Fear...

I have been feeling this for a while now and somehow, I can't seem to shake it off me.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I haven't done my very best and haven't given all in. Dancing is not easy for me. Especially when it comes to Malay traditional dance which all the small details count. You have to bend low so as to make your bottom stand out. You have to swing your hands and your head gracefully. Everybody must bend so everyone looks equally tall. Even all the movements have to be very synchronised.

I missed one very important practice where the trainer polished our movements. After that night, everyone improved a lot. Since I wasn't there, I really felt left out. I'd tried to catch up but it's hard.

Now, with the competition just 3 weeks ahead, I'm feeling the fear even more and guilt is lingering around. All of them are good. I don't want to be part of the reason that cause us not to get any placing. My trainer is worried and I'm feeling bad. Every time when it comes to training for tarian asli, I'll feel the stress...

I really need to make a point to practice well. Plus, studying for at least 4 hours per day even if it means that I need to sleep at 3 or 4 am everyday. I don't want to fail my exam :( Just pray that I can manage all these...

P.S. Something happened this morning and I just can't stop thinking about it. I know I look like a very serious girl but the last thing that I want is a friend who thinks that I am indeed a serious girl. The you-can't-joke-with girl, the very-easily-offended girl, the no-fun girl. Honestly, I don't mind people teasing me as long as I know that they are just joking. 2 of my very close guy friends LOVE to tease me *cough* Saren and Daniel *cough* and they actually make me laugh :) No matter what, they are there when I need any advices or helps or friend. (: Chu Yee also likes to tease me but the bond between us is still strong. My evil twin, Ana seems to be born to tease me and sometimes, Ruth joins in as well but the twin thingy is still going on.

Sorry for making you feel bad. I didn't know that you actually think that I was offended. I didn't mean it. Sorry :(