Dilemma...

Ended my O & G and Primary Care postings. Not exactly satisfied with my performance. There were some great experiences and I'm thankful for everything :)

Entering Paeds :) I'm quite happy since I can never take my eyes off children. I'll just take these 2 months to explore Paeds and see how far I can go. Most importantly, I need to buck up. I feel like I'm going back to the old me that I'd eradicated when I entered secondary school :( Just pray that I'll have the strength and the energy to go on.

Something had happened within these 2 months. Maybe it's my fault that I'm magnifying the issue. At first, everything was friendly and I was relatively happy. Then, after spending more and more time, I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable. Almost everyday I need to come up with explanations for something that I did. The actions didn't mean anything but somehow, they were seen and interpreted differently. Everyday I need to hear the same phrase in a tone which is only used in a different setting and occasion. Every time I see a side that I don't like and can't comprehend.

I know that these incidents happened quite innocently but I've never been comfortable with person of a different gender unless they are really my close friends. I'd been thinking and sometimes saying things that I don't want to say and I'm feeling really bad. I'd tried to stop it but the thoughts just kept linger on.

I'm sorry. I'm a coward. In occasion like this, I tend to choose to stay away. I don't want to reach a point where I will do and say something which will offend people so I'd been keeping a distance. Somehow, by keeping a distance, I'm also offending people.

I'm deep in dilemma and I don't want to do something that I'll regret. So should I just keep a distance or should I just pretend nothing had happened, put a smile on my face although I'm feeling very very uncomfortable?

Hmmm...