*breathe in* In a few hours time, I'll be heading to Merlimau for my JPA interview. I'm actually very nervous. The same usual me. Too bad I didn't have a chance to talk to Saren's cousin due to some connection problems. Choon Min reminded me soooo... many times that I have to send him all the things that I'd prepared after my interview. Oh... Didn't I mention that tomorrow is the first day of interview??? Ya. I'm among the lucky candidates who get to go to the interview first. And I'm same time with you-know-who. Lucky for me, I have a friend whom her interview is earlier than mine so I can sms her and ask her. I understand that I don't stand a high chance since normally only 1 or 2 from our school will get the scholarship and 2 classmates of mine stand a very high chance. Nonetheless, I'll definitely give my best shot. At first, I was planning to wear a short-sleeve blouse and a knee length skirt. Luckily, I heard that that's not so proper as you need to cover up and that baju kurung will the best choice for girls. I didn't manage to borrow baju kurung but I got a songket kebaya from my sister's friend. So I'm wearing that.
Oh ya, before I end this (still got things to prepare), I would like to thanks Michelle Goh for replying my e-mail and giving me some tips for the interview. She also gave me a website and it was very useful. Thanks a lot!!!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wish list...
A bookaholic like me can never get enough of books. I'm starting my own personal library in my room. After counting, I only have 60-65 books!!! That is way far than enough. Here are some of the books that I want and am trying my best to get my hands on them.
I'm sniffing a little now. Love books that are very emotional especially those that can really make me cry.
Elves, goblins, dwarves, trolls and other creatures??? I must be insane if I don't like this. 
In the tranquil fields and meadows of long-ago England, there is a small hamlet that has stood on a jut of granite for 600 years. Just to the east stands a high stone wall, for which the village is named. Here, in the hamlet of Wall, young Tristran Thorn has lost his heart to the hauntingly beautiful Victoria Forester. And here, one crisp October eve, Tristran makes his love a promise -- an impetuous vow that will send him through the only breach in the wall, across the pasture... and into the most exhilarating adventure of his life.
I'd always love fantasy and this just seems to be one that will bring me to an exciting and unusual adventure. Can't wait for it!
They were friends who shared everything - until tragedy singled one out. At the birth of their daughters best friends Rachel, Mariel and Jenny make a promise: to love and care for each other's girls exactly as they would their own. Six years later and a tragedy has torn them apart. Within weeks, Rachel has packed up and gone. Settling on the beautiful, windswept Greek island of Santorini, she knows she has come to the right place, but as she slowly rebuilds her world she can't forget the pledge she once made to her friends. She hires a private investigator, the enigmatic Johnny Palmer, and arranges for him to send regular updates on the girls she has left behind. Over the years, with Palmer's help, she is able to secretly soothe their growing pains - as well as those of their parents. But in Rachel's new island life far from home, who will be there to guide her?
I'm sniffing a little now. Love books that are very emotional especially those that can really make me cry.
It all started with a mysterious letter left at a tiny bookstore for authors Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black. Its closing lines: "We just want people to know about this. The stuff that has happened to us could happen to anyone." Little could they imagine the remarkable adventure that awaited them as they followed Jared, Simon, and Mallory Grace and a strange old book into a world filled with elves, goblins, dwarves, trolls, and a fantastical menagerie of other creatures. The oddest part is in entering that world, they didn't leave this one!
Elves, goblins, dwarves, trolls and other creatures??? I must be insane if I don't like this.
Some people wait their whole lives to find their soul mates. But not Holly and Gerry. Childhood sweethearts, they could finish each other's sentences and even when they fought, they laughed. No one could imagine Holly and Gerry without each other. Until the unthinkable happens. Gerry's death devastates Holly. But as her 30th birthday looms, Gerry comes back to her. He's left her a bundle of notes, gently guiding Holly into her new life without him, each note signed "P.S. I Love You." As the notes are gradually opened, and as the year unfolds, Holly is both cheered up and challenged. The man who knows her better than anyone sets out to teach her that life goes on. With some help from her friends, and her noisy and loving family, Holly finds herself laughing, crying, singing, dancing - and being braver than ever before. Life is for living, she realises - but it always helps if there's an angel watching over you.
Cecelia Ahern's novels always have this magical touch. Love them.
This stunning novel begins on a winter night in 1961, when a blizzard forces Dr. David Henry to deliver his own twins. His son, born first, is perfectly healthy, but the doctor immediately recognizes that his daughter has Down syndrome. For motives he tells himself are good, he makes a split-second decision that will haunt all their lives forever. He asks his nurse, Caroline, to take the baby away to an institution. Instead, she disappears into another city to raise the child as her own. Compulsively readable and deeply moving. The Memory Keeper's Daughter is a brilliant crafted story of parallel lives, familial secretsm, and the redemptive power of love.
Tragic family saga? I got to love this.
Hiro Nakamura possesses the remarkable power to control time. And like his uniquely blessed comrades, he’s on a mission for the good of humankind. But another challenge awaits him: saving the love of his life from an unspeakable death. Charlene “Charlie” Andrews is the big-hearted, small-town beauty whose sunny smile and sweet soul knocked the shy Hiro head over heels. But when Charlie’s young life is snuffed out by a grisly serial killer, their budding romance is brutally cut short. Or is it? Thanks to his astounding newfound skill, Hiro has the means to do what no tragedy-stricken lover in history ever could–turn back time. And no matter how raw his abilities, or how many twists of circumstance conspire to foil him, he vows to deliver Charlie from the evil poised to claim her. He will be her hero. But what possible consequences might changing the past visit upon the future? How could saving one cherished life affect millions ofothers? And what ultimate choice will Hiro make when the power of fate rests in his hands?
Hiro is sooo... cute!!!
Only a special kind of person can keep up with Monk's brilliant, it idiosyncratic, methods. One such person is his former assistant, Sharona. And now that her ne'er-do-well husband has been arrested for murder, she's back in San Francisco, ready to reclaim her place in Monk's life-much to the chagrin of his current assistant, Natalie. While Monk tries to maintain a delicate balance between the two women, he discovers a few unsettling snags in the case against Sharona's husband, and finds that he may be up against a killer who not only understands him, but is one step ahead...
I miss this series. Monk is definitely one of my favourite detective.
Inside little blue envelope 1 are $1,000 and instructions to buy a plane ticket. In envelope 2 are directions to a specific London flat. The note in envelope 3 tells Ginny: Find a starving artist. Because of envelope 4, Ginny and a playwright/thief/ bloke-about-town called Keith go to Scotland together, with somewhat disastrous—though utterly romantic—results. But will she ever see him again? Everything about Ginny will change this summer, and it's all because of the 13 little blue envelopes.
Adventure with a twist of romance? Count me in ;)
That's all I can think of now. I'm quite sure there are a lot more. Will blog about them once I remember :)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
My Current Favourite...
Heard this song a few times on the radio. Love it very much. This song is sooo sweet...
Say It Again - Marie Digby
The thing about love
Is I never saw it coming
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise
And now there’s a voice inside my heart that’s got me wondering
Is this true, I want to hear it one more time
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again
Thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there’s no end in sight
The thing about me is that I really want to let you
Open that door and walk into my life
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
And it feels like it’s the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again
When you tell me you’re in love…
Say it again
Say It Again - Marie Digby
The thing about love
Is I never saw it coming
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise
And now there’s a voice inside my heart that’s got me wondering
Is this true, I want to hear it one more time
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again
Thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there’s no end in sight
The thing about me is that I really want to let you
Open that door and walk into my life
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
And it feels like it’s the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
Say it again for me
Cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again
When you tell me you’re in love…
Say it again
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Touching...
Almost everytime this song is played, there'll be tears in my eyes. It is just so touching. There's no personal reason why this song always makes me want to cry since I come from a close-knit family. Or maybe that's the reason. It always breaks my heart to come across this kind of song and story. It really really makes me realise how lucky am I and I'm really grateful to God of what I have.
Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Truth...
Was watching Damages last night. The truths were twisted and everything looked bleak for Ellen.
Sigh... It's really hard to trust anyone nowadays. I know how it feels. I'm the type of person who wish to trust people but after everything that had happened to me, I just know that I can't. I still remember once when I read about something bad, my heart was shattered. I didn't know what to do. I found it hard to trust anyone and I began to doubt some of my friends. I send an e-mail to a friend. I know he/she is a sensible person and he/she will not do anyting horrible but I was really afraid since he/she is a good friend of a person who really dislikes me. I asked him/her to delete the e-mail I send to him/her because I was scared that he/her would send it to his/her friend. I know he/she won't do that but I was really hurt by what had happened. Later, he/she replied and asked me what was wrong. He/she even said that if I need someone to talk to, I can always contact him/her. Until now, I still feel guilty of even doubting him/her. Later that night, Sabbie saw what I wrote on web messenger and she called me to ask me what had happened. She really showed her concern. Few weeks ago, another truth was twisted again and I send a sms to Nana and told her that something had happened. She immediately called me up even though she wasn't supposed to use the phone. She is really a great friend.
After everything that had happened to me, I don't deny that I find it hard to trust anyone again. I can't bear to see myself getting hurt again. Looking at the bright side, I found those who I can really trust or should I say true friend. Although we may drift apart sooner or later, although we may not see each other again, I'll still remember those who had given me the strength to stand up again and made me see that there is still hope.
A sincere gratitude to those who were and still are a good friend of mine and sorry if I had ever offended you guys.
True Friend - Miley Cyrus
We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around
You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend
You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found
A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the thing you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in
A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
Pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend
You're a true friend
You're a true friend
Sigh... It's really hard to trust anyone nowadays. I know how it feels. I'm the type of person who wish to trust people but after everything that had happened to me, I just know that I can't. I still remember once when I read about something bad, my heart was shattered. I didn't know what to do. I found it hard to trust anyone and I began to doubt some of my friends. I send an e-mail to a friend. I know he/she is a sensible person and he/she will not do anyting horrible but I was really afraid since he/she is a good friend of a person who really dislikes me. I asked him/her to delete the e-mail I send to him/her because I was scared that he/her would send it to his/her friend. I know he/she won't do that but I was really hurt by what had happened. Later, he/she replied and asked me what was wrong. He/she even said that if I need someone to talk to, I can always contact him/her. Until now, I still feel guilty of even doubting him/her. Later that night, Sabbie saw what I wrote on web messenger and she called me to ask me what had happened. She really showed her concern. Few weeks ago, another truth was twisted again and I send a sms to Nana and told her that something had happened. She immediately called me up even though she wasn't supposed to use the phone. She is really a great friend.
After everything that had happened to me, I don't deny that I find it hard to trust anyone again. I can't bear to see myself getting hurt again. Looking at the bright side, I found those who I can really trust or should I say true friend. Although we may drift apart sooner or later, although we may not see each other again, I'll still remember those who had given me the strength to stand up again and made me see that there is still hope.
A sincere gratitude to those who were and still are a good friend of mine and sorry if I had ever offended you guys.
True Friend - Miley Cyrus
We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around
You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend
You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found
A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the thing you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in
A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
Pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend
You're a true friend
You're a true friend
Monday, March 17, 2008
More books!!!
Went to bookxcess last week. Bought 8 more books.
And 3 books for my 14 year old cousin who had taken the trouble to go to bookxcess and buy books for me and refused the money when I wanted to pay her.
After a 10% membership discount, all these 11 books only cost me about RM150++!!! I also got a lovely book thong for free!!!
Can't wait for my next trip to bookxcess. Hopefully, it'll be in May during the school holiday.
I'm still reading The Lord of The Rings. '... Were I to go where my heart dwells, far in the North I would now be wandering in the fair valley of Rivendell.' Awww... Aragorn is sooo... sweet. Pity Eowyn though... Wonder what will happen to all of them... 15 more chapters to go!!!
And 3 books for my 14 year old cousin who had taken the trouble to go to bookxcess and buy books for me and refused the money when I wanted to pay her.
After a 10% membership discount, all these 11 books only cost me about RM150++!!! I also got a lovely book thong for free!!!
Can't wait for my next trip to bookxcess. Hopefully, it'll be in May during the school holiday.
I'm still reading The Lord of The Rings. '... Were I to go where my heart dwells, far in the North I would now be wandering in the fair valley of Rivendell.' Awww... Aragorn is sooo... sweet. Pity Eowyn though... Wonder what will happen to all of them... 15 more chapters to go!!!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Dilemma...
Sorry for being so emo yesterday. I was too disappointed and distressed by what happened early that morning.
Back to later that morning. My result was out yesterday (Wednesday). I was so nervous until I bit the tissue packet I was holding. I was so nervous until I didn't greet Nana with much enthusiasm even though I was very excited to see her. Kind of hate myself for that. Daniel teased me for having a tissue packet. Sabbie asked me to stop bitting the poor tissue packet. I must have looked like a fool... Can't really blame me. The waiting was horrible. Must wait for the principal to get back. Then, must wait for the teachers who went to the meeting room. Sigh... My heart was beating soooooo fast.
When my mom told me my result, I was so excited that I hugged her in front of everyone. Can you imagine that? Hugging your mum in front of everyone including the students and teachers??? Not childish. Just excited. Hit my watch on the wall. Got scratch a little bit on the glass. Should I request for a new watch? Hehe... (Shoo!!! Shoo!!! Shoo!!! You evil side of me...)
Took photos for the Berita Harian's reporter. Of course it's not printed out on the paper for you-know-what reason). Took photos with Puan Habibah and Wei Quan. It was uploaded on the school website. Ok. I know. I looked so ugly. I was facing the brightly shining sun (or Yellow Face as Gollum called it) so I couldn't really open my eyes and smile properly. Besides, as you know, I am not photogenic at all. I always look ugly in photos. So, click the link at your own risk. NOT suitable for faint-hearted person. DON'T say I didn't warn you... Wei Quan looks nice though.
Now I'm in a dilemma. I'm applying for JPA scholarship. I chose accouting but Chia Siong said it's not worth it. I have to study 6 years for a normal certificate. He said it's better to go to private universitiy. Then I can take ACCA in 3 years time. I'm really interested in medicine but I can't perform surgery even the minor one. I'm more of a girl who is good in theory but not practical. Let's see... I got a perfect 100 for my grade 5 piano theory but I nearly failed my grade 3 piano practical (due to lack of practice and too nervous). I got 48 out of 50 for my undang test but I sucks at driving. Sigh... My dad wants to me take Science. He doesn't like it when he knew that I chose accounting. Then I thought of Pharmacy. I asked Chia Siong for opinion. He said it suits me but there's a problem. If I study overseas, the apparatus will be kind of hard for me to reach since the Europeans are tall. Her sister who is slightly taller than me also encounter that problem. I suggested high heels. Not too high. Maybe 2 or 3 inches but he said some universities don't allow it. Then he said: "But if you really want to take up Pharmacy, nothing can stop you!!!" Haha... What a nice friend I got here. I need to give an answer to my mum about the choice of course tomorrow or the day after. Aiyoh... I think I'll go for Pharmacy. Any advice for me???
Back to later that morning. My result was out yesterday (Wednesday). I was so nervous until I bit the tissue packet I was holding. I was so nervous until I didn't greet Nana with much enthusiasm even though I was very excited to see her. Kind of hate myself for that. Daniel teased me for having a tissue packet. Sabbie asked me to stop bitting the poor tissue packet. I must have looked like a fool... Can't really blame me. The waiting was horrible. Must wait for the principal to get back. Then, must wait for the teachers who went to the meeting room. Sigh... My heart was beating soooooo fast.
When my mom told me my result, I was so excited that I hugged her in front of everyone. Can you imagine that? Hugging your mum in front of everyone including the students and teachers??? Not childish. Just excited. Hit my watch on the wall. Got scratch a little bit on the glass. Should I request for a new watch? Hehe... (Shoo!!! Shoo!!! Shoo!!! You evil side of me...)
Took photos for the Berita Harian's reporter. Of course it's not printed out on the paper for you-know-what reason). Took photos with Puan Habibah and Wei Quan. It was uploaded on the school website. Ok. I know. I looked so ugly. I was facing the brightly shining sun (or Yellow Face as Gollum called it) so I couldn't really open my eyes and smile properly. Besides, as you know, I am not photogenic at all. I always look ugly in photos. So, click the link at your own risk. NOT suitable for faint-hearted person. DON'T say I didn't warn you... Wei Quan looks nice though.
Now I'm in a dilemma. I'm applying for JPA scholarship. I chose accouting but Chia Siong said it's not worth it. I have to study 6 years for a normal certificate. He said it's better to go to private universitiy. Then I can take ACCA in 3 years time. I'm really interested in medicine but I can't perform surgery even the minor one. I'm more of a girl who is good in theory but not practical. Let's see... I got a perfect 100 for my grade 5 piano theory but I nearly failed my grade 3 piano practical (due to lack of practice and too nervous). I got 48 out of 50 for my undang test but I sucks at driving. Sigh... My dad wants to me take Science. He doesn't like it when he knew that I chose accounting. Then I thought of Pharmacy. I asked Chia Siong for opinion. He said it suits me but there's a problem. If I study overseas, the apparatus will be kind of hard for me to reach since the Europeans are tall. Her sister who is slightly taller than me also encounter that problem. I suggested high heels. Not too high. Maybe 2 or 3 inches but he said some universities don't allow it. Then he said: "But if you really want to take up Pharmacy, nothing can stop you!!!" Haha... What a nice friend I got here. I need to give an answer to my mum about the choice of course tomorrow or the day after. Aiyoh... I think I'll go for Pharmacy. Any advice for me???
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Hopelessness...
Sabbie is right. Hopelessness is a very terrible feeling. I don't think I'm a very hopeless girl but some events in my life really make me feel like I'm hopeless.
I didn't want to cry. I'd never thought that I'd cry. I know I'm not strong but I was pretty sure that I'd not cry. I was wrong. Very wrong. After a few words, I couldn't stop crying already. I don't want to give up. I want to prove to myself that I can do it but it's just hard. I tried my best already. I swear that I did. Why can't you see it? I wasn't scared nor nervous but somehow, I just couldn't manage it. Who says I don't care about the money? I care. I do.
Right now, I really feel like a child with dyslexia. People get frustated with them, angry with them, saying that they didn't try hard to learn... It's not their fault. Never their fault. I don't know whether all these are my fault or not but I really did try hard. Everyone knows that I'm a serious learner. Do you really think that I don't feel guilty and am not disappointed with my performance?
I don't know what to do. I just want to find a place and cry out loud when the disappoinment and hopelesseness hit me...
I didn't want to cry. I'd never thought that I'd cry. I know I'm not strong but I was pretty sure that I'd not cry. I was wrong. Very wrong. After a few words, I couldn't stop crying already. I don't want to give up. I want to prove to myself that I can do it but it's just hard. I tried my best already. I swear that I did. Why can't you see it? I wasn't scared nor nervous but somehow, I just couldn't manage it. Who says I don't care about the money? I care. I do.
Right now, I really feel like a child with dyslexia. People get frustated with them, angry with them, saying that they didn't try hard to learn... It's not their fault. Never their fault. I don't know whether all these are my fault or not but I really did try hard. Everyone knows that I'm a serious learner. Do you really think that I don't feel guilty and am not disappointed with my performance?
I don't know what to do. I just want to find a place and cry out loud when the disappoinment and hopelesseness hit me...
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
A Few Hours Ahead...
After 7 hours and 39 minutes, I'll be in the car with my instructor and hoping that I manage to go through the 2 hours-drive smoothly. After about 11 hours and 7 minutes, I'll be in school hopefully and with the result slip on my hand. I had a plan to escape from everyone. Will it work? My mom thinks I'm just joking. But I really want to do so. One thing I know for sure. I tried my best. Although there were some stupid mistakes *bang my head*, but I did try my best. I did... I honestly did... I hope I don't screw up. I really hope so. Really... *holding back the tears*
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Tough Weak Ahead...
Arrrggghhh... It was a usual evening. Just like almost every evening. Then it had to happen. Arrrggghhh... Why??? *deep breath* My aunt who is staying next to my house came to our window and started talking. Didn't really pay attention. Then I caught my parent's reaction. Alamak... Must be bad news. Guess what happened to her next-door neighbour (which is only 2 houses away from mine)??? My biggest fear of all appeared in their house early this morning!!! And not just the normal one, it's one of the biggest, deadliest and scariest of all!!! *scream* Honestly, I screamed. I did. Why must this happened in my neighrbourhood??? I hate it when I am scared to touch the floor. I hate it when I have to pray before I switch on the light and look around just to make sure my-biggest-fear-of-all is not there. I hate it when I have to constantly check the floor to make sure that my-biggest-fear-of-all doesn't show up suddenly. I hate all these!!! Everytime I hear dogs' barking, I'll be thinking: Don't tell me they spotted it. Please don't... Now, my father even closes the door just to make sure that my-biggest-fear-of-all doesn't target my house and come in. Want to know how scared I am with the my-biggest-fear-of-all? I remember once when I was outside of my house. It was kind of dark so I couldn't really see things properly. Then I saw something on the floor. It looked something like my-biggest-fear-of-all but smaller. I frozed on the spot immediately. I couldn't move. It was so close to me. I tried my best to move and run but I couldn't. I wanted to scream for my parents but I just couldn't open my mouth. After a long long long time, I got back my tinnie bit of courage. I crossed the thing. Then I realised, it was only a paper. =.=" Sigh... When will I walk around my house and the neighbourhood without any fear? I don't know. Sigh...
My next driving lesson is on Tuesday. Sigh... Why can't I be as good as Chia Siong? He's good in almost everything. Me??? Limited. Sigh... The last time I was there, my driving instructor shook her head. She was really frustated with me. She said I'm too dependent. But I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want to be like that. It's just that sometimes I'll forget what to do. It's not like I purposely want to forget. Sometimes, I wanted to do something but I was worried that she'll scold me. Then, she scolded me for not doing. Aiyoh... Why couldn't I just do it when it crossed my mind??? Sigh... I don't know whether I can pay full attention or not next Tuesday. Why? Continue reading.
Next Wednesday, my result is coming out!!! Arrrggghhh... Sigh... After 3 months of doing nothing, worring nothing, busy goyang my kaki while reading, I'm extremely nervous. You'll see me shaking when I'm taking my result. I did some stupid mistakes and BIG mistakes. I'm still hoping for straight As. My mom kept telling me how nice is it if I can study in US, Australia, New Zealand, Korea... Then she'll say: 'What if you can't get any offer? Then, you really have to settle with Form 6. Nono, you can't stay in Tampin. TBS has no good Bio teacher. How about Malacca High School??? Oh, wait. Where are you going to stay? How about studying in Kajang High School aka my former school and stay with your aunt or uncle?' I want good result!!! Naveen got 10 A1s. I want also...
Let's just hope that I survive through this week. SIGH...
My next driving lesson is on Tuesday. Sigh... Why can't I be as good as Chia Siong? He's good in almost everything. Me??? Limited. Sigh... The last time I was there, my driving instructor shook her head. She was really frustated with me. She said I'm too dependent. But I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want to be like that. It's just that sometimes I'll forget what to do. It's not like I purposely want to forget. Sometimes, I wanted to do something but I was worried that she'll scold me. Then, she scolded me for not doing. Aiyoh... Why couldn't I just do it when it crossed my mind??? Sigh... I don't know whether I can pay full attention or not next Tuesday. Why? Continue reading.
Next Wednesday, my result is coming out!!! Arrrggghhh... Sigh... After 3 months of doing nothing, worring nothing, busy goyang my kaki while reading, I'm extremely nervous. You'll see me shaking when I'm taking my result. I did some stupid mistakes and BIG mistakes. I'm still hoping for straight As. My mom kept telling me how nice is it if I can study in US, Australia, New Zealand, Korea... Then she'll say: 'What if you can't get any offer? Then, you really have to settle with Form 6. Nono, you can't stay in Tampin. TBS has no good Bio teacher. How about Malacca High School??? Oh, wait. Where are you going to stay? How about studying in Kajang High School aka my former school and stay with your aunt or uncle?' I want good result!!! Naveen got 10 A1s. I want also...
Let's just hope that I survive through this week. SIGH...
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Relationship...
Everyone seems to be pairing up. He and she, he and she, he and she... Will I be the next one??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Don't even expect that.
When I was young, I had been taught that getting a boyfriend during school time is bad. Very very BAD... Even after my SPM, my mum gave me a talk on boyfriend. She was counting how many years will I take to finish my studies from college to university and reminded me that it's better not to get into any relationship before I finish my studies. Feeling awkward, I quickly finished my chores and ran to the study room before I was expected to say anything.
Honestly, I'd never really thought about getting into a relationship. There's always something more important than that especially my study. Besides, it's not like anyone is interested with me. Unlike my sister, I'm not beautiful, slim... She is always the center of attention and praises but I'm always the center of troubles and hatred. I still remember I told A something and later on A told almost everyone. A also mentioned that he/she found out from me. Guess what??? Everyone told B (the person involved) that I was the one who spread the news. After B confronted me and I found out about what A did, I was at the brink of crying. I was lying down on my bed, punching my bed and trying to control my tears. I didn't want my mom or my sister to notice that I was crying. I'm not angry with A because he/she was shocked with the news I told him and wanted to tell the others about it. I don't know whether I should call it a secret or not. Those who know about the news told me that it's not. I'm not trying to blame A. What I really don't understand is why me??? Why told B that it was me who spread the news??? You didn't hear it from me. Almost everyone knows that I'm not close with most of them so is it possible that I'll go to them and tell them about it??? It's very ridiculous and it really breaks my heart to know how much they hate me and want me to get into trouble. B is my friend and I'd always and still think that he/she is one of my cutest friend. I don't know what B thinks of me now. I did clarify to B but still... I'm not blaming A. A is still one of my friends that I'm proud to have. If I'm asked to list down all my precious things, friendship will be one of the first few. *deeb breath*...
Now you know that I'm always the center of troubles, I'll just get back to my topic. I still remember the time when I almost got into a relationship. I rejected him by saying that I need to concentrate on my studies and he seemed to understand. After that, he was very nice to me. Thinking of this still makes me smile. "After that, he was very nice to me." Okok, this line is quite confusing. Why after that??? Let's just say that both of us seldom talked. Although we had been classmates for many years but I wasn't really close with him. Then, when I started to use messenger, we started chating. Thanks to streamyx, we online almost everyday. That time, I'd always switch on the computer for music so that I'd not fall asleep when I was studying for my PMR. I studied and chatted with him at the same time. After that, we were very close but we seldom talked. We just chat. After what happened, I started to talk to him. He did seem a little shy at that time. I still remember I offered him some biscuits and he only took a tinnie little bit. I told him not to tell anyone about the confession and rejection. It was very hard for him since he had and still has a lot of friends but I really didn't want anyone to know. He understood. After a couple of weeks, everyone found out about our relationship. I didn't know how. He got angry with me. He thought that I was the one who told everyone. Later on, he told me (or is it somebode else) that he really tried his best not to tell anyone about us because he knew that it was what I want. Then how could I break the promise and spread around the news. Hey... I was the one who told you not to tell everyone, wasn't I??? Why would I go and tell everyone??? I really didn't tell anyone. I really didn't... He really hates me now and after what happened, life had been very miserable for me. I don't want to mention here what he did to me but it wasn't just bad. It was HORRIBLE. He still thinks that I deserve all of these. Oh... Remember I mentioned about being the center of troubles and hatred? Still think that I'm exaggerating? Then read this. I remember about a few weeks after the incident, C told me that D mentioned that I was the one who told him/her about my relationship with the guy. When we were talking, D's friend, E was beside us at that time. I was confused by that time and I told C that I wasn't close with D. Why would I tell D about this? It didn't make any sense at all!!! While I was stressing my point with C, I saw E went to D. One of my friend, F was beside D. I saw them talking and I knew immediately that I was in BIG trouble. Later, F came to C and I and asked us what we were talking. F told us that E told him/her that we were criticizing him/her. WHAT!!! Can you see how people twist around that truth and get me into trouble??? Sigh... I don't know what to say. I really really feel like a gigantic troubles-and-hatred-attracting magnet. There's something that I wish to keep it to myself but I still remember after telling my sister everything, she told me that she could see a connection and plot going on. She didn't need to mention this. I saw it but I refused to believe it. I still don't want to believe this. No no, things like this only happened in tv not real life. No NO...
*Taking a deep breath again* Well, I'll just continue. I remember a good friend of mine asked me about relationship. I told him that I want to concentrate on my study. Besides, it's not like anyone is interested with a girl like me. I still remember what he told me after that. He said that I am beautiful in my own way and the guy who sees this in me, woah, he is definitely a great one. Should I or shouln't I take that as a compliment? Haha... It's still very sweet of him to say this. Will I ever find that guy? I don't know. Only God knows. I'm just following His plan for me. Even if I remain single for the rest of my life, I will not fret as this is God's will. It won't be that bad. I can always adopt a dog and a cat to accompany me. If I train them well and love them with all my heart, I'm sure they'll remain faithful and love me too. I know they won't break my heart. I know I can trust them since I still find it hard to trust anyone. They will definitely be a good company and friends.
What will happen to me in the next 10 years? I don't know. Will I be in a relationship in the next 10 years??? I have no idea. I just hope everything will be ok. About this topic, I can't say much. I'll just leave it to God. Yes or no, I won't be disappointed. At least I know that I'll always be with Him.
Just to wrap things up, I'll share with you something that I read from Reader's Digest. 'Opposite attracts, then they attack!' Hehe... This is so catchy and funny.
P.S. I'll try something new tomorrow. There's a high chance that I may fail but at least I tried, right??? If it turns out to be nice, I'll tell you guys about it. Ciao :)
When I was young, I had been taught that getting a boyfriend during school time is bad. Very very BAD... Even after my SPM, my mum gave me a talk on boyfriend. She was counting how many years will I take to finish my studies from college to university and reminded me that it's better not to get into any relationship before I finish my studies. Feeling awkward, I quickly finished my chores and ran to the study room before I was expected to say anything.
Honestly, I'd never really thought about getting into a relationship. There's always something more important than that especially my study. Besides, it's not like anyone is interested with me. Unlike my sister, I'm not beautiful, slim... She is always the center of attention and praises but I'm always the center of troubles and hatred. I still remember I told A something and later on A told almost everyone. A also mentioned that he/she found out from me. Guess what??? Everyone told B (the person involved) that I was the one who spread the news. After B confronted me and I found out about what A did, I was at the brink of crying. I was lying down on my bed, punching my bed and trying to control my tears. I didn't want my mom or my sister to notice that I was crying. I'm not angry with A because he/she was shocked with the news I told him and wanted to tell the others about it. I don't know whether I should call it a secret or not. Those who know about the news told me that it's not. I'm not trying to blame A. What I really don't understand is why me??? Why told B that it was me who spread the news??? You didn't hear it from me. Almost everyone knows that I'm not close with most of them so is it possible that I'll go to them and tell them about it??? It's very ridiculous and it really breaks my heart to know how much they hate me and want me to get into trouble. B is my friend and I'd always and still think that he/she is one of my cutest friend. I don't know what B thinks of me now. I did clarify to B but still... I'm not blaming A. A is still one of my friends that I'm proud to have. If I'm asked to list down all my precious things, friendship will be one of the first few. *deeb breath*...
Now you know that I'm always the center of troubles, I'll just get back to my topic. I still remember the time when I almost got into a relationship. I rejected him by saying that I need to concentrate on my studies and he seemed to understand. After that, he was very nice to me. Thinking of this still makes me smile. "After that, he was very nice to me." Okok, this line is quite confusing. Why after that??? Let's just say that both of us seldom talked. Although we had been classmates for many years but I wasn't really close with him. Then, when I started to use messenger, we started chating. Thanks to streamyx, we online almost everyday. That time, I'd always switch on the computer for music so that I'd not fall asleep when I was studying for my PMR. I studied and chatted with him at the same time. After that, we were very close but we seldom talked. We just chat. After what happened, I started to talk to him. He did seem a little shy at that time. I still remember I offered him some biscuits and he only took a tinnie little bit. I told him not to tell anyone about the confession and rejection. It was very hard for him since he had and still has a lot of friends but I really didn't want anyone to know. He understood. After a couple of weeks, everyone found out about our relationship. I didn't know how. He got angry with me. He thought that I was the one who told everyone. Later on, he told me (or is it somebode else) that he really tried his best not to tell anyone about us because he knew that it was what I want. Then how could I break the promise and spread around the news. Hey... I was the one who told you not to tell everyone, wasn't I??? Why would I go and tell everyone??? I really didn't tell anyone. I really didn't... He really hates me now and after what happened, life had been very miserable for me. I don't want to mention here what he did to me but it wasn't just bad. It was HORRIBLE. He still thinks that I deserve all of these. Oh... Remember I mentioned about being the center of troubles and hatred? Still think that I'm exaggerating? Then read this. I remember about a few weeks after the incident, C told me that D mentioned that I was the one who told him/her about my relationship with the guy. When we were talking, D's friend, E was beside us at that time. I was confused by that time and I told C that I wasn't close with D. Why would I tell D about this? It didn't make any sense at all!!! While I was stressing my point with C, I saw E went to D. One of my friend, F was beside D. I saw them talking and I knew immediately that I was in BIG trouble. Later, F came to C and I and asked us what we were talking. F told us that E told him/her that we were criticizing him/her. WHAT!!! Can you see how people twist around that truth and get me into trouble??? Sigh... I don't know what to say. I really really feel like a gigantic troubles-and-hatred-attracting magnet. There's something that I wish to keep it to myself but I still remember after telling my sister everything, she told me that she could see a connection and plot going on. She didn't need to mention this. I saw it but I refused to believe it. I still don't want to believe this. No no, things like this only happened in tv not real life. No NO...
*Taking a deep breath again* Well, I'll just continue. I remember a good friend of mine asked me about relationship. I told him that I want to concentrate on my study. Besides, it's not like anyone is interested with a girl like me. I still remember what he told me after that. He said that I am beautiful in my own way and the guy who sees this in me, woah, he is definitely a great one. Should I or shouln't I take that as a compliment? Haha... It's still very sweet of him to say this. Will I ever find that guy? I don't know. Only God knows. I'm just following His plan for me. Even if I remain single for the rest of my life, I will not fret as this is God's will. It won't be that bad. I can always adopt a dog and a cat to accompany me. If I train them well and love them with all my heart, I'm sure they'll remain faithful and love me too. I know they won't break my heart. I know I can trust them since I still find it hard to trust anyone. They will definitely be a good company and friends.
What will happen to me in the next 10 years? I don't know. Will I be in a relationship in the next 10 years??? I have no idea. I just hope everything will be ok. About this topic, I can't say much. I'll just leave it to God. Yes or no, I won't be disappointed. At least I know that I'll always be with Him.
Just to wrap things up, I'll share with you something that I read from Reader's Digest. 'Opposite attracts, then they attack!' Hehe... This is so catchy and funny.
P.S. I'll try something new tomorrow. There's a high chance that I may fail but at least I tried, right??? If it turns out to be nice, I'll tell you guys about it. Ciao :)
Monday, March 3, 2008
Dreams...
I'd always love my dreams and compared to some of my friends, I seem to remember parts of my dream. Most of the times, they are sweet and even if I don't remember my dreams, I will still wake up with a smile on my face. Then, I know that I had been dreaming and it was a sweet one.
Since young, I'd always thought that everyone will dream almost every night and they do remember bits of their dream. But after talking with Michelle, Sabbie and Nana, I realise that they are different from me. I still remember that Michelle seldom dreams and if she does, she'll dream about not finishing her homework and panicking. For me, my dreams will always have a guy. (Haha...) Are they the same guy??? I have absolutely no idea. I'm bad at describing faces. Peopla I know will be in my dreams too.
I seldom have nightmares. I still remember the one I had when I was very young. I was walking down the stairs of my house. The living room was very dark. I couldn't see anything but I could sense that there were things near the stairs and were waiting to grab me. I walked down slowly and I was scared. I think I woke up after that since I have no memories of what happened next. I didn't have anymore nightmares after that.
Last year, I started to have dreams of A pushing me, hitting me, kicking me... I think this dreams happened because I kept thinking about that for a few months. Everytime I closed my eyes even for a short while, I'd have images of A hitting me. Everyone just looked at A hitting me and nobody tried to stop him even my friends. I was very scared at that time. I only stopped having those images after weeks not seeing A and some of my classmates. After that, it was almost all sweet dreams. Even if there are some not-so-good dreams but they do not bother me much and I don't really remember them.
This afternoon, I dreamt about B (better not to reveal his/her name). If I'm not mistaken, B was send to somewhere nice so in order to congratulate B, I asked B over with some of our friends. Suddenly, B was choking. I tried to save B but I didn't know what to do. Then, it was too late... It's just a dream but somehow, I couldn't stop thinking about the dream after I woke up even until now. I swear I'd never thought of B's death and I have an uneasy feeling since I'd never have dreams on death.
Some people say that dreams is a way that *cough* communicate with you. Haha... I don't believe this. Never did and still don't. I'm really really making a fuss out of a dream. I'm praying that B is doing ok. Hope to get in touch of B soon...
Since young, I'd always thought that everyone will dream almost every night and they do remember bits of their dream. But after talking with Michelle, Sabbie and Nana, I realise that they are different from me. I still remember that Michelle seldom dreams and if she does, she'll dream about not finishing her homework and panicking. For me, my dreams will always have a guy. (Haha...) Are they the same guy??? I have absolutely no idea. I'm bad at describing faces. Peopla I know will be in my dreams too.
I seldom have nightmares. I still remember the one I had when I was very young. I was walking down the stairs of my house. The living room was very dark. I couldn't see anything but I could sense that there were things near the stairs and were waiting to grab me. I walked down slowly and I was scared. I think I woke up after that since I have no memories of what happened next. I didn't have anymore nightmares after that.
Last year, I started to have dreams of A pushing me, hitting me, kicking me... I think this dreams happened because I kept thinking about that for a few months. Everytime I closed my eyes even for a short while, I'd have images of A hitting me. Everyone just looked at A hitting me and nobody tried to stop him even my friends. I was very scared at that time. I only stopped having those images after weeks not seeing A and some of my classmates. After that, it was almost all sweet dreams. Even if there are some not-so-good dreams but they do not bother me much and I don't really remember them.
This afternoon, I dreamt about B (better not to reveal his/her name). If I'm not mistaken, B was send to somewhere nice so in order to congratulate B, I asked B over with some of our friends. Suddenly, B was choking. I tried to save B but I didn't know what to do. Then, it was too late... It's just a dream but somehow, I couldn't stop thinking about the dream after I woke up even until now. I swear I'd never thought of B's death and I have an uneasy feeling since I'd never have dreams on death.
Some people say that dreams is a way that *cough* communicate with you. Haha... I don't believe this. Never did and still don't. I'm really really making a fuss out of a dream. I'm praying that B is doing ok. Hope to get in touch of B soon...
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