I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say. Honestly speaking, I'm not that kind of person who gets angry or frustrated easily. No matter what happen, I'll just take it lightly and go along with it.
These few days had been crazy. With Christmas drama and dance, dance practice and the coming project meeting, I didn't spend much time in the room. It's busy especially when Christmas night is less than 24 hours away but it makes me happy. I may not be an expert in drama and dance but I do enjoy them. Seeing everything falling into places even if we didn't have much time for practice, it makes me even more thankful to God :)
We just had our intensive dance practice on top of our weekly practice last weekend. Needless to say, my legs were confused and I still couldn't really get all the steps. And now, I'm stuck with painful thigh muscles. The pain worsen every time I walk or using the stairs (God knows how many flights of stairs I have to use from my block to faculty.) But I'm truly enjoying myself. I know I'll manage to get the dance steps if I continue the practice. Pain is part of a parcel of dancing and enduring pain is not something that is so difficult to do. The dance may not be easy and I know there'll be intensive sessions soon but I'm more than willing to embrace them.
The final thing on my list-project meeting. I've always been interested in campaigns or any projects which involve health promotion for I really feel like I can contribute to the society with the knowledge that I have. The moment I knew there's empty space in the project, I jumped into it. But now, everything is going haywire and the guilt is haunting me day after day and with the meeting coming soon, I don't know how to laugh anymore. And to my own surprise, I threw a minor tantrum in the room just now when I thought of the coming meeting. I was really frustrated and I have no clue on what to do. It's my responsibility but it's really beyond my ability. Now, I feel like a burden to the whole project and everybody has the result and I'm still stuck at the starting point. It may be something easy but it's not what I can do and what I'm interested. I'd never thought my job scope will include this when I first put up my hand. Should I give up and step down? I just don't know. If I really cannot do this, why don't I just pass it to somebody who can manage this well? It'll be better for everyone but the guilt is haunting me. I really don't want to hurt the rest and myself too. Just pray that God will guide me through this. I really need the strength to go through this. Just pray that I'll make a wise decision soon.
Really pray that God will bless the Christmas Night tomorrow too. Time may not be on our side but I know that You'll be by our side, watching after us. Just pray that our message will come across to others and touch everyone's heart :)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Touched :)
Watched this and I was touched by what he did and still doing. Love is indeed a powerful thing. Though it had been misused for some wrong reasons (eg committing suicide), it had pushed people to do something amazing. Why are we desperately searching for a superhero when everyone can be one if one will just show his/her love and lend a helping hand?
While watching this, I was reminded of my ward round with Prof Goh on Wednesday. Since we were doing the GIT system, he brought us to see a few patients who are suffering from liver-related diseases. He started off by demonstrating abdominal examination on the first patient. He told us that in order to perform the examination, the best position is to sit on a chair. If there's no chair or a modern bed where you can lift up the bed, you kneel. Then he dropped to his knees besides the patient's bed and started the examination. Till now, I still can't erase that image out of my mind. I still remember the first time I saw his title (Prof. Dato' Dr), we were like 'wow' and of course, we somehow thought that with a title like this, he's going to be a malignant one. But thank God, it's quite the opposite. And seeing him in that position besides a patient who has no relation whatsoever to him, my mind drifted to the ROSE (Reaching Out to Students through English) training programme. One of the speaker stressed that this programme is all about love and when he asked me THE question on why I chose medic, I answered: Because this is a noble profession. And on that Wednesday morning, I was shown on how truly noble is the job. It may not be something extravaganza but sometimes, it's the little act that touches people's heart more than ever. I'll definitely work hard towards my dream of becoming a good doctor and pray that God will guide me through this journey too :)
重蹈覆辙. 1 saying, 4 characters, yet it threatened to open up the wound that I forcefully sutured up.
While watching this, I was reminded of my ward round with Prof Goh on Wednesday. Since we were doing the GIT system, he brought us to see a few patients who are suffering from liver-related diseases. He started off by demonstrating abdominal examination on the first patient. He told us that in order to perform the examination, the best position is to sit on a chair. If there's no chair or a modern bed where you can lift up the bed, you kneel. Then he dropped to his knees besides the patient's bed and started the examination. Till now, I still can't erase that image out of my mind. I still remember the first time I saw his title (Prof. Dato' Dr), we were like 'wow' and of course, we somehow thought that with a title like this, he's going to be a malignant one. But thank God, it's quite the opposite. And seeing him in that position besides a patient who has no relation whatsoever to him, my mind drifted to the ROSE (Reaching Out to Students through English) training programme. One of the speaker stressed that this programme is all about love and when he asked me THE question on why I chose medic, I answered: Because this is a noble profession. And on that Wednesday morning, I was shown on how truly noble is the job. It may not be something extravaganza but sometimes, it's the little act that touches people's heart more than ever. I'll definitely work hard towards my dream of becoming a good doctor and pray that God will guide me through this journey too :)
重蹈覆辙. 1 saying, 4 characters, yet it threatened to open up the wound that I forcefully sutured up.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thanks :)
Thank You, Lord :)
Thank You so much for everything. It may not be much but I am equally thankful. I know that if it isn't for You, things will be even horrible. Just pray that as I'm starting another hectic chapter in my second year, You'll still be my side. I can foresee busy months with late-night practices and all but I will not fret nor complain for I know that You'll not abandon me.
I promise that I'll work even harder. I'll learn from the mistakes and improve myself. Just pray that You'll guide and lead me too.
Thank You, Lord. I don't know what I'd done to deserve a love like Yours but I am thankful :)
P.S: Thanks also for the very understanding friends and roomie :)
It's not easy when both your parents are teachers. I had tried but somehow it's just difficult to let my mum understand that medical school is really different from secondary school. Last time, everything seemed to be easy and getting anything less than A was bad. But now, things are different yet I fail to let them see the difference. Can I just forget the comments that you said? :(
Thank You so much for everything. It may not be much but I am equally thankful. I know that if it isn't for You, things will be even horrible. Just pray that as I'm starting another hectic chapter in my second year, You'll still be my side. I can foresee busy months with late-night practices and all but I will not fret nor complain for I know that You'll not abandon me.
I promise that I'll work even harder. I'll learn from the mistakes and improve myself. Just pray that You'll guide and lead me too.
Thank You, Lord. I don't know what I'd done to deserve a love like Yours but I am thankful :)
P.S: Thanks also for the very understanding friends and roomie :)
It's not easy when both your parents are teachers. I had tried but somehow it's just difficult to let my mum understand that medical school is really different from secondary school. Last time, everything seemed to be easy and getting anything less than A was bad. But now, things are different yet I fail to let them see the difference. Can I just forget the comments that you said? :(
Monday, December 6, 2010
Pictures :)
"A picture is worth a thousand words." That was what Prof. Goh told us last week when he brought us to see the doctors performing endoscopy and colonoscopy. It's great to have him as our professor for medicine round :) And I really agree with him when he said that our aim in medical school is not just to pass our exam, it's about learning as much as we can to be a good doctor and make our parents proud of us. I may not be the smartest one and I admit that though I may had read the pages 3 or 4 times, I still find it hard to remember every single thing. But I still want to try my best. All I want to be is a good doctor and even if it means no holiday, no rest and no leisure, I still want to go for it. I'm really thankful to God that I have the chance to be in the seat where tons of students fought for and still fight for every year :) Just pray that I'll have the strength and the wisdom to go through the remaining 4 years in medical school :)
The bear that I got :)
The lovely card :) Really miss playing the piano...
The warm wishes :)
The little present that the 'us' in cg gave me :)
Picture time!!!
The bear that I got :)
The lovely card :) Really miss playing the piano...
The warm wishes :)
The little present that the 'us' in cg gave me :)
Something special from my 'twin' :)
Another trip to the bookshop!!! This time I only got 5 books. Must save money :P
One of Baby Blues comic and a snowman book mark that I got for Michelle for her Christmas gift :)
2 candy each for Michelle's sister, Catherine and Melissa :)
The lovely book thong that I got after renewing my membership card. Can't believe I'd been buying books from Bookxcess for 3 years. And I'll still continue to go there to get all my books :D
Since tomorrow is a holiday, I'm going to spend the whole night reading :) Once lectures start to get busy, I'll definitely miss this time when I can lay back and enjoy my novel. Well, it's one sacrifice that I'm willing to make :)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
First post of a 20-year-old :)
Well, finally, I'm 20. All these while, I'd been telling people that I'm 19 and now that 2nd December had passed, I guess I have to admit that I'm 20.
All these years, my birthdays were always during the school holiday and I only celebrated with my family. This year, it's really my first time having friends secretly planning my birthday and throwing me a surprise and having people besides my family singing birthday song to me. It may not be extravaganza but I'm really thankful and touched.
Thanks for the lovely meal at Pasta Zanmai. Though at the end, I had to force myself to swallow down the plate of pasta, it was undeniably a nice meal :)
Thanks for the walk and all the photos we took around Mid Valley with the warm and adorable Christmas decorations. Though I was tired and couldn't stop yawning, it was nice to have you girls around :)
Thanks for the birthday songs and the surprise at 12.00 am. Though the smell of whipping cream haunted me for a day, it was touching to know that you girls remembered my birthday and took the trouble to celebrate with me :)
Thanks for the adorable bow-tie bear and the card by Han Jun, Chu Yee, Cheng Nee, Aileen, Winnie and Choon Fong. Though it was not easy to buy a bear and hide it in the bag while walking around Mid Valley with me, it was my first time receiving a bear and I can't seem to take my eyes off it :)
Thanks for the birthday songs during lecture. Though it was a little bit awkward with people looking at me and singing to me, it truly made my day :)
Thanks for the birthday song and the birthday present from the 'us' of the cg group. Though I don't know who exactly are the 'us', it's really a blessing to know you guys and I pray that we'll all grow stronger in God :)
Thanks for the lovely dinner by my parents who came all the way here just to celebrate my birthday. Though there wasn't any cake like previous years, the meal was nice and warm and I'm really thankful to have a family like this :)
Thanks for all the wishes via sms, facebook and face-to-face. Though I had to reply 100 ++ wishes on facebook, I was smiling while doing so :)
Thankfully, the final is over. It was really my first time spending my study week at home, skipping the ward round during the study week (and I still feel guilty) and crying a lot (without my parents presence, of course). Result is coming out soon and the thought of it is sufficient to make me go nuts. I wished I'd done better but I know I cannot turn back the clock so I'd been pushing it to the back of my mind. Just pray that everything will turn out to be alright. No matter what happen, I will continue to praise Your name, dear Lord :)
At the bright side, I finally have some time to indulge myself in novel-reading. I told myself I'll stop after the 3rd one. Then I continued to the 4th one and told myself the same thing. And now, I'm reading the 5th one. Sigh... Can't believe that what was a pleasure to me has become a guilty pleasure ever since I became a medical student. But it's nice to escape to another world when I feel bored and lazy. The past weekend had been boring. The floor was almost empty. Most of the girls went back, 2 girls went dating and roomie had a family problem which forced her to pack her bag and left on Friday (I'm sorry to hear the news, roomie).
I guess I better stop before this gets any longer and mundane. Was planning to upload some photos but something went wrong with the memory card. Hmmm... Will post the photos once I figure out what went wrong with the memory card (though I doubt I will ever understand all those technical items).
Toodles :)
All these years, my birthdays were always during the school holiday and I only celebrated with my family. This year, it's really my first time having friends secretly planning my birthday and throwing me a surprise and having people besides my family singing birthday song to me. It may not be extravaganza but I'm really thankful and touched.
Thanks for the lovely meal at Pasta Zanmai. Though at the end, I had to force myself to swallow down the plate of pasta, it was undeniably a nice meal :)
Thanks for the walk and all the photos we took around Mid Valley with the warm and adorable Christmas decorations. Though I was tired and couldn't stop yawning, it was nice to have you girls around :)
Thanks for the birthday songs and the surprise at 12.00 am. Though the smell of whipping cream haunted me for a day, it was touching to know that you girls remembered my birthday and took the trouble to celebrate with me :)
Thanks for the adorable bow-tie bear and the card by Han Jun, Chu Yee, Cheng Nee, Aileen, Winnie and Choon Fong. Though it was not easy to buy a bear and hide it in the bag while walking around Mid Valley with me, it was my first time receiving a bear and I can't seem to take my eyes off it :)
Thanks for the birthday songs during lecture. Though it was a little bit awkward with people looking at me and singing to me, it truly made my day :)
Thanks for the birthday song and the birthday present from the 'us' of the cg group. Though I don't know who exactly are the 'us', it's really a blessing to know you guys and I pray that we'll all grow stronger in God :)
Thanks for the lovely dinner by my parents who came all the way here just to celebrate my birthday. Though there wasn't any cake like previous years, the meal was nice and warm and I'm really thankful to have a family like this :)
Thanks for all the wishes via sms, facebook and face-to-face. Though I had to reply 100 ++ wishes on facebook, I was smiling while doing so :)
Thankfully, the final is over. It was really my first time spending my study week at home, skipping the ward round during the study week (and I still feel guilty) and crying a lot (without my parents presence, of course). Result is coming out soon and the thought of it is sufficient to make me go nuts. I wished I'd done better but I know I cannot turn back the clock so I'd been pushing it to the back of my mind. Just pray that everything will turn out to be alright. No matter what happen, I will continue to praise Your name, dear Lord :)
At the bright side, I finally have some time to indulge myself in novel-reading. I told myself I'll stop after the 3rd one. Then I continued to the 4th one and told myself the same thing. And now, I'm reading the 5th one. Sigh... Can't believe that what was a pleasure to me has become a guilty pleasure ever since I became a medical student. But it's nice to escape to another world when I feel bored and lazy. The past weekend had been boring. The floor was almost empty. Most of the girls went back, 2 girls went dating and roomie had a family problem which forced her to pack her bag and left on Friday (I'm sorry to hear the news, roomie).
I guess I better stop before this gets any longer and mundane. Was planning to upload some photos but something went wrong with the memory card. Hmmm... Will post the photos once I figure out what went wrong with the memory card (though I doubt I will ever understand all those technical items).
Toodles :)
Monday, November 29, 2010
ABC About Me :)
Since I was tagged by Nana and I got nothing to do besides finishing my novels, here I am answering another sets of questions.
A-Available: Haha... What a question. Everybody knows that I'm single.
B-Birthday: 2nd December every year. And I finally have to admit that I'm a 20-year-old :(
C-Crushing on: Haha... Another funny question. No one.
D-Drink you last had: Ice blended fruit juice (Don't remember the exact name). Yummy :D
E-Easiest person to talk to: Someone who can prompt me to talk more and makes me smile and laugh :)
F-Favourite song at the moment: Hmmm... Can't really pin-point one... Terrified-Katherine McPhee
H-Hometown: Tampin, Negeri Sembilan :)
I-In love with: My family and the wonderful God :)
J-Juggle: Between studying and all the upcoming projects :( Really praying for all the strength, Lord :)
K-Killed someone: Haha... No strength to do so.
L-Longest car ride: The journey from Kajang to Kelantan.
M-Milkshake flavour: Hmmm... Fruits or chocolate :)
N-Number of sibling: 1 little sister.
O-One wish: To be closer to God :)
P-Person you called last: My buddy.
R-Reason to smile: To know that God and my family are always with me :)
S-Song you last heard: Hmmm... Can't really recall...
T-Time you woke up: 6.45 am.
U-Utensils used to eat noodles: Chopsticks and spoon.
V-Vegetable: Love them especially the leafy kangkung (I think it's kangkung...)
W-Worst habit: Torturing my fingers until they start to bleed whenever I'm too tired. (Am trying my best to stop it.)
X-X-rays you had recently: The one for uni registration.
Y-Yoyos are: Impossible to play it correctly.
Z-Zodiac sign: Sagittarius :)
Random Questions about you:
Your favourite number/s: Ermmm... 2, perhaps?
What colour do you wear most: Black and white.
Most favourite colour: Hmmm... Sky blue.
What are you listening to: The sound of me typing the keyboards....
Are you happy with your life right now? Am quite contented with what I have now :)
What is your favourite class in school: Add Maths with Mr. Gan :)
Who is/are your best friend/s: They know who they are :)
Are you outgoing: Depends on the person.
Favourite pair of shoes: Nice yet simple pairs of flat :)
Can you dance: I need practices but I do enjoy it :)
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth: Huh???
Can you whistle: Nope.
Cross your eyes: Nope.
Walk with your toes curled: Nope.
Do you believe in:
Life in other planets: Nope.
Miracles: Yup :)
Magic: The magical things that can happen in life :)
Love at first sight: With cute doggy :D
Santa: Never believed in one.
Do you know how to swim: Nope.
Do you like roller coaster: The thought of it can makes me go tachycardia already...
Do you think you can handle the stuff they eat on reality show: Ewww...
Have you ever been on a plane: The fake one in Petrol Sains, KLCC.
Have you ever asked someone out: Friends for shopping trip :)
Have you ever been to the ocean: Nope.
Have you ever painted your nails: Nope.
The What's:
What is the temperature outside: The usual one in Malaysia;
What radio station do you listen to: Mix, Hitz, My, Fly, One, Lite.
What was the last restaurant you ate at: T-bowl in Sunway Pyramid.
What was the last thing you bought: A cardigan, finally :)
What was the last thing on tv you watched: Some movie on Hallmark Channel.
The Who's:
Who was the last person you IM'd: Saren.
Who was the last person you took a picture of: Chu Yee and Han Jun.
Who was the last person you said I love you too: God :)
Crying Section:
Ever really cried your heart out: Definitely.
Ever cried yourself to sleep: Definitely.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder: No.
Do you cry when you get an injury: Depends.
Happy section:
Are you a happy person: Trying to maintain a cheerful self :)
Look at me:
What is your current hair colour: Black.
Currently wearing:
What shirt are you wearing: White t-shirt with 3 giraffes.
Pants: Black shorts.
Shoes: None.
Necklace: None.
In a boy/girl:
Favourite eye colour: Blue but impossible.
Short or long hair: Short.
Height: MUST be taller than me.
Have you ever:
Been to jail: Definitely no.
Mooned someone: Huh???
Thought about suicide: A very very very long time ago.
Laughed so hard you cried: Yup.
Cried in school: I was the famous 'crying baby' way back in school.
Thrown up in a store: No.
Wanted to be a model: The minimum height and weight requirements are just impossible.
Seen a dead body: Yes.
Been on drugs: Never.
Gone skinny dipping: I'm still sane.
This or that:
Pepsi or cola: Neither.
McDonald's or Burger King: Wendy.
Single or group dates: Single.
Chocolate or vanilla: Simple. Chocolate :)
Strawberry or blueberries: Strawberries.
Meat or veggies: Both.
TV or movie: Both.
Guitar or drums: Guitar.
Adidas or Nike: Hmmm...
A-Available: Haha... What a question. Everybody knows that I'm single.
B-Birthday: 2nd December every year. And I finally have to admit that I'm a 20-year-old :(
C-Crushing on: Haha... Another funny question. No one.
D-Drink you last had: Ice blended fruit juice (Don't remember the exact name). Yummy :D
E-Easiest person to talk to: Someone who can prompt me to talk more and makes me smile and laugh :)
F-Favourite song at the moment: Hmmm... Can't really pin-point one... Terrified-Katherine McPhee
H-Hometown: Tampin, Negeri Sembilan :)
I-In love with: My family and the wonderful God :)
J-Juggle: Between studying and all the upcoming projects :( Really praying for all the strength, Lord :)
K-Killed someone: Haha... No strength to do so.
L-Longest car ride: The journey from Kajang to Kelantan.
M-Milkshake flavour: Hmmm... Fruits or chocolate :)
N-Number of sibling: 1 little sister.
O-One wish: To be closer to God :)
P-Person you called last: My buddy.
R-Reason to smile: To know that God and my family are always with me :)
S-Song you last heard: Hmmm... Can't really recall...
T-Time you woke up: 6.45 am.
U-Utensils used to eat noodles: Chopsticks and spoon.
V-Vegetable: Love them especially the leafy kangkung (I think it's kangkung...)
W-Worst habit: Torturing my fingers until they start to bleed whenever I'm too tired. (Am trying my best to stop it.)
X-X-rays you had recently: The one for uni registration.
Y-Yoyos are: Impossible to play it correctly.
Z-Zodiac sign: Sagittarius :)
Random Questions about you:
Your favourite number/s: Ermmm... 2, perhaps?
What colour do you wear most: Black and white.
Most favourite colour: Hmmm... Sky blue.
What are you listening to: The sound of me typing the keyboards....
Are you happy with your life right now? Am quite contented with what I have now :)
What is your favourite class in school: Add Maths with Mr. Gan :)
Who is/are your best friend/s: They know who they are :)
Are you outgoing: Depends on the person.
Favourite pair of shoes: Nice yet simple pairs of flat :)
Can you dance: I need practices but I do enjoy it :)
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth: Huh???
Can you whistle: Nope.
Cross your eyes: Nope.
Walk with your toes curled: Nope.
Do you believe in:
Life in other planets: Nope.
Miracles: Yup :)
Magic: The magical things that can happen in life :)
Love at first sight: With cute doggy :D
Santa: Never believed in one.
Do you know how to swim: Nope.
Do you like roller coaster: The thought of it can makes me go tachycardia already...
Do you think you can handle the stuff they eat on reality show: Ewww...
Have you ever been on a plane: The fake one in Petrol Sains, KLCC.
Have you ever asked someone out: Friends for shopping trip :)
Have you ever been to the ocean: Nope.
Have you ever painted your nails: Nope.
The What's:
What is the temperature outside: The usual one in Malaysia;
What radio station do you listen to: Mix, Hitz, My, Fly, One, Lite.
What was the last restaurant you ate at: T-bowl in Sunway Pyramid.
What was the last thing you bought: A cardigan, finally :)
What was the last thing on tv you watched: Some movie on Hallmark Channel.
The Who's:
Who was the last person you IM'd: Saren.
Who was the last person you took a picture of: Chu Yee and Han Jun.
Who was the last person you said I love you too: God :)
Crying Section:
Ever really cried your heart out: Definitely.
Ever cried yourself to sleep: Definitely.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder: No.
Do you cry when you get an injury: Depends.
Happy section:
Are you a happy person: Trying to maintain a cheerful self :)
Look at me:
What is your current hair colour: Black.
Currently wearing:
What shirt are you wearing: White t-shirt with 3 giraffes.
Pants: Black shorts.
Shoes: None.
Necklace: None.
In a boy/girl:
Favourite eye colour: Blue but impossible.
Short or long hair: Short.
Height: MUST be taller than me.
Have you ever:
Been to jail: Definitely no.
Mooned someone: Huh???
Thought about suicide: A very very very long time ago.
Laughed so hard you cried: Yup.
Cried in school: I was the famous 'crying baby' way back in school.
Thrown up in a store: No.
Wanted to be a model: The minimum height and weight requirements are just impossible.
Seen a dead body: Yes.
Been on drugs: Never.
Gone skinny dipping: I'm still sane.
This or that:
Pepsi or cola: Neither.
McDonald's or Burger King: Wendy.
Single or group dates: Single.
Chocolate or vanilla: Simple. Chocolate :)
Strawberry or blueberries: Strawberries.
Meat or veggies: Both.
TV or movie: Both.
Guitar or drums: Guitar.
Adidas or Nike: Hmmm...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Books!!!
I can't help but to post this. Hehe :P
I heart bookxcess for all the great books :)
It has been a long long long time since I last took photos of the bulk of books I bought (normally from bookxcess). But thanks to Shelfari, I am able to keep track of the books in my mini-library :)
So starting from now on, I'll remember to take photos. And it just makes me happy to see the books :) I'm such a great bookworm :D
One thing about being a medical student. I need to munch and digest all the pathology, parasitology, medical microbiology and pharmacology notes and books until I got no time to read :(
So many books, so little time to read :(
I heart bookxcess for all the great books :)
It has been a long long long time since I last took photos of the bulk of books I bought (normally from bookxcess). But thanks to Shelfari, I am able to keep track of the books in my mini-library :)
So starting from now on, I'll remember to take photos. And it just makes me happy to see the books :) I'm such a great bookworm :D
One thing about being a medical student. I need to munch and digest all the pathology, parasitology, medical microbiology and pharmacology notes and books until I got no time to read :(
So many books, so little time to read :(
Monday, October 11, 2010
Mood Score :)
It's hard to pin point a value for I myself also don't know what's the score.
Thanks for listening to my prayers and thank You for always watching me. Though I am not worthy of it but thank You for your love. There's nothing greater that Your love :) 
Now, there're waves of calmness in me. Looking back at the previous posts, I realised I was really troubled by the events happening.
For the past few days, the words of God had been really helpful to me. People asked me to just cry and let everything out but I managed to find all the excuses of not to do so. Too busy, must concentrate, must study, need more rest, don't want to wake up with panda bengkak eyes...
Now I found the most perfect way to feel happy. Just pray and put all my troubles away. It's great to know that He is always there for me, sharing my burden and take away my fear and sadness.
Thanks for listening to my prayers and thank You for always watching me. Though I am not worthy of it but thank You for your love. There's nothing greater that Your love :)
Mood score - Because of You, from low to high :)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Wall...
Attended a fantastic meeting today and it'd kept me thinking until now. Some of the things that the speaker said were like arrows directly pointing towards me and I could actually relate to so many emotions that I have had for all these while.
I guess I'm finally admitting that even after more than a year, there's still a rather thick wall surrounding me. I still haven't really felt like I'm a part of them and I still unconsciously distancing myself from them while wondering what's wrong with me.
It's just sad to see the wall around me even after a year has passed. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough ever since I'd been disappointed by people. I'd learned how to be invisible even if I'm surrounded by lots of people including those whom I'd acquainted with. But I still have a constant fear that people will just take my quietness as a part of me and leave me by myself.
After more than a year, maybe they have accepted the fact that I'm a quiet and passive one. The wall has grown thicker since then. Sometimes when I thought that there's a chance to break it, silence continued and the wall remained till today.
I want to see the wall disappear. I don't want to run away anymore just so that I won't feel left out. It's harder when every time I try to speak, all the sentences seem to disappear into thin air without leaving a single mark at all. I no longer know how to join in a group conversation anymore when all of the sentences will drown in the crowd and no one seems to hear a single thing. I'm at loss of what to do and the only way that I can think of is prayers.
Really pray that one day, the wall will collapse and for once, I can try to be myself.
Thanks for your love, dear God :)
p.s. This is really stupid but I really hope that Tuesday will not come at all :(
I guess I'm finally admitting that even after more than a year, there's still a rather thick wall surrounding me. I still haven't really felt like I'm a part of them and I still unconsciously distancing myself from them while wondering what's wrong with me.
It's just sad to see the wall around me even after a year has passed. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough ever since I'd been disappointed by people. I'd learned how to be invisible even if I'm surrounded by lots of people including those whom I'd acquainted with. But I still have a constant fear that people will just take my quietness as a part of me and leave me by myself.
After more than a year, maybe they have accepted the fact that I'm a quiet and passive one. The wall has grown thicker since then. Sometimes when I thought that there's a chance to break it, silence continued and the wall remained till today.
I want to see the wall disappear. I don't want to run away anymore just so that I won't feel left out. It's harder when every time I try to speak, all the sentences seem to disappear into thin air without leaving a single mark at all. I no longer know how to join in a group conversation anymore when all of the sentences will drown in the crowd and no one seems to hear a single thing. I'm at loss of what to do and the only way that I can think of is prayers.
Really pray that one day, the wall will collapse and for once, I can try to be myself.
Thanks for your love, dear God :)
p.s. This is really stupid but I really hope that Tuesday will not come at all :(
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Dandelion :)
For a while, I've been lightly holding a dandelion on my hand. Always holding but hiding it. Always holding but denying it. Always holding but ignoring it.
People say: take a dandelion, make a wish, blow it, and your wish will come true.
I do hope that there'll be a day when I can finally blow the dandelion and seeing the wish coming true. But it's very obvious that it is impossible. I'd tried telling myself that there's still some hope but now I realise I'm only lying to myself. It's so obvious but I turned a blind eye.
Now, I don't want to continue to be a foolish girl. I'm finally opening my eyes and admitting that those images are real. I'm no longer pushing all those truths to the back of my head and ignoring them.
I'm putting down the dandelion. And I won't turn back even if I'm tempted to do so. It may hurt a little but I believe time will wash away everything.
I'll get through this with a smile. I believe I can :)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Racism...
Attended cg which was on Merdeka day.
Am currently involved in Countdown Kemerdekaan.
Throughout all these, the one thing that kept coming to my mind is racism.
I grew up in a small town where most people's mentality differ from mine. Both my parents are teacher. When I was young, before entering primary school, whenever there was school holiday, my parents would brought us to Kota Tinggi. There, we would spend days with an Indian family. My parents were very close to them and the family was very nice to us. Although I don't remember much of what we did there but I do remember that we enjoyed our time there.
When I was in kindergarden, thanks to my English-speaking parents, I could converse quite ok in English. Although there were a few kindergardens back home, most of them are mostly Chinese-speaking with a lot of Chinese kids. My parents send me to a kindergarden in a Catholic church where most of the non-Chinese attend. Almost everyone used English there and since my English was ok, I had no problem mixing with the other kids.
When it was time for me to enter primary school, my parents decided that Chinese is important. My dad was from a Chinese school and all of my relatives can only speak Chinese. My mum didn't have a chance to learn Chinese when she was young. Because of these, they send me to Chinese school. Throughout the six years there, I never interacted with people other than Chinese. The only time that I did was during festival seasons where my parents would bring us to their colleagues' open house. Even in school bus, I would not sit with the other races. I no longer spoke English. I used Chinese most of the time, even with my mum whom I used to communicate in English. I was so used to an all-Chinese environment that I didn't have to speak other languages besides Chinese and I didn't make any initiative to mix with the other races.
The moment came when I was going to enter secondary school. My parents didn't want to send me to a Chinese school anymore, especially my mum. She didn't want me to grow up in an all-Chinese environment. As much as Chinese is important, she thinks English is important. Furthermore, my mum doesn't like the mentality of most Chinese. In the end, I entered kebangsaan school. My class was a mixture of Chinese, Malay and Indian and since I was there, I started to mix with them. They also started to talk to me when my mum mentioned our relationship when she first entered our class. Most of my Indians and some of my Malays classmates came from a educated, middle and slightly upper-class family. Thus, they are fluent in English. I started to speak in English and mixed with them. Throughout my 5 years them, conflicts occurred between me and the Chinese. My relationship with the Chinese turned from normal to slightly-sour. There was just so much difference between me and the other Chinese. I found it hard to mix with them anymore. The only Chinese that I was closed to are those English-speaking ones too and most of them are guys. Whenever there was class events, I would be the one of the few Chinese who attend. They were very nice to me. While the Chinese thought that I was proud, fat, ugly, short and whatever else they talked about at my back, the others thought that I was willing to share and teach and they never said that I was fat and ugly. After so long, I truly tasted the sweetness of friendship.
During my one year in matrik, I seldom mixed with Chinese. I felt awkward with them and I didn't know how to communicate with my own race anymore. I was very close with the Malay there. Even they are surprised of how a Chinese girl could mix well with them. I spend a lot of time with them and they were very friendly and nice towards me. I was very happy.
After entering university, things changed. I was once again scared since I knew I don't know how to mix with my own race. When I found out that orientation was race-based, I cried terribly the night before. I didn't know how to and I was really scared that the old wounds from secondary school would open up again. But thankfully, I met some very nice Chinese girls whom I could communicate with and I'm still close to them. I still mix with the other races. I joined the Malay dance where I was the only Chinese. Throughout that period of time, when I was struggling hard with the dance and everything, my dance mates were very supportive. I remembered that particular time when I was lacking behind of the dance, when I no longer felt like I could do it. I seldom smile and there was a day when I just couldn't stop crying. Ana accompanied me in the washroom where I cried like a baby being derived of food and she never stopped encouraged me. The rest of my dance mates cheered for me and helped me with my dance.
Now, I am a second year student here. My very close Chinese friends are still the same group of girls and I still hang around with the other races. Through Minggu Haluansiswa, I had managed to know most of the juniors here and I'm still trying to know the Malay juniors who seldom approach me. I got to know more of my own Malay batch mates and because of the projects I'm involved in, I work with them often too.
But in university, I seldom where baju kurung or kebaya. I don't like how some will point at me and talk about it. Just last Thursday, when I wore a baju kurung, I spend my whole afternoon in Center Point before going to cg because I didn't want to pass by dewan makan where the seniors, batch mates and juniors would be there for lunch. There was also an incident where a batch mate of mine asked me why I seldom mix with the Chinese and spend a lot of time with the Malays.
Every one has their own goodness and their special qualities. One concept that I have is everyone is human and we all are the same. Having a fair skin doesn't mean that you're money-minded; having a hitam-manis skin doesn't mean that you're lazy; having a dark skin doesn't mean that you're poor. No matter what is your skin colour, your hearts and brains are of the same colour, make up of the same components, having almost the same size and have the same functions. Why must we discriminate others and label each other? When I had troubles and problems, they lend me a helping hands. I had gone through a time when the one by my side were the Malays and Indians while some Chinese made my life miserable. I had received complements from the Malays and Indians when some Chinese just couldn't stop criticise by body shape and my apparent lack of beauty.
Please don't misunderstand me. It's not that I dislike the Chinese, I just find it hard to be myself and talk to them after the incidents back then. I do appreciate the friendship that I have with some of the Chinese here (you know who you are and I'm really thankful and happy have you as my friends). I just pray that people will put aside the mentality and perceptions about the other races and try to look inside the hearts. Everyone has their own good qualities and everyone can learn from each other. I just pray that there'll be a time where everyone will stand up for each other and help each other instead of creating more issues on racism. All I want is tolerance in everyone of us and the ability to accept the differences among us and friendship among all of us. I just hope and pray that there'll be a time when I will feel ease and comfortable with my own race as well.
Happy birthday to the wonderful Malaysia in 2 days time :)
Am currently involved in Countdown Kemerdekaan.
Throughout all these, the one thing that kept coming to my mind is racism.
I grew up in a small town where most people's mentality differ from mine. Both my parents are teacher. When I was young, before entering primary school, whenever there was school holiday, my parents would brought us to Kota Tinggi. There, we would spend days with an Indian family. My parents were very close to them and the family was very nice to us. Although I don't remember much of what we did there but I do remember that we enjoyed our time there.
When I was in kindergarden, thanks to my English-speaking parents, I could converse quite ok in English. Although there were a few kindergardens back home, most of them are mostly Chinese-speaking with a lot of Chinese kids. My parents send me to a kindergarden in a Catholic church where most of the non-Chinese attend. Almost everyone used English there and since my English was ok, I had no problem mixing with the other kids.
When it was time for me to enter primary school, my parents decided that Chinese is important. My dad was from a Chinese school and all of my relatives can only speak Chinese. My mum didn't have a chance to learn Chinese when she was young. Because of these, they send me to Chinese school. Throughout the six years there, I never interacted with people other than Chinese. The only time that I did was during festival seasons where my parents would bring us to their colleagues' open house. Even in school bus, I would not sit with the other races. I no longer spoke English. I used Chinese most of the time, even with my mum whom I used to communicate in English. I was so used to an all-Chinese environment that I didn't have to speak other languages besides Chinese and I didn't make any initiative to mix with the other races.
The moment came when I was going to enter secondary school. My parents didn't want to send me to a Chinese school anymore, especially my mum. She didn't want me to grow up in an all-Chinese environment. As much as Chinese is important, she thinks English is important. Furthermore, my mum doesn't like the mentality of most Chinese. In the end, I entered kebangsaan school. My class was a mixture of Chinese, Malay and Indian and since I was there, I started to mix with them. They also started to talk to me when my mum mentioned our relationship when she first entered our class. Most of my Indians and some of my Malays classmates came from a educated, middle and slightly upper-class family. Thus, they are fluent in English. I started to speak in English and mixed with them. Throughout my 5 years them, conflicts occurred between me and the Chinese. My relationship with the Chinese turned from normal to slightly-sour. There was just so much difference between me and the other Chinese. I found it hard to mix with them anymore. The only Chinese that I was closed to are those English-speaking ones too and most of them are guys. Whenever there was class events, I would be the one of the few Chinese who attend. They were very nice to me. While the Chinese thought that I was proud, fat, ugly, short and whatever else they talked about at my back, the others thought that I was willing to share and teach and they never said that I was fat and ugly. After so long, I truly tasted the sweetness of friendship.
During my one year in matrik, I seldom mixed with Chinese. I felt awkward with them and I didn't know how to communicate with my own race anymore. I was very close with the Malay there. Even they are surprised of how a Chinese girl could mix well with them. I spend a lot of time with them and they were very friendly and nice towards me. I was very happy.
After entering university, things changed. I was once again scared since I knew I don't know how to mix with my own race. When I found out that orientation was race-based, I cried terribly the night before. I didn't know how to and I was really scared that the old wounds from secondary school would open up again. But thankfully, I met some very nice Chinese girls whom I could communicate with and I'm still close to them. I still mix with the other races. I joined the Malay dance where I was the only Chinese. Throughout that period of time, when I was struggling hard with the dance and everything, my dance mates were very supportive. I remembered that particular time when I was lacking behind of the dance, when I no longer felt like I could do it. I seldom smile and there was a day when I just couldn't stop crying. Ana accompanied me in the washroom where I cried like a baby being derived of food and she never stopped encouraged me. The rest of my dance mates cheered for me and helped me with my dance.
Now, I am a second year student here. My very close Chinese friends are still the same group of girls and I still hang around with the other races. Through Minggu Haluansiswa, I had managed to know most of the juniors here and I'm still trying to know the Malay juniors who seldom approach me. I got to know more of my own Malay batch mates and because of the projects I'm involved in, I work with them often too.
But in university, I seldom where baju kurung or kebaya. I don't like how some will point at me and talk about it. Just last Thursday, when I wore a baju kurung, I spend my whole afternoon in Center Point before going to cg because I didn't want to pass by dewan makan where the seniors, batch mates and juniors would be there for lunch. There was also an incident where a batch mate of mine asked me why I seldom mix with the Chinese and spend a lot of time with the Malays.
Every one has their own goodness and their special qualities. One concept that I have is everyone is human and we all are the same. Having a fair skin doesn't mean that you're money-minded; having a hitam-manis skin doesn't mean that you're lazy; having a dark skin doesn't mean that you're poor. No matter what is your skin colour, your hearts and brains are of the same colour, make up of the same components, having almost the same size and have the same functions. Why must we discriminate others and label each other? When I had troubles and problems, they lend me a helping hands. I had gone through a time when the one by my side were the Malays and Indians while some Chinese made my life miserable. I had received complements from the Malays and Indians when some Chinese just couldn't stop criticise by body shape and my apparent lack of beauty.
Please don't misunderstand me. It's not that I dislike the Chinese, I just find it hard to be myself and talk to them after the incidents back then. I do appreciate the friendship that I have with some of the Chinese here (you know who you are and I'm really thankful and happy have you as my friends). I just pray that people will put aside the mentality and perceptions about the other races and try to look inside the hearts. Everyone has their own good qualities and everyone can learn from each other. I just pray that there'll be a time where everyone will stand up for each other and help each other instead of creating more issues on racism. All I want is tolerance in everyone of us and the ability to accept the differences among us and friendship among all of us. I just hope and pray that there'll be a time when I will feel ease and comfortable with my own race as well.
Happy birthday to the wonderful Malaysia in 2 days time :)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Lost...
Putting a smile when you know that you just want to hide in a corner to cry is just so difficult. And that's why I'm putting down my pbl work and my studies to write this. If not, all the emotions just get pile up inside me and it just makes me feel worst.
It's funny how stuffs can happen suddenly without you knowing it. And it's even worst when all you know is the effects of the thing but not the cause.
I just don't understand how things will lead to this point when I can't even see the pathway to this point. Is it something that I did? But I'm just extremely sure that I didn't do anything at all. Nobody is sure of what had happened and those who know are turning their back on me. Even though it's really hurting but what else can I do but to let go of those? It's their decision to do so and I can't say anything much to change their mind.
I just don't understand how such a big issue can happen behind my back and I only get to know about it later. How long had I been a fool in front of all of them? How long had it happened? And most importantly, what had actually happened and what did I do to you?
People are telling me that they are ok already but how can you know that for sure? I'd been spending all my life facing people who smile at me and laugh with me but deep down, cursing me. I can no longer trust their smile anymore no matter how friendly it seems.
Despite of what had happened, I did get to appreciate the things that I'd have and always taken granted of.
Good friends are those who are with you when you hit really low and when you're on the verge of breaking down. To be honest, I never really have many friends that I could really talk to and when times got really bad, I used to lock myself in the bedroom and just cried in there. I couldn't even talk to my parents for they really thought that I should just forget everything and concentrate on my study. Thankfully, God was there for me and I made it through most of the time. Coming to this place doing this course is a blessing to me. I'd made friends with those whom I'll never expect that I'll be close to. All I did was run to their room and started crying while telling them of the problems. Thank you for putting down your books and spending your whole night with me. I really appreciate it :)
God is just great. People said that I'm strong for being able to go through the tough times in secondary school but I have to say that I'm not. I'm weak but He is always there for me whenever I stumble and fall. I spend my whole yesterday night on bed praying to God and told Him of the problems. I never thought of stopping the tears from flowing down for I'm going to Him as my vulnerable self and I don't want to act like a tough girl in front of Him for He knows me better than I even know myself. I'm still feeling lost and sad but I know that I'll be able to get through this with His help. And I'm thankful that when everyone turned their back, one stood with me firmly and nothing could change his/her stand. Though I'm still feeling down but I trust that with His help, I'll be back to a more cheerful me within a couple of days.
For now, I'm still doing what I'd been doing throughout today which is staring at the laptop while thinking of what had happened. Sometimes, I'd start to cry in front of the laptop. Just give me a few more days and I promise I'll be fine again...
It's funny how stuffs can happen suddenly without you knowing it. And it's even worst when all you know is the effects of the thing but not the cause.
I just don't understand how things will lead to this point when I can't even see the pathway to this point. Is it something that I did? But I'm just extremely sure that I didn't do anything at all. Nobody is sure of what had happened and those who know are turning their back on me. Even though it's really hurting but what else can I do but to let go of those? It's their decision to do so and I can't say anything much to change their mind.
I just don't understand how such a big issue can happen behind my back and I only get to know about it later. How long had I been a fool in front of all of them? How long had it happened? And most importantly, what had actually happened and what did I do to you?
People are telling me that they are ok already but how can you know that for sure? I'd been spending all my life facing people who smile at me and laugh with me but deep down, cursing me. I can no longer trust their smile anymore no matter how friendly it seems.
Despite of what had happened, I did get to appreciate the things that I'd have and always taken granted of.
Good friends are those who are with you when you hit really low and when you're on the verge of breaking down. To be honest, I never really have many friends that I could really talk to and when times got really bad, I used to lock myself in the bedroom and just cried in there. I couldn't even talk to my parents for they really thought that I should just forget everything and concentrate on my study. Thankfully, God was there for me and I made it through most of the time. Coming to this place doing this course is a blessing to me. I'd made friends with those whom I'll never expect that I'll be close to. All I did was run to their room and started crying while telling them of the problems. Thank you for putting down your books and spending your whole night with me. I really appreciate it :)
God is just great. People said that I'm strong for being able to go through the tough times in secondary school but I have to say that I'm not. I'm weak but He is always there for me whenever I stumble and fall. I spend my whole yesterday night on bed praying to God and told Him of the problems. I never thought of stopping the tears from flowing down for I'm going to Him as my vulnerable self and I don't want to act like a tough girl in front of Him for He knows me better than I even know myself. I'm still feeling lost and sad but I know that I'll be able to get through this with His help. And I'm thankful that when everyone turned their back, one stood with me firmly and nothing could change his/her stand. Though I'm still feeling down but I trust that with His help, I'll be back to a more cheerful me within a couple of days.
For now, I'm still doing what I'd been doing throughout today which is staring at the laptop while thinking of what had happened. Sometimes, I'd start to cry in front of the laptop. Just give me a few more days and I promise I'll be fine again...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Just For Fun :)
So, I kena tagged by an old and dear friend of mine. And since it's only the second week of class and I feel like doing something just for the fun of it, here I am answering all these questions :)
~~~~~~~FOODOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Hmmm... It's weird but I prefer the flavoured yogurt. It's yummy with the fruits :D
2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Anywhere comfy.
3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Chocolate!!!
4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Cheese and cheese and more cheese with fish sticks.
5. What do you like to put on your toast?
Kaya. My favourite :)
~~~~~~~TECHNOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. How many televisions are there in your house?
Two. One in the living room and another small and ancient one in my parents' room.
2. The color of your cell phone?
Black and gold.
3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber Band?
Just a few seconds. I can just google it up.
4. Have any idea how many Megahertz your computer has?
Don't have a clue.
~~~~~~~BIOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right.
2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Nope...
3. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
7 quite heavy boxes of buddy stuffs from the ground floor up to my room on the first floor. Phew...
4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Nope...
~~~~~~~CRAZYOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Ermmm... Sometimes, yes, sometimes, no. It's best to just leave it in His hands.
2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I'm quite ok with my names (though you can come up with all sorts of nicknames with it.)
3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Ermmm... I think I'll ask my mum to take my place. Hehe :P
~~~~~~~DUMBOLOGY~~~~~~
1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
One. Yup. One. I so adore and love pumps :)
2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Last year when my uncle drove me back to um.
3. Last person you talked to??
Syud. My lab mate and neighbour.
4. Last person you hugged?
My mum!!! :D
~~~~~~~FAVORITOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Season?
Spring!!! I want to run in a field of flowers :D
2. Holiday?
Europe.
3. Day of the week?
Ermmm... Sunday :D
4. Month?
December. Since I'm a December baby.
~~~~~~~CURRENTOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Missing someone?
My parents...
2. Mood?
Light and easy :D
3. What are you listening to?
Mix fm.
4. Watching?
Not watching anything at the moment.
~~~~~~~RANDOMOLOGY~~~~~~
1. First place you went this morning?
Washroom.
2. What's the last movie you saw?
The A Team.
3. Do you smile often?
Depends on my moods.
~~~~~~~OTHER-OLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Do you always answer your phone?
Yup. Unless I'm in class.
2. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Maybe just some sms promoting something.
3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Blue!!!.
4. Do you own a digital camera?
Currently no.
5. Have you ever had a pet fish?
Nope.
6. Favorite Christmas song(s)
Can't really pinpoint one...
7. What's on your wish list for your birthday?
A birthday dinner/lunch with all my friends. Never really experienced this since everybody will be elsewhere during December.
8. Can you do push ups?
Gosh. I'd rather do senam seni :P
9. Can you do a chin up?
Ya... Right...
10. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Definitely both.
11. Do you have any saved texts?
Of course :)
12. Ever been in a car wreck?
Nope. Thank God :)
13. Do you have an accent?
Nope.
14. What is the last song which made you cry?
Never Knew I Needed - Ne-Yo. It's so sweet!!! And it was some time around study week.
15. What are your plans for tonight?
Study...
16. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yeah. I hit real low too. Thank God I managed to climb back up :)
17. Name 3 things you bought yesterday
Nothing.
18. Have you ever been given roses?
Haha... Nope.
19. Current worry?
whether I'll manage to pass my phase II exam...
20. Current hate right now?
Not a single one :)
21. Met someone who changed your life?
Yup!
22. How will you bring in the New Year?
Pray that I'll not stray and will always be at the right path that He had planned for me :)
23. What song represents you?
Can't really think of one...
24. Name three people who might complete this?
Chu Yee, Cheng Nee and Junie.
25. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Maybe...
26. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Haha... Never been in a relationship before.
27. Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
Nope.
28. Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Haha... I wonder how a guy will show up suddenly within this 4 months. Haha...
29. Does anyone love you?
What a question. Of course my parents love me :)
30. Ever had someone sing to you?
Can I wish for that? Haha...
31. When did you last cry?
2 weeks ago.
32. Do you like to cuddle?
Yes!!! :D
33. Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nope.
34. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Musics on Light and Easy (all thanks to my parents...)
35. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
A mix of both :)
36. Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Yes!!! Love fruit juice :)
That's it. If you want to do this, please do :)
~~~~~~~FOODOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Hmmm... It's weird but I prefer the flavoured yogurt. It's yummy with the fruits :D
2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Anywhere comfy.
3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Chocolate!!!
4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Cheese and cheese and more cheese with fish sticks.
5. What do you like to put on your toast?
Kaya. My favourite :)
~~~~~~~TECHNOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. How many televisions are there in your house?
Two. One in the living room and another small and ancient one in my parents' room.
2. The color of your cell phone?
Black and gold.
3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber Band?
Just a few seconds. I can just google it up.
4. Have any idea how many Megahertz your computer has?
Don't have a clue.
~~~~~~~BIOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right.
2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Nope...
3. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
7 quite heavy boxes of buddy stuffs from the ground floor up to my room on the first floor. Phew...
4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Nope...
~~~~~~~CRAZYOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Ermmm... Sometimes, yes, sometimes, no. It's best to just leave it in His hands.
2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I'm quite ok with my names (though you can come up with all sorts of nicknames with it.)
3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Ermmm... I think I'll ask my mum to take my place. Hehe :P
~~~~~~~DUMBOLOGY~~~~~~
1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
One. Yup. One. I so adore and love pumps :)
2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Last year when my uncle drove me back to um.
3. Last person you talked to??
Syud. My lab mate and neighbour.
4. Last person you hugged?
My mum!!! :D
~~~~~~~FAVORITOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Season?
Spring!!! I want to run in a field of flowers :D
2. Holiday?
Europe.
3. Day of the week?
Ermmm... Sunday :D
4. Month?
December. Since I'm a December baby.
~~~~~~~CURRENTOLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Missing someone?
My parents...
2. Mood?
Light and easy :D
3. What are you listening to?
Mix fm.
4. Watching?
Not watching anything at the moment.
~~~~~~~RANDOMOLOGY~~~~~~
1. First place you went this morning?
Washroom.
2. What's the last movie you saw?
The A Team.
3. Do you smile often?
Depends on my moods.
~~~~~~~OTHER-OLOGY~~~~~~~
1. Do you always answer your phone?
Yup. Unless I'm in class.
2. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Maybe just some sms promoting something.
3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Blue!!!.
4. Do you own a digital camera?
Currently no.
5. Have you ever had a pet fish?
Nope.
6. Favorite Christmas song(s)
Can't really pinpoint one...
7. What's on your wish list for your birthday?
A birthday dinner/lunch with all my friends. Never really experienced this since everybody will be elsewhere during December.
8. Can you do push ups?
Gosh. I'd rather do senam seni :P
9. Can you do a chin up?
Ya... Right...
10. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Definitely both.
11. Do you have any saved texts?
Of course :)
12. Ever been in a car wreck?
Nope. Thank God :)
13. Do you have an accent?
Nope.
14. What is the last song which made you cry?
Never Knew I Needed - Ne-Yo. It's so sweet!!! And it was some time around study week.
15. What are your plans for tonight?
Study...
16. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yeah. I hit real low too. Thank God I managed to climb back up :)
17. Name 3 things you bought yesterday
Nothing.
18. Have you ever been given roses?
Haha... Nope.
19. Current worry?
whether I'll manage to pass my phase II exam...
20. Current hate right now?
Not a single one :)
21. Met someone who changed your life?
Yup!
22. How will you bring in the New Year?
Pray that I'll not stray and will always be at the right path that He had planned for me :)
23. What song represents you?
Can't really think of one...
24. Name three people who might complete this?
Chu Yee, Cheng Nee and Junie.
25. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Maybe...
26. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Haha... Never been in a relationship before.
27. Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
Nope.
28. Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Haha... I wonder how a guy will show up suddenly within this 4 months. Haha...
29. Does anyone love you?
What a question. Of course my parents love me :)
30. Ever had someone sing to you?
Can I wish for that? Haha...
31. When did you last cry?
2 weeks ago.
32. Do you like to cuddle?
Yes!!! :D
33. Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nope.
34. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Musics on Light and Easy (all thanks to my parents...)
35. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
A mix of both :)
36. Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Yes!!! Love fruit juice :)
That's it. If you want to do this, please do :)
Friday, May 21, 2010
True Colours...
Before the end of first year, I heard so much about Glee. Ruth is really into it and 'Defying Gravity' was constantly on when she was on her laptop. Ana loves it and I'm sure 'Lean On Me' is one of her favourites. Well, since it's a musical (who doesn't love music???) and there are lots of rave reviews so I was thinking why not just give it a go. And guess what? I'm officially a Gleek now! The only downfall is that I lost my voice completely due to a cold so I can't get to sing along...
I was away during the weekend for the second leadership camp for the pembantu mahasiswa in preparation for the upcoming Minggu Haluansiswa (can't wait to meet the juniors!!!) One thing you should know is that I'd never really been to any kind of camps. The leadership camp for librarian was mostly consist of ceramah and ceramah. My school was not really that active in ko-ku so I seldom got a chance to be involved in camping and outdoor activities.
One look at the timetable and I noticed we got rempuh halangan and a trip to Amberstone Camp for jungle trekking and all sorts of outdoor activities. I didn't know what to expect. Fear, anticipation, excitement... all the feelings were bubbled inside the little me.
People often view crying as a sign of weakness and I totally oppose to this ridiculous mindset. I have to admit, I cried almost throughout the rempuh halangan course. Everyone has their own way of expressing and releasing their fears and mine is through tears. If I forced myself not to cry that night, I doubted I would have the courage to go through all the halangan. Crying is the way for me to release all my fears and provide me the courage that I need. One asked me: What is it exactly that I was afraid of. Then I asked myself back the same question. What? I guess it's because I'd never had to jump down from a high place before, or is it because a friend told me that she'd tried it before and warned me that no matter how low you crawl, your back will still touch the thorns and it'll be extremely painful, or is it because being a vertically-disabled girl, the pools that I'd experienced would always reach my shoulder level and I couldn't wipe off the drowning scenes off my head? I was part of a group and I knew no matter how scared I was, I had to cry out all the fears and worries and conquer it. And all the appreciation to my teammates who waited for me and cheered for me :)
Through the outdoor activities and jungle trekking, I realised I have a tendency to hold somebody's hand when the roads were rough or slippery to walk for I was afraid of slipping or falling. And there'd be someone who was willing to lend me a hand. I can't stop to think, do I really need this? Can't I brave through the rough roads without having someone to give me a hand? Life's journey is long and I'm no longer that naive to think that there'll always someone with me throughout this. There'll be time when I'll be alone. After so many years of cold treatment and isolation by my own race, I thought I'm used to alone already. But even during the roughest time, God was so wonderful that He always place someone call 'friend' who is more than willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on. I may not have tons and millions of good friends that everyone seems to have but the friends that I have now are those who had and still touch my heart in a special way that it's hard for me to forget. When I'm alone, I know I will find a way to walk through the rough roads even if it means slipping and falling and bruising myself since I have to get to the destination one way or another. But here I have to thanks to all the helping hands that were given to me even I didn't ask for it :)
The only regret that I had was throwing a tantrum at my mum when she stopped by to collect my stuffs. I was so disappointed with myself and I really felt so useless at that moment. It all started during LDK session when we were assigned to draw a flag, list down some Kadazan words and come out with a song based on the Kadazan's culture. Immediately, I volunteered myself to help out giving the songs a lyric. All the creative juices were flowing in my head and I was so excited to express all that I could think of. After settling for a song, we started with the lyrics. That's when I became so down. There were 2 girls who was so full of confident singing while thinking of lyrics. At that moment, I realised that whatever idea that I wanted to present must be in the form of singing and my confidence just crashed from the top level right down to the basement. Every time I tried to sing, my tongues were tied up that I couldn't sing at all. I remained quiet and I felt so useless. Singing in front of people is just something that I'm terrified of after constantly being laughed by people of my inability to sing. My confidence was so low and my mood went down so low that I was so frustrated with the constant phone calls and sms from my mum. The phone couldn't stop vibrating and I couldn't do anything since the activity was still going on. I got extremely annoyed and thus, the quarrel. I'm sorry.
It's true, I have a confidence issue. And it's even worst when it involves singing even though I love music. I can't sing properly, I can't play an instrument properly and sometimes I just wish my marks in piano theory truly reflects my ability in music but that's just a joke since everybody knows piano theory is as easy as pie. You don't need to be extremely good in music to score a 100 and that's something that everyone who took the test before knows.
When will I ever gain back the confidence that was taken brutally away from me since entering primary school and let my true colours shine through?
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realise
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
I was away during the weekend for the second leadership camp for the pembantu mahasiswa in preparation for the upcoming Minggu Haluansiswa (can't wait to meet the juniors!!!) One thing you should know is that I'd never really been to any kind of camps. The leadership camp for librarian was mostly consist of ceramah and ceramah. My school was not really that active in ko-ku so I seldom got a chance to be involved in camping and outdoor activities.
One look at the timetable and I noticed we got rempuh halangan and a trip to Amberstone Camp for jungle trekking and all sorts of outdoor activities. I didn't know what to expect. Fear, anticipation, excitement... all the feelings were bubbled inside the little me.
People often view crying as a sign of weakness and I totally oppose to this ridiculous mindset. I have to admit, I cried almost throughout the rempuh halangan course. Everyone has their own way of expressing and releasing their fears and mine is through tears. If I forced myself not to cry that night, I doubted I would have the courage to go through all the halangan. Crying is the way for me to release all my fears and provide me the courage that I need. One asked me: What is it exactly that I was afraid of. Then I asked myself back the same question. What? I guess it's because I'd never had to jump down from a high place before, or is it because a friend told me that she'd tried it before and warned me that no matter how low you crawl, your back will still touch the thorns and it'll be extremely painful, or is it because being a vertically-disabled girl, the pools that I'd experienced would always reach my shoulder level and I couldn't wipe off the drowning scenes off my head? I was part of a group and I knew no matter how scared I was, I had to cry out all the fears and worries and conquer it. And all the appreciation to my teammates who waited for me and cheered for me :)
Through the outdoor activities and jungle trekking, I realised I have a tendency to hold somebody's hand when the roads were rough or slippery to walk for I was afraid of slipping or falling. And there'd be someone who was willing to lend me a hand. I can't stop to think, do I really need this? Can't I brave through the rough roads without having someone to give me a hand? Life's journey is long and I'm no longer that naive to think that there'll always someone with me throughout this. There'll be time when I'll be alone. After so many years of cold treatment and isolation by my own race, I thought I'm used to alone already. But even during the roughest time, God was so wonderful that He always place someone call 'friend' who is more than willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on. I may not have tons and millions of good friends that everyone seems to have but the friends that I have now are those who had and still touch my heart in a special way that it's hard for me to forget. When I'm alone, I know I will find a way to walk through the rough roads even if it means slipping and falling and bruising myself since I have to get to the destination one way or another. But here I have to thanks to all the helping hands that were given to me even I didn't ask for it :)
The only regret that I had was throwing a tantrum at my mum when she stopped by to collect my stuffs. I was so disappointed with myself and I really felt so useless at that moment. It all started during LDK session when we were assigned to draw a flag, list down some Kadazan words and come out with a song based on the Kadazan's culture. Immediately, I volunteered myself to help out giving the songs a lyric. All the creative juices were flowing in my head and I was so excited to express all that I could think of. After settling for a song, we started with the lyrics. That's when I became so down. There were 2 girls who was so full of confident singing while thinking of lyrics. At that moment, I realised that whatever idea that I wanted to present must be in the form of singing and my confidence just crashed from the top level right down to the basement. Every time I tried to sing, my tongues were tied up that I couldn't sing at all. I remained quiet and I felt so useless. Singing in front of people is just something that I'm terrified of after constantly being laughed by people of my inability to sing. My confidence was so low and my mood went down so low that I was so frustrated with the constant phone calls and sms from my mum. The phone couldn't stop vibrating and I couldn't do anything since the activity was still going on. I got extremely annoyed and thus, the quarrel. I'm sorry.
It's true, I have a confidence issue. And it's even worst when it involves singing even though I love music. I can't sing properly, I can't play an instrument properly and sometimes I just wish my marks in piano theory truly reflects my ability in music but that's just a joke since everybody knows piano theory is as easy as pie. You don't need to be extremely good in music to score a 100 and that's something that everyone who took the test before knows.
When will I ever gain back the confidence that was taken brutally away from me since entering primary school and let my true colours shine through?
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realise
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
:(
All of the sudden, after coming back from TITAS exam, after Ruth left the room, my head started to pound, my heart started to beat at a higher rate, my lacrimal gland's secretion started to lose control.
All of the sudden, all I want to do is to pack all my stuffs and go home. I thought this time I can be tough since I went through one exam already. I didn't feel panic or stress until now. I don't want to break down. I can't afford to break down when I still have many things to cover. I can't afford to waste any time. I'm really scared of the outcome. I'd been hugging the little Aries for a little bit of comfort.
All of the sudden, I wanted to grab some chocolate and eat but my satiety centre is in its active state. I don't feel like eating at all. Oh well, at least this shows that I can control my appetite.
All of the sudden, I ran down and went to her room and told her that I'm really scared. And thanks for the encouragement.
All of the sudden, I put my hands together and prayed and told Him of my fear. And thanks for listening and took away some of my fear.
All of the sudden, I switched on my laptop and started typing of my worries. And writing really does wonder.
2 more weeks. I just have to go through it. No matter how much I like being here, no matter how grateful I am that I've been given a chance to do something that I love, exam stress is part of a parcel of being a medical student and I'll never be able to avoid it.
Just pray that everything will work out in the end... I miss home :(
All of the sudden, all I want to do is to pack all my stuffs and go home. I thought this time I can be tough since I went through one exam already. I didn't feel panic or stress until now. I don't want to break down. I can't afford to break down when I still have many things to cover. I can't afford to waste any time. I'm really scared of the outcome. I'd been hugging the little Aries for a little bit of comfort.
All of the sudden, I wanted to grab some chocolate and eat but my satiety centre is in its active state. I don't feel like eating at all. Oh well, at least this shows that I can control my appetite.
All of the sudden, I ran down and went to her room and told her that I'm really scared. And thanks for the encouragement.
All of the sudden, I put my hands together and prayed and told Him of my fear. And thanks for listening and took away some of my fear.
All of the sudden, I switched on my laptop and started typing of my worries. And writing really does wonder.
2 more weeks. I just have to go through it. No matter how much I like being here, no matter how grateful I am that I've been given a chance to do something that I love, exam stress is part of a parcel of being a medical student and I'll never be able to avoid it.
Just pray that everything will work out in the end... I miss home :(
Saturday, March 20, 2010
8 :)
What a week. What a tiring week. What an amazing week. What a wonderful week.
Dance competition is finally over. All my worries (at least those related to dancing) are gone. But somehow, I miss dancing a lot. I thought I will feel relieve but after everything is over, I realise how much I love dancing and I'm seriously missing it. I don't even dare to play the music which once gave me a lot of stress for I'm really afraid that I'll start to cry. What a crying baby...
This whole dancing thing really made me realise how weak I am and how I need to depend on Him. I remember 2 or 3 weeks before the competition, everyone was catching up and I was lacking behind. I remember how my trainer was frowning trying to think of ways to make me as good as them. I remember how my team mates kept on practicing with me trying to make sure I'm the same level as them.
Of course, there was lots of tears involved. I remember the first time I broke down because of dancing. I remember it was Chooi Lin's birthday. I remember how I was very disappointed with myself for not being able to catch up. The moment I entered the room, I started crying. The second time was the day I started having cramps. I remember it was the same day as the physio treasure hunt meeting. I remember how I endured the pain since evening. After the creative dance around 10 something, I went on doing the traditional dance in front of a fifth year senior. With the pain after the dance and her comments on me, I couldn't help but broke down. The third time was during the practice with Ana helping me. I couldn't help but feeling disappointed with myself again and I broke down once again.
I was weak and I couldn't stop praying. The thought of quiting came to me but I couldn't bear to leave them cleaning up the mess that I'd made. A week before the competition, everything seemed bleak. I screwed up the showcase as well. I improved a little but still far from them and all I could do is to pray even thought it really seemed impossible. I even started to wonder. But thanks to His unfailing love, I made it. I remember a day before the competition when my trainer told me that he no longer noticed me when I dance since I was finally the same level as them. I got a shock since I didn't notice any difference. Seeing the smile on both Abang Din and Abang Zerul face and the claps that I got from my team mates, I couldn't help but smile and thanking God for everything.
It was a week when I really feel Him holding my hands and make things which seemed impossible possible. I always have stage fright and I thought I would freak out on stage especially a big stage like DTC with lots of people watching us. Sarah, Marcella and I never forget to hold hands and prayed before going on the stage. The moment I was on stage, surprisingly, I was transformed into another world and I felt myself living in the music, swaying along with the music, smiling along when dancing and all the right moods were there. After the dance, I couldn't help and but to thanks Him once again for everything.
Creative dance was the most emotional one. Our trainer told us that this dance is very personal to him because this is the first time he's doing the dance based on his ethnic group. It's something that he has never tried before and it's something that he was afraid to do so. I remember everyone in a circle with our eyes closed. When he started to cry, we cried too. All of us. It made us even more determined to do our best. When everything was over, our trainer came to us and thanked us for making the dance wonderful. Though we only got 5th, but he was satisfied.
The next day before going to cg, I made a mistake of switching on the laptop and facebooking. I saw my trainer's status on how he's proud of us. I saw my team mates' status and all the memories just flooded through my mind. This time, I couldn't stop crying. All the memories just came to me and I realised how much I miss it. When I went to cg, during the praise and worship, I thought of how God had helped me a lot throughout the week and I couldn't stop crying again. It was really paiseh, I know, but I just couldn't help it. Qin Zhi's sharing was also very touching because it was something that I went through that week and it really spoke right through my heart. All you need to do is to open your heart and pray and somehow even though things seem impossible, it'll always work out at the end. Thank goodness my mood was elevated after the ice breaking session so the tears didn't drop once again. If not, I can't imagine myself crying while he's sharing...
All praises to Him. Without Him providing me the strength and guidance, I couldn't have made it. Applause to Him and all thanks to Him. Thanks for never letting me go. Thanks :)
Dance competition is finally over. All my worries (at least those related to dancing) are gone. But somehow, I miss dancing a lot. I thought I will feel relieve but after everything is over, I realise how much I love dancing and I'm seriously missing it. I don't even dare to play the music which once gave me a lot of stress for I'm really afraid that I'll start to cry. What a crying baby...
This whole dancing thing really made me realise how weak I am and how I need to depend on Him. I remember 2 or 3 weeks before the competition, everyone was catching up and I was lacking behind. I remember how my trainer was frowning trying to think of ways to make me as good as them. I remember how my team mates kept on practicing with me trying to make sure I'm the same level as them.
Of course, there was lots of tears involved. I remember the first time I broke down because of dancing. I remember it was Chooi Lin's birthday. I remember how I was very disappointed with myself for not being able to catch up. The moment I entered the room, I started crying. The second time was the day I started having cramps. I remember it was the same day as the physio treasure hunt meeting. I remember how I endured the pain since evening. After the creative dance around 10 something, I went on doing the traditional dance in front of a fifth year senior. With the pain after the dance and her comments on me, I couldn't help but broke down. The third time was during the practice with Ana helping me. I couldn't help but feeling disappointed with myself again and I broke down once again.
I was weak and I couldn't stop praying. The thought of quiting came to me but I couldn't bear to leave them cleaning up the mess that I'd made. A week before the competition, everything seemed bleak. I screwed up the showcase as well. I improved a little but still far from them and all I could do is to pray even thought it really seemed impossible. I even started to wonder. But thanks to His unfailing love, I made it. I remember a day before the competition when my trainer told me that he no longer noticed me when I dance since I was finally the same level as them. I got a shock since I didn't notice any difference. Seeing the smile on both Abang Din and Abang Zerul face and the claps that I got from my team mates, I couldn't help but smile and thanking God for everything.
It was a week when I really feel Him holding my hands and make things which seemed impossible possible. I always have stage fright and I thought I would freak out on stage especially a big stage like DTC with lots of people watching us. Sarah, Marcella and I never forget to hold hands and prayed before going on the stage. The moment I was on stage, surprisingly, I was transformed into another world and I felt myself living in the music, swaying along with the music, smiling along when dancing and all the right moods were there. After the dance, I couldn't help and but to thanks Him once again for everything.
Creative dance was the most emotional one. Our trainer told us that this dance is very personal to him because this is the first time he's doing the dance based on his ethnic group. It's something that he has never tried before and it's something that he was afraid to do so. I remember everyone in a circle with our eyes closed. When he started to cry, we cried too. All of us. It made us even more determined to do our best. When everything was over, our trainer came to us and thanked us for making the dance wonderful. Though we only got 5th, but he was satisfied.
The next day before going to cg, I made a mistake of switching on the laptop and facebooking. I saw my trainer's status on how he's proud of us. I saw my team mates' status and all the memories just flooded through my mind. This time, I couldn't stop crying. All the memories just came to me and I realised how much I miss it. When I went to cg, during the praise and worship, I thought of how God had helped me a lot throughout the week and I couldn't stop crying again. It was really paiseh, I know, but I just couldn't help it. Qin Zhi's sharing was also very touching because it was something that I went through that week and it really spoke right through my heart. All you need to do is to open your heart and pray and somehow even though things seem impossible, it'll always work out at the end. Thank goodness my mood was elevated after the ice breaking session so the tears didn't drop once again. If not, I can't imagine myself crying while he's sharing...
All praises to Him. Without Him providing me the strength and guidance, I couldn't have made it. Applause to Him and all thanks to Him. Thanks for never letting me go. Thanks :)
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Again...
Maybe I should just seal my mouth and don't speak at all. Funny how all the wrong words always come out at the very wrong time and to the wrong person... And all I can do now is pretend that nothing has happened, which I hope will not be too difficult...
The competition is next week. For these past few days, I'd been falling asleep on the table while studying without me realising it. I'm really feeling guilty since I'm lacking behind and I seriously need a lot of catching up. People have been telling me not to worry and not to stress myself out since they think I can manage through but I have no confident. Sleeping at 1 something makes me feel really guilty and I no longer feel happy and smile.
Cfcs report, titas assignment, anatomy prosection and sdl, physiology and biochem... I just pray that I'll be able to manage thorugh it. After the dance competition, I'm definitely spending my hours reading and reading and reading. No more succumbing to the sleeping bug. Hopefully I can stick to this.
Anyway...
A question was presented to me and I didn't know how to answer. It's something that I force it to a corner of my brain and it's something that I refuse to think about. All I can say is that I'm afraid of hurt and I'm still placing my heart under lock and key. Though I don't know what will happen next, I'm praying that He will guide me through it. All I can do now is just relax and stop thinking too much.
I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
The competition is next week. For these past few days, I'd been falling asleep on the table while studying without me realising it. I'm really feeling guilty since I'm lacking behind and I seriously need a lot of catching up. People have been telling me not to worry and not to stress myself out since they think I can manage through but I have no confident. Sleeping at 1 something makes me feel really guilty and I no longer feel happy and smile.
Cfcs report, titas assignment, anatomy prosection and sdl, physiology and biochem... I just pray that I'll be able to manage thorugh it. After the dance competition, I'm definitely spending my hours reading and reading and reading. No more succumbing to the sleeping bug. Hopefully I can stick to this.
Anyway...
A question was presented to me and I didn't know how to answer. It's something that I force it to a corner of my brain and it's something that I refuse to think about. All I can say is that I'm afraid of hurt and I'm still placing my heart under lock and key. Though I don't know what will happen next, I'm praying that He will guide me through it. All I can do now is just relax and stop thinking too much.
I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Fly Me to The Moon...
No thanks to Winnie, this song is going on in my head for the past few weeks especially this week (for no apparent reason). Anyway...
I feel like a fool today. Not once but twice. First, for doing the thing that I'm supposed to do. Second, for using the wrong word. In time like this, I guess these are the options that I have:
1. Take a piece of paper. Next, take a marker pen. Then, write the word 'FOOL' on it. Last, stick it on my forehead.
2. Find a tall building and jump from it.
3. Find a hole and hide myself.
4. Just smile and pretend that nothing has happened.
5. My favourite. Fly me to the moon and let me hide among the stars. (I'm sure I'm small enough to do so.)
Being a 'wise' one, I'm going for the 4th option. *Putting on a smiley face now* For once, I really hope there's somebody who can truly understand why I am upset and lend me a shoulder to cry on. But, I know, at the end of the day, no matter what happened, He's always there for me. Thanks :)
I feel like a fool today. Not once but twice. First, for doing the thing that I'm supposed to do. Second, for using the wrong word. In time like this, I guess these are the options that I have:
1. Take a piece of paper. Next, take a marker pen. Then, write the word 'FOOL' on it. Last, stick it on my forehead.
2. Find a tall building and jump from it.
3. Find a hole and hide myself.
4. Just smile and pretend that nothing has happened.
5. My favourite. Fly me to the moon and let me hide among the stars. (I'm sure I'm small enough to do so.)
Being a 'wise' one, I'm going for the 4th option. *Putting on a smiley face now* For once, I really hope there's somebody who can truly understand why I am upset and lend me a shoulder to cry on. But, I know, at the end of the day, no matter what happened, He's always there for me. Thanks :)
Friday, February 26, 2010
Fear...
I have been feeling this for a while now and somehow, I can't seem to shake it off me.
I don't know what to do. Maybe I haven't done my very best and haven't given all in. Dancing is not easy for me. Especially when it comes to Malay traditional dance which all the small details count. You have to bend low so as to make your bottom stand out. You have to swing your hands and your head gracefully. Everybody must bend so everyone looks equally tall. Even all the movements have to be very synchronised.
I missed one very important practice where the trainer polished our movements. After that night, everyone improved a lot. Since I wasn't there, I really felt left out. I'd tried to catch up but it's hard.
Now, with the competition just 3 weeks ahead, I'm feeling the fear even more and guilt is lingering around. All of them are good. I don't want to be part of the reason that cause us not to get any placing. My trainer is worried and I'm feeling bad. Every time when it comes to training for tarian asli, I'll feel the stress...
I really need to make a point to practice well. Plus, studying for at least 4 hours per day even if it means that I need to sleep at 3 or 4 am everyday. I don't want to fail my exam :( Just pray that I can manage all these...
P.S. Something happened this morning and I just can't stop thinking about it. I know I look like a very serious girl but the last thing that I want is a friend who thinks that I am indeed a serious girl. The you-can't-joke-with girl, the very-easily-offended girl, the no-fun girl. Honestly, I don't mind people teasing me as long as I know that they are just joking. 2 of my very close guy friends LOVE to tease me *cough* Saren and Daniel *cough* and they actually make me laugh :) No matter what, they are there when I need any advices or helps or friend. (: Chu Yee also likes to tease me but the bond between us is still strong. My evil twin, Ana seems to be born to tease me and sometimes, Ruth joins in as well but the twin thingy is still going on.
Sorry for making you feel bad. I didn't know that you actually think that I was offended. I didn't mean it. Sorry :(
I don't know what to do. Maybe I haven't done my very best and haven't given all in. Dancing is not easy for me. Especially when it comes to Malay traditional dance which all the small details count. You have to bend low so as to make your bottom stand out. You have to swing your hands and your head gracefully. Everybody must bend so everyone looks equally tall. Even all the movements have to be very synchronised.
I missed one very important practice where the trainer polished our movements. After that night, everyone improved a lot. Since I wasn't there, I really felt left out. I'd tried to catch up but it's hard.
Now, with the competition just 3 weeks ahead, I'm feeling the fear even more and guilt is lingering around. All of them are good. I don't want to be part of the reason that cause us not to get any placing. My trainer is worried and I'm feeling bad. Every time when it comes to training for tarian asli, I'll feel the stress...
I really need to make a point to practice well. Plus, studying for at least 4 hours per day even if it means that I need to sleep at 3 or 4 am everyday. I don't want to fail my exam :( Just pray that I can manage all these...
P.S. Something happened this morning and I just can't stop thinking about it. I know I look like a very serious girl but the last thing that I want is a friend who thinks that I am indeed a serious girl. The you-can't-joke-with girl, the very-easily-offended girl, the no-fun girl. Honestly, I don't mind people teasing me as long as I know that they are just joking. 2 of my very close guy friends LOVE to tease me *cough* Saren and Daniel *cough* and they actually make me laugh :) No matter what, they are there when I need any advices or helps or friend. (: Chu Yee also likes to tease me but the bond between us is still strong. My evil twin, Ana seems to be born to tease me and sometimes, Ruth joins in as well but the twin thingy is still going on.
Sorry for making you feel bad. I didn't know that you actually think that I was offended. I didn't mean it. Sorry :(
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Passion...
Last Thursday, there was a motivation talk. As a goody good girl (sigh...) who never fails to attend every single class, I dragged myself to the talk. And guess what, I'm rather glad that I did so.
The talk was amazing. Instead of lengthy speech of how you should this or that or this or that, videos were shown and they were amazing especially the one on Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy. We saw how the children were so determined to get into the academy. We saw how they said 'I CAN get in!' instead of 'I MAY get in.' We saw how they struggled at a young age and yet their love towards education never died off. Just a look in their eyes and one could see a big flame of passion burning in them. Nothing could stop them and nothing could put off the flame in them.
To think of myself, the flame is still burning in me but the lazy bugs are surrounding it and sadly to say, I succumb to them too much. I love what I'm doing now, I love being a medical student, I love studying medicine. It's been everything that I wish for and now that I got it, I start to slack a bit. Guilt is haunting me everyday especially after result is out. I'm starting to not believe in myself especially knowing that I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are way smarter than me. The confidence in exam that I used to have is gone. The confidence in study that I used to have is also gone. I feel insecure day by day and I'm terrified of the thought of failing my exam. I'm starting to blame dancing for everything though knowing that it's not that. It's just ME.
Now, no more lazy bugs. I want that passion and I know I have it in me. I want to try my very best and be the hardworking girl that I used to be. I want to gain back my confidence. I want to pass my exam. Most of all, I want to graduate with a MBBS degree and embark on a lifelong journey dealing with people. I don't know what to expect but I know He'll be there to watch over me and guide me. Thank You Lord for everything :)
The talk was amazing. Instead of lengthy speech of how you should this or that or this or that, videos were shown and they were amazing especially the one on Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy. We saw how the children were so determined to get into the academy. We saw how they said 'I CAN get in!' instead of 'I MAY get in.' We saw how they struggled at a young age and yet their love towards education never died off. Just a look in their eyes and one could see a big flame of passion burning in them. Nothing could stop them and nothing could put off the flame in them.
To think of myself, the flame is still burning in me but the lazy bugs are surrounding it and sadly to say, I succumb to them too much. I love what I'm doing now, I love being a medical student, I love studying medicine. It's been everything that I wish for and now that I got it, I start to slack a bit. Guilt is haunting me everyday especially after result is out. I'm starting to not believe in myself especially knowing that I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are way smarter than me. The confidence in exam that I used to have is gone. The confidence in study that I used to have is also gone. I feel insecure day by day and I'm terrified of the thought of failing my exam. I'm starting to blame dancing for everything though knowing that it's not that. It's just ME.
Now, no more lazy bugs. I want that passion and I know I have it in me. I want to try my very best and be the hardworking girl that I used to be. I want to gain back my confidence. I want to pass my exam. Most of all, I want to graduate with a MBBS degree and embark on a lifelong journey dealing with people. I don't know what to expect but I know He'll be there to watch over me and guide me. Thank You Lord for everything :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Me and My Books :)
Went book-shopping with Cheng Nee last Friday :) After all the tiring days and dances and late-night studying, I just couldn't wait to go out and get some books. Even the slight headache I experienced didn't have the ability to stop me from heading to bookxcess. :P
The moment I set my eyes on all the books, all my troubles just seemed so far away. And for once in a week or two time, I felt happy and I couldn't stop smiling like a little girl who is deeply in love. Since I'm still single, I can announce without guilt that book is my first and current love :D
Oh wait, I think I sound like a bimbo =.=" Nevertheless, I went round and round and round the shop for more than an hour and in the end, I settled with 10 books. All these (plus one of Cheng Nee's book) cost me RM150++. Hmmm... Not bad...
Thanks Cheng Nee for accompanying me :) Will treat you one of my favourite chocolate cake once I get my hand on it :)
Am heading to Kajang this Friday, which means tomorrow, which also means bye bye home :(
Am going book-shopping this Saturday again!!! Can't wait. I got a long list of books to buy. :P
Am attending my cousin's wedding dinner in Kajang this Saturday night.
Am attending my cousin's wedding ceremony on Sunday morning.
Then, I'm bidding farewell to Kajang and back to UM after the wedding ceremony :(
Current mode: Study. Can't afford and don't want to fail my quiz...
The moment I set my eyes on all the books, all my troubles just seemed so far away. And for once in a week or two time, I felt happy and I couldn't stop smiling like a little girl who is deeply in love. Since I'm still single, I can announce without guilt that book is my first and current love :D
Oh wait, I think I sound like a bimbo =.=" Nevertheless, I went round and round and round the shop for more than an hour and in the end, I settled with 10 books. All these (plus one of Cheng Nee's book) cost me RM150++. Hmmm... Not bad...
Thanks Cheng Nee for accompanying me :) Will treat you one of my favourite chocolate cake once I get my hand on it :)
Am heading to Kajang this Friday, which means tomorrow, which also means bye bye home :(
Am going book-shopping this Saturday again!!! Can't wait. I got a long list of books to buy. :P
Am attending my cousin's wedding dinner in Kajang this Saturday night.
Am attending my cousin's wedding ceremony on Sunday morning.
Then, I'm bidding farewell to Kajang and back to UM after the wedding ceremony :(
Current mode: Study. Can't afford and don't want to fail my quiz...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Lost and Found...
Have you ever been stranded in a place for 5 hours? Have you ever been so close to getting something but you missed it in a fraction of time?
That was what happened to me this morning. Due to some miscommunication, I thought I was supposed to wait at the hospital bus stop. Because of that, I kept on waiting for my friend even though the bus and taxis came. I never stopped waiting. About 35 minutes before departure time, I called up my friend then only I realised I was supposed to wait at KL Central. I rushed and rushed and rushed and by the time I reached there, the train just left the station. If only I reached there a few more seconds earlier...
The disappoinment was too great. I ran inside the washroom and cried there. I was so close to home yet I missed it. I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I called my mum and told her about it.
After I calmed myself down, I went out and bought the afternoon ticket back. Then I sat at the departure hall and started counting down the time. Constanzo was wide opened on my lap but I couldn't pay much attention to it. Most of time, I would be staring at a spot and lost in my own thought. Then I brought myself back out of the dreamland and focus on Costanzo. But it's harder than I thought. I was really lost at that time.
I was so tired and it became worst after I cried. Throughout that 5 hours, I was struggling to stay awake. Each time that my eyes were going to close, I'd take out the earphone and listen to music. At that moment, I really wished somebody was there with me so that I can rest without worries. But it was really too much to wish for. So I kept on forcing my eyes to stay wide.
Finally, 2 pm came and the train reached on time and finally, I could take a short nap. Thank goodness I'm a light sleeper (didn't realise that till Ruth told me). If not, I would have to force myself to stay awake again so that I won't miss Tampin station.
Home. At last I reached here at 4.20 pm. This is the first time that the train arrived early. Thank God for it. All this while I'd taken granted of it but not now. I'm going to appreciate every moment that I can spend here and come back more often. To those who have the luxury to go back often, do appreciate it. It's the place that you can run to in times of trouble. It's the place that will welcome you with open arms though you feel like everyone is against you. It's the place that you'll feel safe even though you're living in a dangerous world. It's the only space that will not reject you.
Home sweet home :)
That was what happened to me this morning. Due to some miscommunication, I thought I was supposed to wait at the hospital bus stop. Because of that, I kept on waiting for my friend even though the bus and taxis came. I never stopped waiting. About 35 minutes before departure time, I called up my friend then only I realised I was supposed to wait at KL Central. I rushed and rushed and rushed and by the time I reached there, the train just left the station. If only I reached there a few more seconds earlier...
The disappoinment was too great. I ran inside the washroom and cried there. I was so close to home yet I missed it. I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I called my mum and told her about it.
After I calmed myself down, I went out and bought the afternoon ticket back. Then I sat at the departure hall and started counting down the time. Constanzo was wide opened on my lap but I couldn't pay much attention to it. Most of time, I would be staring at a spot and lost in my own thought. Then I brought myself back out of the dreamland and focus on Costanzo. But it's harder than I thought. I was really lost at that time.
I was so tired and it became worst after I cried. Throughout that 5 hours, I was struggling to stay awake. Each time that my eyes were going to close, I'd take out the earphone and listen to music. At that moment, I really wished somebody was there with me so that I can rest without worries. But it was really too much to wish for. So I kept on forcing my eyes to stay wide.
Finally, 2 pm came and the train reached on time and finally, I could take a short nap. Thank goodness I'm a light sleeper (didn't realise that till Ruth told me). If not, I would have to force myself to stay awake again so that I won't miss Tampin station.
Home. At last I reached here at 4.20 pm. This is the first time that the train arrived early. Thank God for it. All this while I'd taken granted of it but not now. I'm going to appreciate every moment that I can spend here and come back more often. To those who have the luxury to go back often, do appreciate it. It's the place that you can run to in times of trouble. It's the place that will welcome you with open arms though you feel like everyone is against you. It's the place that you'll feel safe even though you're living in a dangerous world. It's the only space that will not reject you.
Home sweet home :)
Friday, January 22, 2010
1 More Day to Home...
It's 3.14 am and I still can't sleep though my head is pounding slightly. Guess it's the fact that I'd slept from 7 pm till 1am...
Post-MPIS exhaustion? Maybe. Or can I blame it on the hormones which go haywire every once in a month? And the loss of some iron which reduces oxygen carrying capacity? Hmmm...
For the first time in my life, I almost fainted and thank goodness I had the sense to admit that I didn't have the ability and the strength to continue practicing the dance for today.
My battery level is going down down and down and the emergency alarm is going to ring soon. I just can't wait to get home to recharge myself.
There's just no place like home :)
Post-MPIS exhaustion? Maybe. Or can I blame it on the hormones which go haywire every once in a month? And the loss of some iron which reduces oxygen carrying capacity? Hmmm...
For the first time in my life, I almost fainted and thank goodness I had the sense to admit that I didn't have the ability and the strength to continue practicing the dance for today.
My battery level is going down down and down and the emergency alarm is going to ring soon. I just can't wait to get home to recharge myself.
There's just no place like home :)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Home...
I'm really starting to miss home...
My mum stopped by this afternoon and I'd been looking forward for it. But guess what? The gate that my mum normally used was locked and she couldn't get in. There's still another way but I can't afford her to walk all the way up just to pass me some stuffs so I had to meet her with a locked gate in between us. She passed me the things and she left. At that moment, I really wanted to cry and the thought of home really hit me.
Normally, I would get a hug before she left but because of the locked gate, I couldn't. Normally, I would get to talk to her more but because of the locked gate, I couldn't since I can't expect her to stand there for a long time. I was planning to show her the cheongsam I bought but I couldn't. With the locked gate, I feel like I'm in a big prison and I'm locked away from the one thing which is really important to me.
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
My mum stopped by this afternoon and I'd been looking forward for it. But guess what? The gate that my mum normally used was locked and she couldn't get in. There's still another way but I can't afford her to walk all the way up just to pass me some stuffs so I had to meet her with a locked gate in between us. She passed me the things and she left. At that moment, I really wanted to cry and the thought of home really hit me.
Normally, I would get a hug before she left but because of the locked gate, I couldn't. Normally, I would get to talk to her more but because of the locked gate, I couldn't since I can't expect her to stand there for a long time. I was planning to show her the cheongsam I bought but I couldn't. With the locked gate, I feel like I'm in a big prison and I'm locked away from the one thing which is really important to me.
A few more days to go before the holiday. I'm counting down every minutes. Last time, I used to laugh at my friend for calling her mum everyday. Now, I'm the girl who has to call her mum everyday. It has been going since study week and Zura, sorry for laughing at you although you didn't know that I was laughing at you. I didn't know how important it is till now.
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tired...
It has been a tiring month. 2 shows which I have to perform. 3 dances going on in my head. Another dance coming very very very soon. In fact, we are starting to practice stretching for the another dance. My legs are tired now, my mind is also exhausted. All these lead to weight-losing (dancing is indeed a very good exercise) which is one of the only consolation that I can be happy of.
I'm rather tempted to say that I am very very very busy and I have a very hectic schedule but somehow, I know it's really wrong to say that. Yes, everyday I got class till 4.30 pm. Then dance practice at night. Now with the mpis coming up, I got dance practice in the evening and mpis rehearsal at night. And the rehearsal is rather frustrating. For a 5 minutes dance, I'd normally wait for hours before the people actually come and start the rehearsal. Sigh... For 2 days, Ruth, Ana and I went to Secret Recipe and stayed there to study until 4 am. The downside - tired and sleepy during lecture.
Many times, I really want to say that I'm busy so that I can get away with everything. The thing is, I was the one who got myself involved in these. I volunteered to be involved in these. Nobody forced me to do so. When I looked around my course mates, some are involved in more things than I do. Despite this, they still managed their activities well and at the same time, getting good result. I have to admit that I really do admire them for being so multi-talented and all. Besides, it's not like I'm not having fun at all. Dancing is really fun though I'm still a slow learner. So what if I'm dancing tarian asli and inang and learning zapin at the same time? I enjoy myself very much and don't try to look at me with that kind of look. So what if I'm a Chinese? There's nothing wrong with me learning other races culture and I can tell you one thing - the Malay dances are very graceful :)
No more using busy as an excuse, I ask for the responsibilities and I'm doing all I could to manage everything properly without putting my study aside. Ya, I'm rather worried about my studies but I just pray that I'll manage it. Now, any time when I'm free, if I'm not sleeping due to exhaustion, I'll be studying. Waiting for my second quiz and see how I'll score. Just hope it won't be too bad (crossing my fingers) And I'm really thankful to God who has been looking out for me and giving me the strength and comfort when I need them. Thank You :)
P.S. Passed by the hospital after dapao-ing from Secret Recipe and I saw 2 hospital people pushing a bed with the blanket covering it. Then I saw some people following it while crying. It kind of just hit me that life is short. There's no way to know when you're leaving this earth. All I want to do now is to life it to the fullest, explore many things that I wanted to but didn't have the time (like dancing and sports), serve Him while I'm here and still manage to pass my exam in 5 years time so that I can really fulfill my dream despite knowing the hardship of being a doctor.
I'm rather tempted to say that I am very very very busy and I have a very hectic schedule but somehow, I know it's really wrong to say that. Yes, everyday I got class till 4.30 pm. Then dance practice at night. Now with the mpis coming up, I got dance practice in the evening and mpis rehearsal at night. And the rehearsal is rather frustrating. For a 5 minutes dance, I'd normally wait for hours before the people actually come and start the rehearsal. Sigh... For 2 days, Ruth, Ana and I went to Secret Recipe and stayed there to study until 4 am. The downside - tired and sleepy during lecture.
Many times, I really want to say that I'm busy so that I can get away with everything. The thing is, I was the one who got myself involved in these. I volunteered to be involved in these. Nobody forced me to do so. When I looked around my course mates, some are involved in more things than I do. Despite this, they still managed their activities well and at the same time, getting good result. I have to admit that I really do admire them for being so multi-talented and all. Besides, it's not like I'm not having fun at all. Dancing is really fun though I'm still a slow learner. So what if I'm dancing tarian asli and inang and learning zapin at the same time? I enjoy myself very much and don't try to look at me with that kind of look. So what if I'm a Chinese? There's nothing wrong with me learning other races culture and I can tell you one thing - the Malay dances are very graceful :)
No more using busy as an excuse, I ask for the responsibilities and I'm doing all I could to manage everything properly without putting my study aside. Ya, I'm rather worried about my studies but I just pray that I'll manage it. Now, any time when I'm free, if I'm not sleeping due to exhaustion, I'll be studying. Waiting for my second quiz and see how I'll score. Just hope it won't be too bad (crossing my fingers) And I'm really thankful to God who has been looking out for me and giving me the strength and comfort when I need them. Thank You :)
P.S. Passed by the hospital after dapao-ing from Secret Recipe and I saw 2 hospital people pushing a bed with the blanket covering it. Then I saw some people following it while crying. It kind of just hit me that life is short. There's no way to know when you're leaving this earth. All I want to do now is to life it to the fullest, explore many things that I wanted to but didn't have the time (like dancing and sports), serve Him while I'm here and still manage to pass my exam in 5 years time so that I can really fulfill my dream despite knowing the hardship of being a doctor.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Firsts :)
On the first day of 2010, I got an sms from my mum. I replied her, packed my bag and off I went to Kajang to have dinner with my family. And I guess that's a pretty good start to a brand new year.
Since it's the first post of a brand new year, let me think of some firsts that I came across in this new year...
1. Had jelly cake for my sis and grandfather's birthdays. It's so delicious especially the chocolate one!!! Maybe I should make a change and ask for a jelly cake for my birthday :P
2. Had jelly cake for breakfast. Did I mention that it's really nice???
3. Was called old by a small kid aka my little cousin :(
4. My relatives actually said I'm thinner than my sis :) (Only a bit but at least I'm losing weight instead of gaining.)
5. My mum said my sis and I cannot study together since we won't stop talking. Normally, my mom will separate us since we couldn't stop quarrelling. I guess both of us are really growing up and becoming 2 matured girls. Yeah for us :)
6. My mum asked me to pass my exam and my sis to get As in her exam. Normally, it's the other way round...
7. My dad said pizza is fattening. Normally he would bring us there if we want to go...
Was in the room with my mom and sis yesterday night. With books in my sis and my hands, all 3 of us were talking. I guess it's the first time we are doing this since I entered matriculation. My mum mentioned that she's now quite easily irritated by noises since she's really getting used to the very quiet house after my sis and I left the house. Sigh... It's really great just sitting there and talking about stuffs although we ended up didn't study much. And to think about it, it's been a long time since all 4 of us are under the same roof. Sigh...
Can't wait to meet Saren's girlfriend. Can't wait for holiday (so that I can catch up with my studies and if possible, my dear old friends back in Tampin). To quote one of the character in the Christmas play, Michelle: ' Oh, I just can't wait!!!' :)
Since it's the first post of a brand new year, let me think of some firsts that I came across in this new year...
1. Had jelly cake for my sis and grandfather's birthdays. It's so delicious especially the chocolate one!!! Maybe I should make a change and ask for a jelly cake for my birthday :P
2. Had jelly cake for breakfast. Did I mention that it's really nice???
3. Was called old by a small kid aka my little cousin :(
4. My relatives actually said I'm thinner than my sis :) (Only a bit but at least I'm losing weight instead of gaining.)
5. My mum said my sis and I cannot study together since we won't stop talking. Normally, my mom will separate us since we couldn't stop quarrelling. I guess both of us are really growing up and becoming 2 matured girls. Yeah for us :)
6. My mum asked me to pass my exam and my sis to get As in her exam. Normally, it's the other way round...
7. My dad said pizza is fattening. Normally he would bring us there if we want to go...
Was in the room with my mom and sis yesterday night. With books in my sis and my hands, all 3 of us were talking. I guess it's the first time we are doing this since I entered matriculation. My mum mentioned that she's now quite easily irritated by noises since she's really getting used to the very quiet house after my sis and I left the house. Sigh... It's really great just sitting there and talking about stuffs although we ended up didn't study much. And to think about it, it's been a long time since all 4 of us are under the same roof. Sigh...
Can't wait to meet Saren's girlfriend. Can't wait for holiday (so that I can catch up with my studies and if possible, my dear old friends back in Tampin). To quote one of the character in the Christmas play, Michelle: ' Oh, I just can't wait!!!' :)
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