Relationship...

Everyone seems to be pairing up. He and she, he and she, he and she... Will I be the next one??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Don't even expect that.

When I was young, I had been taught that getting a boyfriend during school time is bad. Very very BAD... Even after my SPM, my mum gave me a talk on boyfriend. She was counting how many years will I take to finish my studies from college to university and reminded me that it's better not to get into any relationship before I finish my studies. Feeling awkward, I quickly finished my chores and ran to the study room before I was expected to say anything.

Honestly, I'd never really thought about getting into a relationship. There's always something more important than that especially my study. Besides, it's not like anyone is interested with me. Unlike my sister, I'm not beautiful, slim... She is always the center of attention and praises but I'm always the center of troubles and hatred. I still remember I told A something and later on A told almost everyone. A also mentioned that he/she found out from me. Guess what??? Everyone told B (the person involved) that I was the one who spread the news. After B confronted me and I found out about what A did, I was at the brink of crying. I was lying down on my bed, punching my bed and trying to control my tears. I didn't want my mom or my sister to notice that I was crying. I'm not angry with A because he/she was shocked with the news I told him and wanted to tell the others about it. I don't know whether I should call it a secret or not. Those who know about the news told me that it's not. I'm not trying to blame A. What I really don't understand is why me??? Why told B that it was me who spread the news??? You didn't hear it from me. Almost everyone knows that I'm not close with most of them so is it possible that I'll go to them and tell them about it??? It's very ridiculous and it really breaks my heart to know how much they hate me and want me to get into trouble. B is my friend and I'd always and still think that he/she is one of my cutest friend. I don't know what B thinks of me now. I did clarify to B but still... I'm not blaming A. A is still one of my friends that I'm proud to have. If I'm asked to list down all my precious things, friendship will be one of the first few. *deeb breath*...

Now you know that I'm always the center of troubles, I'll just get back to my topic. I still remember the time when I almost got into a relationship. I rejected him by saying that I need to concentrate on my studies and he seemed to understand. After that, he was very nice to me. Thinking of this still makes me smile. "After that, he was very nice to me." Okok, this line is quite confusing. Why after that??? Let's just say that both of us seldom talked. Although we had been classmates for many years but I wasn't really close with him. Then, when I started to use messenger, we started chating. Thanks to streamyx, we online almost everyday. That time, I'd always switch on the computer for music so that I'd not fall asleep when I was studying for my PMR. I studied and chatted with him at the same time. After that, we were very close but we seldom talked. We just chat. After what happened, I started to talk to him. He did seem a little shy at that time. I still remember I offered him some biscuits and he only took a tinnie little bit. I told him not to tell anyone about the confession and rejection. It was very hard for him since he had and still has a lot of friends but I really didn't want anyone to know. He understood. After a couple of weeks, everyone found out about our relationship. I didn't know how. He got angry with me. He thought that I was the one who told everyone. Later on, he told me (or is it somebode else) that he really tried his best not to tell anyone about us because he knew that it was what I want. Then how could I break the promise and spread around the news. Hey... I was the one who told you not to tell everyone, wasn't I??? Why would I go and tell everyone??? I really didn't tell anyone. I really didn't... He really hates me now and after what happened, life had been very miserable for me. I don't want to mention here what he did to me but it wasn't just bad. It was HORRIBLE. He still thinks that I deserve all of these. Oh... Remember I mentioned about being the center of troubles and hatred? Still think that I'm exaggerating? Then read this. I remember about a few weeks after the incident, C told me that D mentioned that I was the one who told him/her about my relationship with the guy. When we were talking, D's friend, E was beside us at that time. I was confused by that time and I told C that I wasn't close with D. Why would I tell D about this? It didn't make any sense at all!!! While I was stressing my point with C, I saw E went to D. One of my friend, F was beside D. I saw them talking and I knew immediately that I was in BIG trouble. Later, F came to C and I and asked us what we were talking. F told us that E told him/her that we were criticizing him/her. WHAT!!! Can you see how people twist around that truth and get me into trouble??? Sigh... I don't know what to say. I really really feel like a gigantic troubles-and-hatred-attracting magnet. There's something that I wish to keep it to myself but I still remember after telling my sister everything, she told me that she could see a connection and plot going on. She didn't need to mention this. I saw it but I refused to believe it. I still don't want to believe this. No no, things like this only happened in tv not real life. No NO...

*Taking a deep breath again* Well, I'll just continue. I remember a good friend of mine asked me about relationship. I told him that I want to concentrate on my study. Besides, it's not like anyone is interested with a girl like me. I still remember what he told me after that. He said that I am beautiful in my own way and the guy who sees this in me, woah, he is definitely a great one. Should I or shouln't I take that as a compliment? Haha... It's still very sweet of him to say this. Will I ever find that guy? I don't know. Only God knows. I'm just following His plan for me. Even if I remain single for the rest of my life, I will not fret as this is God's will. It won't be that bad. I can always adopt a dog and a cat to accompany me. If I train them well and love them with all my heart, I'm sure they'll remain faithful and love me too. I know they won't break my heart. I know I can trust them since I still find it hard to trust anyone. They will definitely be a good company and friends.

What will happen to me in the next 10 years? I don't know. Will I be in a relationship in the next 10 years??? I have no idea. I just hope everything will be ok. About this topic, I can't say much. I'll just leave it to God. Yes or no, I won't be disappointed. At least I know that I'll always be with Him.

Just to wrap things up, I'll share with you something that I read from Reader's Digest. 'Opposite attracts, then they attack!' Hehe... This is so catchy and funny.

P.S. I'll try something new tomorrow. There's a high chance that I may fail but at least I tried, right??? If it turns out to be nice, I'll tell you guys about it. Ciao :)