New year...

Tick tock, tick tock...

A few more hours later, we'll be bidding goodbye to 2009 and say hi to 2010. And I really can't help but to use the phrase that I'd been using quite frequently here - time really does fly.

Hmmm... What had I been doing for the past one year?

1. Started the year with the continuation of second semester of matriculation. After around 4 months, I finished my exam and was forced to say goodbye to the place where I became a more mature girl and had fun.

2. Had a strong feeling towards someone. After 2 months or so, the feeling just disappeared into the thin air and thank goodness it did.

3. After a month goyang kaki at home, result came out. It was time to get busy with university application. Pondering for a long time at the options, medicine was selected as my first choice.

4. After about 3 months of doing nothing at home, university application result came out. I got my first choice - a chance to study medicine and fulfill my dream in the oldest university in Malaysia, UM. Thank God for that :)

5. After a week of university's orientation, I was shocked to find out that there's really such a thing as orientation with our Chinese seniors. Ya, I read about it on a forum but I didn't know whether to believe or not. I didn't know what to expect as well. I was the target since I posted some comments on the forum under the name of 'green fish' and the name still stuck with me. But thank God too, I made through this rough month.

6. Found out that medicine is as difficult as what people had always said. And I need to study constantly. With all the smart people around me, I realised people back then had always been overestimating me. I failed my first quiz. Broke down. Stood up. And I managed to pass the next 2 quizzes.

7. Persuaded by Chu Yee to go to the dancing class. Ended up being a part of 6th college dancing team.

8. Study week forced its way through. I was so scared that all I wanted to do was to escape. And I did just that thing. With no companion, I went all the way to KL Central by myself, bought a ticket and went home. Parents were shocked but I was really lost that time. Found out much later that my friends who saw me that day could see that I was on the edge of breaking down. And they were so right - I almost cried out loud in KL Central while telling my mum that I'd bought the ticket and was waiting for the ride back home. After few peaceful days at home, I went back to college for study week.

9. Exam week came. For the first time in my life, I almost went blank during the exam. Thanks to Him, I managed to calm myself down. (Note to myself: Be more well prepared and be more confident with myself.) Then came the holiday.

10. Passed my exam. Promised myself that I'll work harder.

11. Being the director for the first time. Had a great time. Though I looked rather stressful but I was having fun. Seriously. (:

12. Went to watch movies for the first time. Not just one but 2 in a span of 1 week. Hehe :P

Hmmm...

New year resolution? Honestly, I'd never made any. Maybe I should start a list this year.

1. Smile more. STOP putting up the very serious face.

2. Make more friends.

3. Pass phase I exam.

4. Be a nicer girl.

5. Be more confident and cheerful.

6. Be more understanding.

7. Try to get to the airport when it's time for Saren to leave Malaysia.

8. Talk more.

9. Be more hardworking.

Most important, break the thick wall which I'd build around myself for many years. And ya, grow stronger in Him. (:

Happy new year to myself and all of you who are reading this :)

My first try :)

It all started with cg. It was just as usual then Eugene went on to talk about the Christmas Night. At the end of the meeting, I was asked to be the director of the Christmas play. No thanks to me who told Qin Zhi and Ben that I was once involved in drama back in secondary school.

Ya, I was kind of panic at first since being the director means I have to come out with the script and planning everything from the start to the end. Starting from that, no matter how my brain was almost saturated with all the different types of muscles and bones, a small part of my brain would still process all the info that I need for the play.

It's funny how the script was produced. In the beginning, I couldn't stop brainstorming for ideas but nothing seemed to come out. All I could think of was how Qin Zhi kept talking about the Grinch and acted as the Grinch. On one night, I was so exhausted that I slept at around 10 pm. Somehow, I woke up at 2 am in the morning. The moment I opened my eyes, all the ideas were swimming around my brain. I took a notebook and wrote down the story. Then during the first one-week holiday that I got, I wrote the script.

After the holiday, I showed the script to Ruth and Fiona. I got 2 nods. Then Qin Zhi asked me about it so I showed him the script. He gave me a rather different comment: 'It's more like a moral story.'

Then, it's time to find actors and actresses. Thank goodness I could find all 6 of them: Qin Zhi, Ben, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. And I even found some who volunteered to help me out: Leng Cheng, Winnie and Han Jun.

After the term 1 break, it was time to start the practices. Due to clashes, we had to do it at night at 11 pm. It's the same everyday, dancing practice in the evening, preparation at night, then drama practice. I didn't study much throughout that 2 weeks T.T

On the 21st, it was time for the show. Everything went on quite smoothly except for the first part where we couldn't find the small Christmas tree. Luckily, we found it under the big Christmas tree. Somehow, the drama was rather short. It seemed long during the practices. Sigh... Now, I must add a few more stuffs for the next performance for the college's Christmas night.

I received some compliments about the play and during the post-mortem, they said that overall it was ok. I guess it really did pay off and I have a huge satisfaction. A huge thanks to the actors and actresses, the citizens and the trees. And also Winnie for the props and all and Yen Hoong and Sarah for the makeups. Thanks :)

Merry Christmas, everyone and may God bless all of you.

P.S. Had been having a few mood swings lately and it kind of worsen after I found out that people are spreading rumours about me having a crush on this guy. It doesn't really bug me that much since it's not really true. I'm not that kind of girl who would allow myself to fall head to toes with a guy if he doesn't have any feelings towards me. Save me from all the heartbreak. Thanks to Ana, my 'twin', who accompanied me to Secret Recipe, listened and talked to me when the mood swing strike that day. Thanks :)

Thanks :)

Part A result is out after a long long LONG wait.

I passed!!!

Though it's not the best, but I'm still happy that I'm one of the 60+ who passed the exam.

I'll try harder for 2nd term.

Thank you Lord :)

To my friends who didn't manage to pass, don't give up. Sometimes people do fall, be strong and stand up again. All the best to you.

P.S. The Christmas play will be on the 21st. I just pray that everything will go well and I pray that with His help, I can come out with a nice closing for the play. This play is about Christmas and love and I'm going to talk about God's love towards us. Also pray for the actors and actresses: Qin Zhi, Benjamin, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. The citizens: Sara, Marcella and Leng Cheng. The trees: Andy, Chiun Kang, Jason, Lin Seong and Rui Ming. They'd been great throughout and I'm confident that they'll do their very best that night. Just pray that everything will go on smoothly :)

Sorry...

Why is it so hard for me to hide my feelings?

The moment I saw my result, I didn't know how to react. I guess I gave everyone the impression that I failed my test. I wanted to be happy that I passed but somehow I couldn't do it.

All this while, I'd been telling myself that it's not easy to pass and I'd be jumping out of joy if I do passed but after seeing my result, I went blank.

I wanted to pick up the phone and call my parents. Then I realised they are in Hong Kong and there's no way I can talk to them until they come back on the 21st.

I went back to my room and the tears just flowed out. Then my roomie and my friends came back. I tried to put on a strong face and pretend that I'm happy that I passed but I couldn't although I know that I should.

People said I have high expectation for myself. But all I want to do is to try my very best. After the 4 days exams, I realised I wasn't hardworking enough. I tried to keep my mouth shut but I couldn't. And I ended up with annoying those who are around me.

'Thou shalt not lie' Maybe I hold too strongly on this phrase and lying becomes something which is difficult for me to do. And it's even harder for me to hide my feelings for long.

Then, I annoyed people by crying when I once got 70+ for Add. Maths. Now I annoyed people by crying when I get a C for my part A exam. Why must it be so hard for me to control the tears? I'd made people angry with me and maybe caused some hatred due to this behaviour of mine. Why must I do it again?

I'm really sorry to my roomie and my friends who spend a lot of time with me. I'm sorry you guys have to put up with this behaviour of mine. I'm sorry that I annoyed you guys with this behaviour of mine. I'm sorry that I made you guys upset. I'm sorry. All I want to do now is to dig a hole and hide myself. I'm really disappointed with myself :(

Used-to-be...

Started the day by opening my very bengkak eyes. No thanks to the non-stop flowing tears for hours yesterday night while watching a series :( Then, Chu Yee, Cheng Nee and I headed straight to Mid Valley to catch The Princess and The Frog.

Since it's a Disney cartoon, the movie attracted quite a number of children. Throughout the movie, I heard the children talking and laughing. And I couldn't help but to smile. For a while, I did what I didn't like to do by stepping into the time-travel machine and went back to the past.

Back then, I was a girl who doesn't look like one. With an extremely short hair and funny features, people often thought that I was a boy. I didn't like it and I used to cry a lot after the trip to the hairdresser. I used to think that why can't I be as beautiful as my sis. I used to think that why can't I look as a sweet little girl like most of my female classmates. Then, I'd decided, since I can't look like one, I must act like one. I totally ignored the pants and shorts and only wore skirts. I paid attention when I came across articles or books or shows on etiquette. I didn't sit with my legs crossed and I still don't. I ate using fork and spoon even while eating chicken wing and I still do that. I'm only starting to wear pants and shorts since it's weird to walk around the college with skirt. After primary school, I'd never cut my hair above shoulder length. And now, some are saying that I'm like a little princess. After spending a year in matrik and now with all my coursemates, I'm starting to think that I'm a little bit too skema. I guess now I do understand how one's past can change a person...

Back then, I was the girl who never finished her homework. I'd wait and wait and wait and till the last minute, I would start to rush. But with the mountains of homework to be handed in everyday, it'd take a miracle to finish off at the last minute so I always ended up with blank pages on my books. Teachers were annoyed and I was labelled as the useless one, the hopeless one and twice, I got slapped by my teachers in front of everyone. Then I started to have horrible mood swings. I cried everyday in school, came back home and refused to talked with my parents. I could sit there and said nothing for days no matter how much my parents tried to make me to talk. How I ended up with all As is still a wonder to me... After leaving primary school, I was determined to change. And I did exactly the same thing. I never missed any homework and my result became better. By form 4 and 5, I was one of the top in my class. And now, I managed to enter UM despite the strong competitions among all the STPM and matriculation students. Though I never managed to figure out the exact reason of why I had the determination to change, but I never forget to thank God for everything :)

Back then, I was a naive girl. Very naive. And I got myself fooled a lot of times. After all the tears and all, I grew up and become less naive. Till now, Daniel's sms when he knew I was in matrik still makes me smile - 'Ooh, how our wittwe wawy gwew has gwown up'.

Back then, when I was a primary school girl, people often thought that I was a secondary school girl. When I was in secondary school, people thought that I was a primary school girl. Now as a first year university student, people think that I'm a form 1-3 girl. Haha... Oh well, at least I look younger than my age :P

Back then, I was a lost soul. Now I found Him. And that's the turning point in my life :)

Touched...

This is a poem that I found on Naveen's blog and from the moment I read it, I knew there's nothing that can stop me from posting it here.

When I Say

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow

Thank You for everything and truly, there is none like You :)

Wedding :)

For the first time in my life, I attended a Christian church wedding. And it was truly unforgettable.

The bride is Leng Cheng's friend whom she met when she was teaching at Pulau Ketam Secondary School. I was 'dragged' by Leng Cheng to the wedding ceremony. And I got to thank her for bringing me there. :D

It was held at a church in Klang. Can't remember the name though... For a girl who had never been to this kind of wedding, I was sitting inside the church looking forward for the ceremony. Unlike the normal Chinese wedding ceremony, it was held on time. Nono, not on time, 3 minutes before the planned time. For me, it was indeed a good start.

When the bride and her dad entered the church, all eyes were on her. She was beaming and so as the dad. All the small kids were cute in their white gown and small suits.



It began with praise and worship. Then prayers for the going-to-wed couple. I enjoyed the performance by the choir team. It was truly marvelous. Then the solo performance which also took my breath away.

Then, the moment which we had all been waiting for had arrived. The groom recited all he should say. The bride kind of forgot her lines but thankfully, the pastor was there and helped her with her lines. After that, it was the 'I Do' moment. That moment still makes me giggle even hours after the ceremony. :p

Leng Cheng and I noticed a guy from the groom's family which looks so like Timothy. And he was in charge of taking photos with the exact camera that Timothy uses. And the way he takes photo is also like him. We really had an impulse to take his photo and show it to Ruth but paiseh lah. Later people will think that we got a crush on him. Hehe :p

One thing which keeps on ringing in my head is the benevolent that the Reverend gave. A successful marriage requires one important aspect: Maturity. He said it's the easiest and also the most difficult to achieve. I got to agree with that. Even until now, I'm still not sure whether I'm matured enough to be somebody's girlfriend. I don't want to accept somebody just because everyone around me is in a relationship and I want to be a part of them. I want to be in a stable relationship with somebody who really respect and love me and also a responsible one. And so far, I haven't really fallen head to heels for a guy and ya, there's also the fact that guys really seldom notice me since I'm a little quiet. I guess that's the reason I'm still single. Aiyah, I'm 19 only, not 91. So I guess there's still time, right??? *shrug* Besides, I'm putting everything in His hand. I'm sure He has a plan for me. All I'm doing now is walking on the road that He had planned for me with His constant guidance. I'm really thankful for anything. No matter how life turns out to be, I know He will be there for me :)

Though I had to walk quite some distance with my wedges, I don't mind at all for the wedding was truly a sweet and memorable one :) Thanks Leng Cheng!

Birthday :)

Finally, I'm 19!!!
Oh, wait, should I be happy that I'm older? Hmmm... Oh well...
Should have started the day with a badminton game with my parents but I was too tired to wake up. Kind of slept at 5 am yesterday...
We went to Secret Recipe for my birthday dinner. Besides us, my grandma, my cousin and my aunt's family also joined us. Though 2 kiddos were fighting to blow the candles and cut the cake, it was truly an enjoyable night.
A shout out to my family, thanks for the great night :) And ya, to my friends, thanks for all the birthday wishes. I really appreciate and am really touched :)