From solid to liquid...

I told myself that I shall not and will not melt.

I melted today.

Damn it.

A Normal Day?

It was a quiet evening in Paeds ward.

Most kiddos were in the room, on their bed, eating, entertaining themselves or chit-chatting with parents.

Some children were in front of the tv, watching upin and ipin while laughing.

Nurses were filling in the charts while doctors were resting.

The 4 medical students were sitting around the desk, waiting for dr to come.

Then there was a slight commotion at the corridor. I turned to look, parents were crying with relatives around them. A pale child was just diagnosed with ALL.

This reminded me of my favourite book, Tuesday with Morrie.

When Morrie was told that he has ALS, he and his wife were in shocked. "When they left the hospital, the sun was shining and people were going about their business. Morrie was stunned by the normalcy of the day around him." I remember the lines very well: "Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?" "But the world did not stop, it took no notice at all."

Sometimes, it just strikes that the world does not evolve around you alone. No matter how happy or sad you are, the world still goes on. The earth does not stop spinning for you. Sometimes, it is best to stop your footsteps for a while and look around you. One will notice many things, good or bad and keep a grateful heart.

Will keep this child in my prayer.

PS: Saw a child who was diagnosed with congenital hypothyroidism during neonatal screening and was given thyroxine subsequently. He is now 3 years old, active and bright and as normal as other child. Don't know why but I can't stop smiling and being grateful for him :) A simple test and medication helps this child and prevent him from suffering from learning difficulties. Hope you will have a bright future :)

Last few days before final...

This is it.

The end of 4th year.

Starting with Paeds on Monday. With the new system, there'll only be just 4 of us in the ward/clinic/A&E/PICU/NICU and the scariest part, wardround.

It's scary but I'm quite sure I'll learn a lot and well.

Time to put up a tough appearance. No matter how you scold me, I'll not melt.

Go final year :)

To Say or Not to Say...

I may be very much frustrated with what is going but I might as well swallow everything. If I scream it out and loud, I'm just going to hurt the people around me or being despised by them. It's not like I have much chance to say anything also as people keep seeing me as a child.

I'll forget the frustrations soon enough.

Read this in the paper by the famous writer 张小娴. 

一直自以為是個喜怒形于色的人，我突然發現，我也是個喜歡把什么都憋在心裡的人。悲傷、憤怒、愛憎……統統都放在心裡不說出來。

　為什么要說呢？除非有一個懂你的人，你可以放心把憋在心裡的話跟他說，不必擔心他會誤會你，不用害怕他瞭解你的黑暗和軟弱之后會不愛你。可是，有時候，憋住憋住就忘了，就不想說了。

　這樣的人多么自虐？要是能夠做一個瘋子，無論有什么不高興和委屈，統統連珠炮發，寧願傷害別人，也不要憋在心裡折磨自己，這樣是不是會比較快樂？

　或者說，不憋在心裡，也不說出來，悲傷、憤怒、愛憎和我執，統統都丟開，明白生命不過是幻影，不要糾纏在這些微不足道的事情上。物來則應，過去不留。

　是的，應該是這樣。

Prevention...

"Prevention is always better than cure."

A good quote that does not apply only to medicine. Sigh...

陈奕迅－积木


感情從來就不聽話
從愛出發 卻通往複雜

Pain...

Gynae clinic:

Typical afternoon clinic with patients who came in for follow up. Patients all appeared comfortable, laughed with doctors and all were reassured. Then the last one came in. 

The moment I saw her, I knew something was not right. She looked so uncomfortable and appeared to be so much in pain. Just a short distance from the chair to the examination couch made her cringe. After lying down, she just laid there holding her stomach and tears were flowing from here eyes. I couldn't help but pat her shoulder lightly. 

After arranging for admission, doctor told us (the patient and the dr are both indians) that the patient came in the morning but Dr V was in antenatal clinic. She went to A&E many times and she was send off after i.m. painkillers. She was so frustrated with other doctors and subsequently went back home. In the afternoon, she came back just so she could meet with Dr V. 

Pity the lady. I can't help but to wonder what will I do if I were to see such a patient. I wonder what kind of doctor will I become. Hmmm...

Dr V: Next time, when you all work, please be hardworking. With so many doctors being produced, you all need to be the exceptionally good one. Haiyo...

I smiled like a typical medical student :)

PS: Now I know how painful adenomyosis can be. Pity...

PS: Saw a fetal heart beat on ultrasound today and all of a sudden, this tiny 8-week-old foetus seems so adorable to me :) Awww...

PS: Can someone chopped off my stomach for me? Epigastric pain exaggerated after meal and even milk. Dyspepsia? Sigh...

Independence...

To my fragile self:

Independence is important and essential. Without it, you're like a rubber ducky floating on a deep and wide ocean without any direction. Of course, there are fishes and dolphins and all sort of breath-taking creatures in the ocean. They swim around you, poke you for a while, smile at you but nothing stay forever. You're not food, you're without benefit, no one will stay with you forever. Why let yourself attach to something and then suffer a broken heart when it floats away from you? 

Independence is the only thing you have and need to survive here. Hold on to it. Don't ever let go of it no matter how strong is the temptation. 

Most importantly, take good care of yourself. Do not expect others to do it.

From your very-much-annoyed self.

P.S: The higher a person climbs, the higher the chance of the person forgetting what it's like to be at the bottom. When you scorn medical students of being very annoying, do not forget that you're once a medical student, wandering around, asking questions, trying to learn something. 

You vs Others...

When one is too engrossed in their own problems, he/she fails to see what is going on around them. 

One may think that they are the unfortunate one without realising that there are others who are in much deeper trouble than themselves. 

One may shout and grumble that they are suffering without knowing that there are people who are too ill or have lost the ability to even say that they are in pain. 

Just my thoughts after spending one whole night and witnessing shouting episodes in A&E green zone...