Hypocrisy....

Was reading Browse for my Surgical posting and I came across this statement: "Never be censorious about this facet of human nature-you do not know how you would react in similar circumstances."

I remember once I clerked a patient and when she knew that she had to go for dialysis, she became very upset. I did try to comfort her but I didn't know how to. She straight away told me off by saying that:"You're not the one who is going through this, you'll never know how it feels like." After that, I tried to encourage her a while then gave her some time alone.

It's true, I can try to place myself in your shoes but I'll never truly understand how does it feel like unless there's a day when I have to wear that pair of shoes.

I feel bad though. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. There's a patient that I would always avoid when he's around. He's a frequent patient in this hospital. He complains of chest pain and he'll do ECG as many time as possible until he gets admitted. Somehow, I caught his attention and he is always teasing me when he sees me. Sometimes, I do get a long lecture from him on how he has no mental problem but he's really in pain. He's frustrated for being labelled as a PSY patient and I'm frustrated for he'll never stop being around me whenever I clerk patients. However, do I have the right to criticise him? I don't even know him well and his background story. He made me feel like a big hypocrite by saying that we should be nice to patient but because of him, I'm learning not to complain about patients.

Don't complain. Don't criticise. I'll never know how I would react when I'm faced with similar problems as these patients.

Another lesson learnt. Thank God for everything that I have now :)

林宥嘉-傻子


第一次听到这首歌时，就已被词曲感动了。虽然这首歌有官方版的mv,但我还是喜欢宥嘉在现场诠释时为这首歌带出的感动与稍微沧桑的感觉。

The 'Sensitive' Issue...

Yesterday was not a very good day. Ended the day with frustration and mood-less. Hmmm...

Expressed my thoughts and opinions yesterday and because of that, my parents prepared a long lecture for me which I managed to escape thanks to the bad coverage. I was quite frustrated as I was being shoot down for expressing what I thought but I can't really blame them since the issue is a 'sensitive' one and they really don't want to see me getting into trouble.

Evil politic. It has always been something that you can scream in your heart but you're not able to say it out freely. If you have the guts, then you're bound to get into trouble. With many things going on in the country right now, I really hope people will stop being blinded by money and greed and place themselves in the 'rakyat' shoes and think of what the 'rakyat' really want and need. But as always, people like me who is currently a student in public university and with parents who are government servants, we are expected to be loyal and kowtow to everything... (Yeah, right, we're not as naive as you think we are). Really admire those who really can stand up and speak sensibly even knowing the risks. But how many of them are truly speaking up with no other agendas in their heart? At time like this, I just wish I have a way to read people's mind. But now, we can only based on our own judgement and try to differentiate the rights and the wrongs.

Met a patient this morning. He's a Chinese gentleman in his 70s who uses terms and phrases that people like me who grew up reading English papers can't understand. Had to ask him to explain in simpler terms :P He told us that he's angry and frustrated with what's going in the country right now. He said that he's not afraid to fight and speak up as he's already old. Nobody can do anything to him now. He stressed that he's not doing this for his own good as time is limited to him already. His concern is the young generations like us. We're the ones who suffer in case of bad policies and wrong management and he does not want that to happen. Really touched by what he said and really thankful to him for letting us examine him :) It's not easy for patients to show us their private parts especially people with scrotal swelling and also those with breast cancer. However, these patients told us that they do not mind as we're future doctors and their only wish is that we'll learn everything that we can learn by examining them and later, become a good doctor :)

I will try my best :) I know I may look short and childish and people may not have confident with me but I must prove to people and myself that I can be as good as the tall ones and matured-looking people. Appearance is nothing. It's the heart and thoughts that count.

Hopefully I can make it through. Thank God for everything that I have now :)

最近很喜欢这两首歌...

严爵-又不是这样就不孤独


"有爱又有什么用处，又不是这样就不孤独."
"What's the point of having love, it doesn't mean that you'll never ever feel lonely."
True true. Totally agree with this line.

周杰伦-烟花易冷


好中国风的一首歌， mv很可怜. Sigh...

Believing and Committing...

"主啊，
您平静风和海，
您掌管万有。
主啊，
我总期盼，
每次患难临头的时候，
希望能够完全的信靠您，
但很多时候，
我还是个小信的人。
主啊，
我信，
但我信不足。
就求您领我，
渐渐脱离惶惶不安，
稚嫩的小信，
变为成熟的大人。"

"Dear Lord,
You calm down wind and waves,
You are in control of everything.
Dear Lord,
I always hope,
Every time I'm faced with obstacles,
I will commit everything into Your hand,
But a lot of time,
I'm still a person with little faith.
I do believe in You,
But my belief is not sufficient.
I pray that You will guide me,
Slowly cast out all the insecurities
and the naive little faith in me
and help me grow into a mature adult."

Heard this prayer in a video and I'm touched.

This exam has taken a toll on me and I'm almost at the edge of craziness. Went to church on Sunday morning and I felt guilty. Guilty of myself for not believing in Him and for not committing everything into Him. After the service, I felt much more in peace.

Thank God for everything :) I know You have a plan for me and now, I'll stop worrying so much and let You guide me through my subsequent steps. Thank You for always being there for me.

Thank You so much :)

Courage...

Read this in Chicken Soup for the Soul in Chinese version:

"也许有一天，
我们的生命会遭受暴风雨的袭击；
也许有一天，
面对磨难，
我们脸上的笑容不再灿烂。
但是，
只要信念仍在，
生命就不会衰弱，
希望也不会暗淡无光."

Recently, I'd been feeling very down. Most of it is disappointment. Disappointed with myself. I guess I haven't been giving my best, haven't been doing my best and haven't been performing my best.

1 more week to go. I'm not going to be disheartened. I'm still enjoying what I'm doing so I'm prepared to take up the stress. Gathering all the courage that I have now.

All the best to myself and everyone :)

田馥甄-还是要幸福


在读着同一本书时，看到了这一句话，让我联想起这首歌：

"在爱开始的时候
人们认为
那是世界上最美好的事情，
但爱结束的时候
人们觉得
曾经的爱是沉重的。
其是沉重的不是爱情，
而是因爱产生的太多的愿望。
我们应该学会投入的爱，
就算失去了爱
也要对曾经给你爱情的人
保有感激的心
而不是憎恨和烦恼。"

I have no idea what had happened that time. I don't know why you said you like me and suddenly you hated me so much. I have to admit that I had never have any special feelings towards you but during that time, you really were a good friend of mine. I guess that was the first time some one really cared for me although I was at a very awkward state. I'm glad that you don't hate me now. I really hope that one day, we'll have a chance to sit down and talk over a coffee of juice or whatever. I'll never be angry of you though that time was a total nightmare to me. Thanks for the friendship that we once had. Thanks for the fall that make me even stronger and mature than before. Sorry if I had hurt you. I was still young and naive. Like the song title, I hope you'll find your own happiness :)