Books!!!

I can't help but to post this. Hehe :P


I heart bookxcess for all the great books :)

It has been a long long long time since I last took photos of the bulk of books I bought (normally from bookxcess). But thanks to Shelfari, I am able to keep track of the books in my mini-library :)

So starting from now on, I'll remember to take photos. And it just makes me happy to see the books :) I'm such a great bookworm :D

One thing about being a medical student. I need to munch and digest all the pathology, parasitology, medical microbiology and pharmacology notes and books until I got no time to read :(

So many books, so little time to read :(

Mood Score :)

It's hard to pin point a value for I myself also don't know what's the score.

Now, there're waves of calmness in me. Looking back at the previous posts, I realised I was really troubled by the events happening.

For the past few days, the words of God had been really helpful to me. People asked me to just cry and let everything out but I managed to find all the excuses of not to do so. Too busy, must concentrate, must study, need more rest, don't want to wake up with panda bengkak eyes...

Now I found the most perfect way to feel happy. Just pray and put all my troubles away. It's great to know that He is always there for me, sharing my burden and take away my fear and sadness.

Thanks for listening to my prayers and thank You for always watching me. Though I am not worthy of it but thank You for your love. There's nothing greater that Your love :)

Mood score - Because of You, from low to high :)

Wall...

Attended a fantastic meeting today and it'd kept me thinking until now. Some of the things that the speaker said were like arrows directly pointing towards me and I could actually relate to so many emotions that I have had for all these while.

I guess I'm finally admitting that even after more than a year, there's still a rather thick wall surrounding me. I still haven't really felt like I'm a part of them and I still unconsciously distancing myself from them while wondering what's wrong with me.



It's just sad to see the wall around me even after a year has passed. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough ever since I'd been disappointed by people. I'd learned how to be invisible even if I'm surrounded by lots of people including those whom I'd acquainted with. But I still have a constant fear that people will just take my quietness as a part of me and leave me by myself.



After more than a year, maybe they have accepted the fact that I'm a quiet and passive one. The wall has grown thicker since then. Sometimes when I thought that there's a chance to break it, silence continued and the wall remained till today.



I want to see the wall disappear. I don't want to run away anymore just so that I won't feel left out. It's harder when every time I try to speak, all the sentences seem to disappear into thin air without leaving a single mark at all. I no longer know how to join in a group conversation anymore when all of the sentences will drown in the crowd and no one seems to hear a single thing. I'm at loss of what to do and the only way that I can think of is prayers.



Really pray that one day, the wall will collapse and for once, I can try to be myself.

Thanks for your love, dear God :)

p.s. This is really stupid but I really hope that Tuesday will not come at all :(