Every time I go for on call, a boy, who was diagnosed with malignancy, would always be passed over.
The first time I saw him, I was shocked. Other than the gross ascites, he was all bones and no flesh. He would lie prop up with his parents with him. His younger brother would always be there. What strike me the most was the difference between these 2 boys. His younger brother was so chubby and active and he would always be playing while the older brother laid on the bed tiredly.
That was 3 weeks ago.
Today was my first day in Paeds ICU. The moment I stepped in, I saw him on one of the bed, sitting up, with oxygen mask, very tachypnoea with intercostal, subcostal and suprasternal recession and usage of accessory muscles.
Fast forward to 7 hours later.
After seminar, we went back to PICU and they were preparing to intubate him. However, pressure started to drop. All the doctors tried to resuscitate him. External cardiac massage and bagging were done. Death was then pronounced.
We 3 medical students stood there and we saw everything right in front of our eyes. After that, we stepped out and took a few deep breaths. I managed to suppress my tears but I kept thinking about all the petty things that I'm angry about, all the emotions which drive me haywire and all the love and gratitude that went unspoken.
Life is short. One minute we may be alive, breathing in the air that we have been taken for granted, eating as much as we desire and being a part of rat race. But what will happen next? Things may take a sharp turn and the next minute, you may be at the lowest point of your life. At this point, the small matters that you worry about will not be your worries anymore. At this point, all you think about are the things that you care and love about the most. At this point, all regrets will flood through your mind.
Live life as if tomorrow is the last.
PS: I may know how to type all these but will I be able to practice these? I guess that's what we human are good at. All talks but no action...
