Lost and Found...

Have you ever been stranded in a place for 5 hours? Have you ever been so close to getting something but you missed it in a fraction of time?

That was what happened to me this morning. Due to some miscommunication, I thought I was supposed to wait at the hospital bus stop. Because of that, I kept on waiting for my friend even though the bus and taxis came. I never stopped waiting. About 35 minutes before departure time, I called up my friend then only I realised I was supposed to wait at KL Central. I rushed and rushed and rushed and by the time I reached there, the train just left the station. If only I reached there a few more seconds earlier...

The disappoinment was too great. I ran inside the washroom and cried there. I was so close to home yet I missed it. I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I called my mum and told her about it.

After I calmed myself down, I went out and bought the afternoon ticket back. Then I sat at the departure hall and started counting down the time. Constanzo was wide opened on my lap but I couldn't pay much attention to it. Most of time, I would be staring at a spot and lost in my own thought. Then I brought myself back out of the dreamland and focus on Costanzo. But it's harder than I thought. I was really lost at that time.

I was so tired and it became worst after I cried. Throughout that 5 hours, I was struggling to stay awake. Each time that my eyes were going to close, I'd take out the earphone and listen to music. At that moment, I really wished somebody was there with me so that I can rest without worries. But it was really too much to wish for. So I kept on forcing my eyes to stay wide.

Finally, 2 pm came and the train reached on time and finally, I could take a short nap. Thank goodness I'm a light sleeper (didn't realise that till Ruth told me). If not, I would have to force myself to stay awake again so that I won't miss Tampin station.

Home. At last I reached here at 4.20 pm. This is the first time that the train arrived early. Thank God for it. All this while I'd taken granted of it but not now. I'm going to appreciate every moment that I can spend here and come back more often. To those who have the luxury to go back often, do appreciate it. It's the place that you can run to in times of trouble. It's the place that will welcome you with open arms though you feel like everyone is against you. It's the place that you'll feel safe even though you're living in a dangerous world. It's the only space that will not reject you.

Home sweet home :)

1 More Day to Home...

It's 3.14 am and I still can't sleep though my head is pounding slightly. Guess it's the fact that I'd slept from 7 pm till 1am...

Post-MPIS exhaustion? Maybe. Or can I blame it on the hormones which go haywire every once in a month? And the loss of some iron which reduces oxygen carrying capacity? Hmmm...

For the first time in my life, I almost fainted and thank goodness I had the sense to admit that I didn't have the ability and the strength to continue practicing the dance for today.

My battery level is going down down and down and the emergency alarm is going to ring soon. I just can't wait to get home to recharge myself.

There's just no place like home :)

Home...

I'm really starting to miss home...

My mum stopped by this afternoon and I'd been looking forward for it. But guess what? The gate that my mum normally used was locked and she couldn't get in. There's still another way but I can't afford her to walk all the way up just to pass me some stuffs so I had to meet her with a locked gate in between us. She passed me the things and she left. At that moment, I really wanted to cry and the thought of home really hit me.

Normally, I would get a hug before she left but because of the locked gate, I couldn't. Normally, I would get to talk to her more but because of the locked gate, I couldn't since I can't expect her to stand there for a long time. I was planning to show her the cheongsam I bought but I couldn't. With the locked gate, I feel like I'm in a big prison and I'm locked away from the one thing which is really important to me.

A few more days to go before the holiday. I'm counting down every minutes. Last time, I used to laugh at my friend for calling her mum everyday. Now, I'm the girl who has to call her mum everyday. It has been going since study week and Zura, sorry for laughing at you although you didn't know that I was laughing at you. I didn't know how important it is till now.

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Tired...

It has been a tiring month. 2 shows which I have to perform. 3 dances going on in my head. Another dance coming very very very soon. In fact, we are starting to practice stretching for the another dance. My legs are tired now, my mind is also exhausted. All these lead to weight-losing (dancing is indeed a very good exercise) which is one of the only consolation that I can be happy of.

I'm rather tempted to say that I am very very very busy and I have a very hectic schedule but somehow, I know it's really wrong to say that. Yes, everyday I got class till 4.30 pm. Then dance practice at night. Now with the mpis coming up, I got dance practice in the evening and mpis rehearsal at night. And the rehearsal is rather frustrating. For a 5 minutes dance, I'd normally wait for hours before the people actually come and start the rehearsal. Sigh... For 2 days, Ruth, Ana and I went to Secret Recipe and stayed there to study until 4 am. The downside - tired and sleepy during lecture.

Many times, I really want to say that I'm busy so that I can get away with everything. The thing is, I was the one who got myself involved in these. I volunteered to be involved in these. Nobody forced me to do so. When I looked around my course mates, some are involved in more things than I do. Despite this, they still managed their activities well and at the same time, getting good result. I have to admit that I really do admire them for being so multi-talented and all. Besides, it's not like I'm not having fun at all. Dancing is really fun though I'm still a slow learner. So what if I'm dancing tarian asli and inang and learning zapin at the same time? I enjoy myself very much and don't try to look at me with that kind of look. So what if I'm a Chinese? There's nothing wrong with me learning other races culture and I can tell you one thing - the Malay dances are very graceful :)

No more using busy as an excuse, I ask for the responsibilities and I'm doing all I could to manage everything properly without putting my study aside. Ya, I'm rather worried about my studies but I just pray that I'll manage it. Now, any time when I'm free, if I'm not sleeping due to exhaustion, I'll be studying. Waiting for my second quiz and see how I'll score. Just hope it won't be too bad (crossing my fingers) And I'm really thankful to God who has been looking out for me and giving me the strength and comfort when I need them. Thank You :)

P.S. Passed by the hospital after dapao-ing from Secret Recipe and I saw 2 hospital people pushing a bed with the blanket covering it. Then I saw some people following it while crying. It kind of just hit me that life is short. There's no way to know when you're leaving this earth. All I want to do now is to life it to the fullest, explore many things that I wanted to but didn't have the time (like dancing and sports), serve Him while I'm here and still manage to pass my exam in 5 years time so that I can really fulfill my dream despite knowing the hardship of being a doctor.

Firsts :)

On the first day of 2010, I got an sms from my mum. I replied her, packed my bag and off I went to Kajang to have dinner with my family. And I guess that's a pretty good start to a brand new year.

Since it's the first post of a brand new year, let me think of some firsts that I came across in this new year...

1. Had jelly cake for my sis and grandfather's birthdays. It's so delicious especially the chocolate one!!! Maybe I should make a change and ask for a jelly cake for my birthday :P

2. Had jelly cake for breakfast. Did I mention that it's really nice???

3. Was called old by a small kid aka my little cousin :(

4. My relatives actually said I'm thinner than my sis :) (Only a bit but at least I'm losing weight instead of gaining.)

5. My mum said my sis and I cannot study together since we won't stop talking. Normally, my mom will separate us since we couldn't stop quarrelling. I guess both of us are really growing up and becoming 2 matured girls. Yeah for us :)

6. My mum asked me to pass my exam and my sis to get As in her exam. Normally, it's the other way round...

7. My dad said pizza is fattening. Normally he would bring us there if we want to go...

Was in the room with my mom and sis yesterday night. With books in my sis and my hands, all 3 of us were talking. I guess it's the first time we are doing this since I entered matriculation. My mum mentioned that she's now quite easily irritated by noises since she's really getting used to the very quiet house after my sis and I left the house. Sigh... It's really great just sitting there and talking about stuffs although we ended up didn't study much. And to think about it, it's been a long time since all 4 of us are under the same roof. Sigh...

Can't wait to meet Saren's girlfriend. Can't wait for holiday (so that I can catch up with my studies and if possible, my dear old friends back in Tampin). To quote one of the character in the Christmas play, Michelle: ' Oh, I just can't wait!!!' :)

New year...

Tick tock, tick tock...

A few more hours later, we'll be bidding goodbye to 2009 and say hi to 2010. And I really can't help but to use the phrase that I'd been using quite frequently here - time really does fly.

Hmmm... What had I been doing for the past one year?

1. Started the year with the continuation of second semester of matriculation. After around 4 months, I finished my exam and was forced to say goodbye to the place where I became a more mature girl and had fun.

2. Had a strong feeling towards someone. After 2 months or so, the feeling just disappeared into the thin air and thank goodness it did.

3. After a month goyang kaki at home, result came out. It was time to get busy with university application. Pondering for a long time at the options, medicine was selected as my first choice.

4. After about 3 months of doing nothing at home, university application result came out. I got my first choice - a chance to study medicine and fulfill my dream in the oldest university in Malaysia, UM. Thank God for that :)

5. After a week of university's orientation, I was shocked to find out that there's really such a thing as orientation with our Chinese seniors. Ya, I read about it on a forum but I didn't know whether to believe or not. I didn't know what to expect as well. I was the target since I posted some comments on the forum under the name of 'green fish' and the name still stuck with me. But thank God too, I made through this rough month.

6. Found out that medicine is as difficult as what people had always said. And I need to study constantly. With all the smart people around me, I realised people back then had always been overestimating me. I failed my first quiz. Broke down. Stood up. And I managed to pass the next 2 quizzes.

7. Persuaded by Chu Yee to go to the dancing class. Ended up being a part of 6th college dancing team.

8. Study week forced its way through. I was so scared that all I wanted to do was to escape. And I did just that thing. With no companion, I went all the way to KL Central by myself, bought a ticket and went home. Parents were shocked but I was really lost that time. Found out much later that my friends who saw me that day could see that I was on the edge of breaking down. And they were so right - I almost cried out loud in KL Central while telling my mum that I'd bought the ticket and was waiting for the ride back home. After few peaceful days at home, I went back to college for study week.

9. Exam week came. For the first time in my life, I almost went blank during the exam. Thanks to Him, I managed to calm myself down. (Note to myself: Be more well prepared and be more confident with myself.) Then came the holiday.

10. Passed my exam. Promised myself that I'll work harder.

11. Being the director for the first time. Had a great time. Though I looked rather stressful but I was having fun. Seriously. (:

12. Went to watch movies for the first time. Not just one but 2 in a span of 1 week. Hehe :P

Hmmm...

New year resolution? Honestly, I'd never made any. Maybe I should start a list this year.

1. Smile more. STOP putting up the very serious face.

2. Make more friends.

3. Pass phase I exam.

4. Be a nicer girl.

5. Be more confident and cheerful.

6. Be more understanding.

7. Try to get to the airport when it's time for Saren to leave Malaysia.

8. Talk more.

9. Be more hardworking.

Most important, break the thick wall which I'd build around myself for many years. And ya, grow stronger in Him. (:

Happy new year to myself and all of you who are reading this :)

My first try :)

It all started with cg. It was just as usual then Eugene went on to talk about the Christmas Night. At the end of the meeting, I was asked to be the director of the Christmas play. No thanks to me who told Qin Zhi and Ben that I was once involved in drama back in secondary school.

Ya, I was kind of panic at first since being the director means I have to come out with the script and planning everything from the start to the end. Starting from that, no matter how my brain was almost saturated with all the different types of muscles and bones, a small part of my brain would still process all the info that I need for the play.

It's funny how the script was produced. In the beginning, I couldn't stop brainstorming for ideas but nothing seemed to come out. All I could think of was how Qin Zhi kept talking about the Grinch and acted as the Grinch. On one night, I was so exhausted that I slept at around 10 pm. Somehow, I woke up at 2 am in the morning. The moment I opened my eyes, all the ideas were swimming around my brain. I took a notebook and wrote down the story. Then during the first one-week holiday that I got, I wrote the script.

After the holiday, I showed the script to Ruth and Fiona. I got 2 nods. Then Qin Zhi asked me about it so I showed him the script. He gave me a rather different comment: 'It's more like a moral story.'

Then, it's time to find actors and actresses. Thank goodness I could find all 6 of them: Qin Zhi, Ben, James, Fiona, Edna and Cheng Nee. And I even found some who volunteered to help me out: Leng Cheng, Winnie and Han Jun.

After the term 1 break, it was time to start the practices. Due to clashes, we had to do it at night at 11 pm. It's the same everyday, dancing practice in the evening, preparation at night, then drama practice. I didn't study much throughout that 2 weeks T.T

On the 21st, it was time for the show. Everything went on quite smoothly except for the first part where we couldn't find the small Christmas tree. Luckily, we found it under the big Christmas tree. Somehow, the drama was rather short. It seemed long during the practices. Sigh... Now, I must add a few more stuffs for the next performance for the college's Christmas night.

I received some compliments about the play and during the post-mortem, they said that overall it was ok. I guess it really did pay off and I have a huge satisfaction. A huge thanks to the actors and actresses, the citizens and the trees. And also Winnie for the props and all and Yen Hoong and Sarah for the makeups. Thanks :)

Merry Christmas, everyone and may God bless all of you.

P.S. Had been having a few mood swings lately and it kind of worsen after I found out that people are spreading rumours about me having a crush on this guy. It doesn't really bug me that much since it's not really true. I'm not that kind of girl who would allow myself to fall head to toes with a guy if he doesn't have any feelings towards me. Save me from all the heartbreak. Thanks to Ana, my 'twin', who accompanied me to Secret Recipe, listened and talked to me when the mood swing strike that day. Thanks :)