Sigh...

In a not-so happy mood. More like depressed.

Sigh...

I don't know why but there're nagging thoughts in my mind: Do I have what it takes to be a doctor? Can I be a good doctor? Will I pass all my exams to be a doctor?

Sigh...

Am I on the right track???

A Friend In Need is A Friend Indeed :)

A dear friend of mine was admitted to the hospital this morning due to Grade 3 Acute Exudate Tonsillitis. Thank God she is doing fine but the inflammatory response was giving her a lot of pain and discomfort.

Seeing her feeling hungry but can't eat solid foods, seeing her in pain when she's drinking water and seeing the always bubbly girl using hands instead of mouth to communicate with us, I felt quite sad for her.

She had always been a good friend from the start. She was one of the few who saw something in me when I was almost a wallpaper among my batch mates. All these while, she had been encouraging me when I lost my confidence. When I did something wrong, she gave me advices which are honest yet not so painful to hear.

I still remember during my first dance competition, I was a little disappointed since no one came and supported. I tried to tell myself to get over it since all of them had choir practice and it's really a hassle to walk from college to the hall. After the competition, I received a sms from her telling me that it was an awesome show and I shouldn't look down on myself since I had done something which nobody would have the courage to do. I'd never thought that she would come. I was so touched, I almost cried on the spot.

Thank you so much for everything. May God bless you and pray that you will have a speedy recovery. Will keep you in my prayer :)

What I learned from Dance :)

Attended the Dance Showcase by the dance students from my uni. And I can honestly say that it's one of the most memorable nights to me.

Seeing the students dance with passion on the stage, even when they were nervous, lots of thoughts filled my mind. Every emotional could be felt, every energy was clearly displayed and most of all, the joy and the love they have for what they were doing were portrayed. Abang Din was so energetic and cute on stage!!! Salute him :)

The night was very different from the nights that I am used to. The laughter, the cheer, the applause and the colourful stage and costumes were a contrast with medical school life. Friends joked about wanting to change course but surprisingly, my heart said no. A firm no. No, I don't want to major in dance. My heart lies in Medicine and a doctor is what I want to be. Dancing is fun but it's just not the destination that I want to steer towards. It's one of the road that I would like to stroll on to de-stress and to have fun but not as the main one.

When I was asked what was Dance Showcase all about, I thought I could give a very wonderful answer but after searching my minds for suitable descriptions, all I could say was 'It's just like performing long case and short case, whereby they have to perform in front of audiences who like dance show and lecturers who will evaluate you while we have to perform in front of a patient who is sick and doctors who will evaluate us.'

A breathtaking dance may be done effortlessly and gracefully by the dancers on the stage but in order to reach that near-perfect level, the preparations and practices behind-the-scene were painstaking. Just like medicine, examining a patient may be done effortlessly and professionally by doctorts but in order to reach the level, the preparations and practices by the doctor standing in front of you were painstaking too. Cramping endless info into your brain, being psycho-ed by your fellow batch mates, dealing with difficult batch mates, being scolded by doctors, feeling useless after lecturers' comments... The road in medical field is a bumpy one so much so that simple compliments can make me feel like a little girl who had just given chocolate(no matter how small it is), the comfort back home which I'd taken granted is always longed for and all the wonderful things in life are very much appreciated now.

Seeing how strong is their passion and joy towards what they are doing, I was put to shame. Medicine is something that I'm passionate about. But after nearly 2 years of being subjected to the stress, my confidence towards my ability has decreased. Failing quizzes, not reaching my target during final, not able to answer questions even after I just finished reading so on and so forth, I feel stupid. Now, I do not want the passion to fade away. From the start, money and fame were never my goal. All I want to is to help and comfort. To take care of people and to provide support to the people just like how I want to if I'm sick and unwell.

I want to show my passion towards medicine just like how the dancers showed their passion towards dancing.

I want to show my love towards medicine just like how the dancers showed their joy towards dancing.

I want to be good in what I'm passionate about just like how the dancers could dance so well in the dance that they are passionate about.

Most of all, I hope I can put in the efforts to perfect my skills just like how the dancers put in all the efforts to perfect their dance.

Inspiration and motivation can come in many ways and I got mine on a colourful and lively night :) Just pray that it'll not fade away so soon. Pray that clinical year will agree with me. I'll thicken up my face to learn. Just pray that I'm on the right track :)

But do let me get through my second year without having to trip on a big stone :P

Am praying hard now :) I don't really have much confidence towards the coming conass. If I do pass, the glory is all Yours, Lord. If I don't, I know it's a lesson that You want me to learn. I'll try my best :)

Met up with Abang Din and Poh Gee lao shi yesterday night. So happy to see them :) And had a great supper session with fellow dancing mates after the showcase. Though we're staying in the same college, we seldom meet each other or have time to sit down and chat. Thanks for showing me that dance is fun and wonderful. I obtained not only joy from all these, I learned a lot more about life :) Thanks Lord for giving me this chance unexpectedly :)

The Apple...

This is a story of an apple which lives on a tree. It's not way up on top of the tree yet it's still not at the lowest bottom of the tree (at least it hopes so).

On the same tree, there lives lots of apples too. Red, juicy ones, green, sour ones, the just-nice ones, the big ones, the small ones... And of course, there are lots of branches too.

This apple lives at a particular part where there are lots of branches. Being on the tree for many years, it has gotten used of the branches and had learned how to look at its surrounding without letting the branches blocking its view. The branches are just too many and few will bother to look beyond them so this apple has always gone unnoticed. Of course, the apple was a little annoyed and disappointed at first but as time goes by, being invisible is something that it has mastered and it works well for the apple.

One year follows another, this apple has seen many fellows apples leaving the tree and went with the hands who picked them away. They went with joy. Some ended in loving hands who know the exact way of nurturing them and these apples ended up sweeter and better than before. Some got crushed and ended up being bitter. Some strong ones still remained the same or even better after the terrible weather they had been through. Some apples on the tree envy all the good apples and everyday, they long for a hand to take them away from this tree. Some of these place their faith in God's hands. Some are a little impatient and some are really desperate.

This apple remains neutral. It is happy for those sweet ones and sad for those who had to go through rough wind and heavy rain. Instead of dreaming for a good hand to come and find it, it prefers to stay still among the branches. Fellow apples asked 'why'. Passer-bys asked 'why'. Ya, why? Why make this weird decision? Doesn't the apple want happiness too?

The apple just smile. Why subject itself to uncertainties when it is contend with the way it is now? Why let people nurture it when it knows it is not an easy apple to nurture? Why gives itself so many hopes when the hopes can be crushed easily? There are too many apples better than it surrounding it so there's no point hoping. Hope is something great and the apple places all its hope into other things instead of a hand. At least, when it sees hands choosing their own apple, it won't get disappointed when the hands pick other better apples instead of it. Staying grounded is better since the apple won't start to think that there's a hand coming towards it when it's just some winds rustling. Besides, its surrounding are full of branches. No hands will want to ruin and hurting themselves by passing through all the branches.

Despite what the apple thinks, other apples deserve to be happy. Seeing other apples being nurtured well, it smiles and it is happy. Yes, the apple is truly happy with the way it is now. Besides, everything is in God's hands. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If it's not, it will not :)

THE END

Finish dreaming, now back to reality (books). I wonder how much I read will truly stick to my brain forever. Please stay in my brain, I need you all. Not only during exam but throughout my life in medical field. They are not just for exam purpose, my future patients (hopefully) need them more than I do. Praying hard now :)