Hopelessness...

Sabbie is right. Hopelessness is a very terrible feeling. I don't think I'm a very hopeless girl but some events in my life really make me feel like I'm hopeless.

I didn't want to cry. I'd never thought that I'd cry. I know I'm not strong but I was pretty sure that I'd not cry. I was wrong. Very wrong. After a few words, I couldn't stop crying already. I don't want to give up. I want to prove to myself that I can do it but it's just hard. I tried my best already. I swear that I did. Why can't you see it? I wasn't scared nor nervous but somehow, I just couldn't manage it. Who says I don't care about the money? I care. I do.

Right now, I really feel like a child with dyslexia. People get frustated with them, angry with them, saying that they didn't try hard to learn... It's not their fault. Never their fault. I don't know whether all these are my fault or not but I really did try hard. Everyone knows that I'm a serious learner. Do you really think that I don't feel guilty and am not disappointed with my performance?

I don't know what to do. I just want to find a place and cry out loud when the disappoinment and hopelesseness hit me...