"The higher you climb, the harder you fall."
The amount of truth to this - 100%.
Imagine walking through many ladders and you found one which caught your eyes and you started to climb.
Along the way, you felt there was something wrong, as if there's just not you alone who was climbing the stairs. But you didn't care. You closed your thoughts when rationale was trying to warn you. You closed you eyes towards everything around you and you continue climbing.
Just when you thought you're nearing the top, you realised there were no more stairs to climb. Looking up, someone else was already at the top.
It was too late to realise that the ladder was never meant for you to climb at the first place.
You fell hard to the ground and broke into pieces, especially your heart.
You had to pick up the pieces, paste every single one together, lick your tears, stand up and continue walking.
All these with a smile on your face and pretending that nothing had ever happened.
Heartache is the worst. It haunts you every time. You spend all your energy into work because you don't want to think about other things. Every time you stop and pause, all the thoughts keep rushing back and tears start collecting. And you continue to work because you don't want to think about it.
It's a vicious cycle, I know. But I can't help it. I really don't want to think about it.
People said it's my fault. I am the stupid and retarded one.
But just stand at my shoes and think, how many times can I go through the whole cycle again? It's painful, really really agonising-ly painful.
One is bad, 2 is just bad, 3 is plain stupidity.
Let my cry for now. I'm a big girl, I can go through this.
I'll stand back up.
