then had always been overestimating me. I failed my first quiz. Broke down. Stood up. And I managed to pass the next 2 quizzes.

7. Persuaded by Chu Yee to go to the dancing class. Ended up being a part of 6th college dancing team.

8. Study week forced its way through. I was so scared that all I wanted to do was to escape. And I did just that thing. With no companion, I went all the way to KL Central by myself, bought a ticket and went home. Parents were shocked but I was really lost that time. Found out much later that my friends who saw me that day could see that I was on the edge of breaking down. And they were so right - I almost cried out loud in KL Central while telling my mum that I'd bought the ticket and was waiting for the ride back home. After few peaceful days at home, I went back to college for study week.

9. Exam week came. For the first time in my life, I almost went blank during the exam. Thanks to Him, I managed to calm myself down. (Note to myself: Be more well prepared and be more confident with myself.) Then came the holiday.

10. Passed my exam. Promised myself that I'll work harder.

11. Being the director for the first time. Had a great time. Though I looked rather stressful but I was having fun. Seriously. (:

12. Went to watch movies for the first time. Not just one but 2 in a span of 1 week. Hehe :P

Hmmm...

New year resolution? Honestly, I'd never made any. Maybe I should start a list this year.

1. Smile more. STOP putting up the very serious face.

2. Make more friends.

3. Pass phase I exam.

4. Be a nicer girl.

5. Be more confident and cheerful.

6. Be more understanding.

7. Try to get to the airport when it's time for Saren to leave Malaysia.

8. Talk more.

9. Be more hardworking.

Most important, break the thick wall which I'd build around myself for many years. And ya, grow stronger in Him. (:

Happy new year to myself and all of you who are reading this :)

My first try :)

It all started with cg. It was just as usual then Eugene went on to talk about the Christmas Night. At the end of the meeting, I was asked to be the director of the Christmas play. No thanks to me who told Qin Zhi and Ben that I was once involved in drama back in secondary school.

Ya, I was kind of panic at first since being the director means I have to come out with the script and planning everything from the start to the end. Starting from that, no matter how my brain was almost saturated with all the different types of muscles and bones, a small part of my brain would still process all the info that I need for the play.

It's funny how the script was produced. In the beginning, I couldn't stop brainstorming for ideas but nothing seemed to come out. All I could think of was how Qin Zhi kept talking about the Grinch and acted as the Grinch. On one night, I was so exhausted that I slept at around 10 pm. Somehow, I woke up at 2 am in the morning. The moment I opened my eyes, all the ideas were swimming around my brain. I took a notebook and wrote down the story. Then during the first one-week holiday that I got, I wrote the script.

After the holiday, I showed the script to Ruth and Fiona. I got 2 nods. Then Qin Zhi asked me about it so I showed him the script. He gave me a rather different comment: 'It's more like a moral story.'

Then, it's time to find actors and actresses. Thank goodness I could find all 6 of them: Qin Zhi, Ben, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. And I even found some who volunteered to help me out: Leng Cheng, Winnie and Han Jun.

After the term 1 break, it was time to start the practices. Due to clashes, we had to do it at night at 11 pm. It's the same everyday, dancing practice in the evening, preparation at night, then drama practice. I didn't study much throughout that 2 weeks T.T

On the 21st, it was time for the show. Everything went on quite smoothly except for the first part where we couldn't find the small Christmas tree. Luckily, we found it under the big Christmas tree. Somehow, the drama was rather short. It seemed long during the practices. Sigh... Now, I must add a few more stuffs for the next performance for the college's Christmas night.

I received some compliments about the play and during the post-mortem, they said that overall it was ok. I guess it really did pay off and I have a huge satisfaction. A huge thanks to the actors and actresses, the citizens and the trees. And also Winnie for the props and all and Yen Hoong and Sarah for the makeups. Thanks :)

Merry Christmas, everyone and may God bless all of you.

P.S. Had been having a few mood swings lately and it kind of worsen after I found out that people are spreading rumours about me having a crush on this guy. It doesn't really bug me that much since it's not really true. I'm not that kind of girl who would allow myself to fall head to toes with a guy if he doesn't have any feelings towards me. Save me from all the heartbreak. Thanks to Ana, my 'twin', who accompanied me to Secret Recipe, listened and talked to me when the mood swing strike that day. Thanks :)

Thanks :)

Part A result is out after a long long LONG wait.

I passed!!!

Though it's not the best, but I'm still happy that I'm one of the 60+ who passed the exam.

I'll try harder for 2nd term.

Thank you Lord :)

To my friends who didn't manage to pass, don't give up. Sometimes people do fall, be strong and stand up again. All the best to you.

P.S. The Christmas play will be on the 21st. I just pray that everything will go well and I pray that with His help, I can come out with a nice closing for the play. This play is about Christmas and love and I'm going to talk about God's love towards us. Also pray for the actors and actresses: Qin Zhi, Benjamin, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. The citizens: Sara, Marcella and Leng Cheng. The trees: Andy, Chiun Kang, Jason, Lin Seong and Rui Ming. They'd been great throughout and I'm confident that they'll do their very best that night. Just pray that everything will go on smoothly :)

Sorry...

Why is it so hard for me to hide my feelings?

The moment I saw my result, I didn't know how to react. I guess I gave everyone the impression that I failed my test. I wanted to be happy that I passed but somehow I couldn't do it.

All this while, I'd been telling myself that it's not easy to pass and I'd be jumping out of joy if I do passed but after seeing my result, I went blank.

I wanted to pick up the phone and call my parents. Then I realised they are in Hong Kong and there's no way I can talk to them until they come back on the 21st.

I went back to my room and the tears just flowed out. Then my roomie and my friends came back. I tried to put on a strong face and pretend that I'm happy that I passed but I couldn't although I know that I should.

People said I have high expectation for myself. But all I want to do is to try my very best. After the 4 days exams, I realised I wasn't hardworking enough. I tried to keep my mouth shut but I couldn't. And I ended up with annoying those who are around me.

'Thou shalt not lie' Maybe I hold too strongly on this phrase and lying becomes something which is difficult for me to do. And it's even harder for me to hide my feelings for long.

Then, I annoyed people by crying when I once got 70+ for Add. Maths. Now I annoyed people by crying when I get a C for my part A exam. Why must it be so hard for me to control the tears? I'd made people angry with me and maybe caused some hatred due to this behaviour of mine. Why must I do it again?

I'm really sorry to my roomie and my friends who spend a lot of time with me. I'm sorry you guys have to put up with this behaviour of mine. I'm sorry that I annoyed you guys with this behaviour of mine. I'm sorry that I made you guys upset. I'm sorry. All I want to do now is to dig a hole and hide myself. I'm really disappointed with myself :(

Used-to-be...

Started the day by opening my very bengkak eyes. No thanks to the non-stop flowing tears for hours yesterday night while watching a series :( Then, Chu Yee, Cheng Nee and I headed straight to Mid Valley to catch The Princess and The Frog.

Since it's a Disney cartoon, the movie attracted quite a number of children. Throughout the movie, I heard the children talking and laughing. And I couldn't help but to smile. For a while, I did what I didn't like to do by stepping into the time-travel machine and went back to the past.

Back then, I was a girl who doesn't look like one. With an extremely short hair and funny features, people often thought that I was a boy. I didn't like it and I used to cry a lot after the trip to the hairdresser. I used to think that why can't I be as beautiful as my sis. I used to think that why can't I look as a sweet little girl like most of my female classmates. Then, I'd decided, since I can't look like one, I must act like one. I totally ignored the pants and shorts and only wore skirts. I paid attention when I came across articles or books or shows on etiquette. I didn't sit with my legs crossed and I still don't. I ate using fork and spoon even while eating chicken wing and I still do that. I'm only starting to wear pants and shorts since it's weird to walk around the college with skirt. After primary school, I'd never cut my hair above shoulder length. And now, some are saying that I'm like a little princess. After spending a year in matrik and now with all my coursemates, I'm starting to think that I'm a little bit too skema. I guess now I do understand how one's past can change a person...

Back then, I was the girl who never finished her homework. I'd wait and wait and wait and till the last minute, I would start to rush. But with the mountains of homework to be handed in everyday, it'd take a miracle to finish off at the last minute so I always ended up with blank pages on my books. Teachers were annoyed and I was labelled as the useless one, the hopeless one and twice, I got slapped by my teachers in front of everyone. Then I started to have horrible mood swings. I cried everyday in school, came back home and refused to talked with my parents. I could sit there and said nothing for days no matter how much my parents tried to make me to talk. How I ended up with all As is still a wonder to me... After leaving primary school, I was determined to change. And I did exactly the same thing. I never missed any homework and my result became better. By form 4 and 5, I was one of the top in my class. And now, I managed to enter UM despite the strong competitions among all the STPM and matriculation students. Though I never managed to figure out the exact reason of why I had the determination to change, but I never forget to thank God for everything :)

Back then, I was a naive girl. Very naive. And I got myself fooled a lot of times. After all the tears and all, I grew up and become less naive. Till now, Daniel's sms when he knew I was in matrik still makes me smile - 'Ooh, how our wittwe wawy gwew has gwown up'.

Back then, when I was a primary school girl, people often thought that I was a secondary school girl. When I was in secondary school, people thought that I was a primary school girl. Now as a first year university student, people think that I'm a form 1-3 girl. Haha... Oh well, at least I look younger than my age :P

Back then, I was a lost soul. Now I found Him. And that's the turning point in my life :)

Touched...

This is a poem that I found on Naveen's blog and from the moment I read it, I knew there's nothing that can stop me from posting it here.

When I Say

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow

Thank You for everything and truly, there is none like You :)